Angry Ward Wednesday: Golf D!cks, Derby Drama, and Why the Yanks Could Win it All.

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BRONX, NY – For self-preservation, and for the common good, I’m not going to get into the many atrocities that are happening daily in this country, and I’m not talking about the Mets offense. We are on a 24-hour horror cycle and there’s no end in sight. So, f**k it, I guess we may as well keep talking sports. Though even our games can be slightly depressing these days. Let’s get into it.

A-Hole Golfer Honored by Bigger A-Hole Golfer. I’m not gonna name names here, because f**k both of these guys, but everybody’s favorite golfing comeback story was given an award this week by a lying sack of sh!t who’s too-stupid-for-words. These two rat farts were made for each other, and displaced Polar Bears can’t possibly eat them fast enough, as far as I’m concerned.

Your Derby Winner!

DQ at the Derby. There was controversy at the Kentucky Derby this past weekend when favorite, Maximum Security, was disqualified and 65-1 shot, Country House, was awarded the win. Lots of pearl clutching ensued, and of course one of the jackasses I mentioned in the previous paragraph weighed in on it, even though his knowledge of horses only goes as far as “they have four legs.” I really don’t care, as I figuratively and literally didn’t have a horse in this race. But, if you’ve ever played the horses before, you know challenges are occasionally made, inquiries happen, and sometimes horses that won get knocked down and out of the winner’s circle. So, really, this was long overdue. Let’s get over it and move on.

I Agree with MtM Management. This hardly ever happens (has it ever happened?), but I totally agree with Short Matt’s comments this past Sunday that the Mets need to cut Todd Frazier. What purpose is he serving? Seriously, I’d like to know! What does a 33-year-old lifelong Yankees fan who’s hitting .159 have to offer the New York Mets? Is he there to be Robinson Cano’s cheerleader? A “clubhouse presence?” You want a “clubhouse presence?” Bring back Wally Backman to sit in a random corner and just let the F-bombs fly.

The Yankees Might Win It All. I hate to end this thing on a true downer, but with each passing day, it seems to me that this season is oddly shaping up in favor of the New York Yankees. I know it’s weird, seeing as how they’ve wrested the “Most Fragile” trophy from the Mets and broken multiple bones in the process, but I can’t shake the notion that this season is going to work out for the Bombers, and especially Brian Cashman. As I’ve mentioned multiple times, there aren’t any real dominant teams in the AL (or NL for that matter) and currently 9 of the 15 are playing at or below .500 ball. Even teams above .500 like the Twins and Mariners are most likely pretenders. So that leaves a team like the Yankees, who are staying afloat nicely in the face of all those injuries, as a team that’s poised to make a move when some of their guys get healthy. But, here’s the bigger deal. They are currently winning with young no-name players that are getting showcased and will become valuable chips at the trade deadline. Plenty of these guys won’t pan out but, in this brief window, they are showing enough for Cashman to make some stupid teams believe that they are truly valuable young commodities. He’ll package them for starting pitching, maybe even sign a guy like Dallas Keuchel (post draft so it won’t cost them any picks), and the Yankees will be set to make a run. Ugh, why do I do this to myself?

Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who is patiently waiting to do a shot-by-shot breakdown of the Robert Kraft massage parlor video.

 

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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