Angry Ward Wednesday: No LeBron, No Tiger, No Problem – Sports Addition By Subtraction

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BRONX, NY – Monday night the Golden State Warriors finished off a sweep of the Portland Trailblazers without the help of Kevin Durant, who is arguably one of the three best players in the game, if not THE best. Anyway, leading up to the sweep, and in its aftermath, sports dopes like Chis Broussard and Stephen A. Smith started up with their “hot takes” on how the Warriors might be better off without Durant. *Spoiler Alert* They’re not. But, we understand, saying incredibly dumb sh!t is what these guys get paid to do. That’s not to say that there aren’t teams and situations in sports that couldn’t benefit from a little “addition by subtraction.” In fact, let’s stick with these NBA playoffs.

It’s Better When it’s LeBronless. I don’t think I’m in the minority here when I say, this year’s NBA playoffs have been way better without the looming specter of LeBron James. He’s a great player and he does some great things off the court too, but it’s been far more enjoyable watching some other teams and emerging stars get some time on the big stage. The Portland/Denver series was a whole lot of fun to watch, with guys like Lillard and McCollum on the Blazers side and Jokic and Murray on Denver’s, putting on one hell of a show. Milwaukee’s Giannis Sina Ougko Antetokounmpo, has brought the game back closer to the rim, while showing why he’s the front-runner for league MVP as well as a legitimate threat to Scripp’s Spelling Bee contestants. And somehow, gloriously, James Harden and the Houston Rockets morphed into a team everyone could hate. None of this happens to these degrees if LeBron is playing right now. And, as a bonus, we get to see his current team, the Lakers, loudly implode while the playoffs are happening. It’s been a win all the way around.

Golf Not Toothless Without Tiger. This past weekend they played the PGA Championship and Tiger Woods didn’t make the cut. And, you know what? It was okay. I didn’t watch a single hole, but I’m told Brooks Koepka won. I couldn’t pick Koepka out of a lineup featuring him and a bunch of cartoon characters, but he’s won 4 majors before his 30th birthday. He only needs 14 more to tie Jack Nicklaus! What I’m trying to say here is that all everyone ever wants to talk about is Tiger, but golf will have to move on without him sooner rather than later. So, why not start now? Koepka and others will hopefully emerge and Tiger can f**k off to Mar-a-Lago with his crooked buddy and kiss his fat a$$ morning, noon, and night.

Yanks and Mets. The Yankees are clearly fine without Stanton, Didi, Severino, Judge, Paxton, Ruth, Gehrig and everyone else they’ve been playing without. The Mets, meanwhile, don’t need Yoenis Cespedes in any capacity. Short Matt is right whenever he compares him to David Wright. Besides, they have a new/old entertaining head case in the form of Robinson Cano, who will entertain fans of “sweeping indifference” (looking at you, Millennials) for years to come.

Less Anger = More Prosperity. I’ve long maintained, that I am holding this fine enterprise, known as Meet The Matts, back. The sooner I am jettisoned from this place, the sooner boom times begin. Management already missed one golden opportunity when it failed to secure a long-term deal with DJ Eberle. That kid was entertaining. The only hope now is to get rid of me and rise like a mighty Phoenix from the sports ash heap. What are you waiting for?

That’s all for this week and, if management is smart, for the foreseeable future. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who wrote his Masters Thesis on Gender Roles and Sexual Politics in Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend.”

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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