Angry Ward Wednesday: To Limp and Die in LA – LeBron, Todd Gurley, and Tough Times at Santa Anita

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BRONX, NY – Due to lack of interest, we interrupt “An Oral History of Meet The Matts” to bring you another pedestrian-at-best sports post. It’s in my contract. And by contract, I mean the sentence I’m serving here to make up for something horrible I must have done in a previous life, like discovering cilantro or encouraging the film career of Jerry Lewis. You’ll have to consult Dante Alighieri to find out exactly which circle of hell sports blogging falls under, but I’m definitely in one of them. Anyway, let’s talk about some stuff.

Meet_The_Matts, King_Kong_Bundy, Luis_Severino, Trump, Mike_Pence, Caitlyn_Jenner, LeBron_James, Lakers

LA Bronfidential. I can’t be the only one enjoying watching the wheels fall off LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers. While I’m always reticent to write Mr. James off, this season sure looks like it’s ready to be hauled off to Sanford and Son Salvage. Fred Sanford himself would be the first to call LeBron a “big dummy” for coming to LA in the first place. He’s meshed with his new teammates about as well as Fred meshed with Aunt Esther. And bringing in someone like Carmelo at this point would offer less help to LeBron than either Grady or Bubba did to Fred. LA’s season may not be officially over but you can almost see King James staggering, clutching his chest, and screaming, “Here comes the big one! I’m coming Elizabeth!

Gurley You Can’t Be Serious. Sticking in LA, there are rumors flying around that star Rams running back Todd Gurley may be dealing with an arthritic knee. He ended last season sitting out the final two games, had one big playoff game against the Cowboys, then pretty much disappeared in the NFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl. Everyone knew something was up, but this sounds pretty bad. It’s too early to give up on Gurley, but all of this hurly-burly is bound to make Rams fans jumpier than Mr. Furley.

Something’s Wrong at Santa Anita. It’s been well-documented here that I’m a big fan of horse racing, but there’s been some very disturbing developments out at venerable Santa Anita Racetrack in California. Since the beginning of their Winter Meet (December 26) 21 horses have died. The latest victim, a Filly who was training there yesterday. All of the deaths were either race or training related. They’ve finally suspended racing indefinitely pending an investigation. It’s a horrible story and I sincerely hope they get to the bottom of this.

Look, I’m gonna go ahead and leave some news on the table for someone else, including Luis Severino getting shut down, the passing of wrestling monolith King Kong Bundy, and Mike Pence’s recent revelation that he wouldn’t be comfortable being left in a room alone with the Lady Byng Trophy.

Come back tomorrow for DJ Eberle… I hope.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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