Replaceable Friday: A Column for the Blind – And NY Sports Fans


Replacement Matt

GARDEN STATE – For this week’s column I’d like to start off with a little ditty:
Replacement Matt-y,
Writing a column that no one will read,
Why does he plead?

Anyway… Here is my column on a day when everyone is recovering from their 4th of July revelations and not a one will look at their computer. Why do it you ask? That is an excellent question.But what the hell…

The high-point of the New York Knicks season is upon us; the beginning of the summer league. Guess what? The Knicksies are actually Vegas line favorites to win! Who knew? Champions of the summer league... until they blow it. And I’m sure they f*ck that up, too!

It will be [sort of] exciting to watch Barrett face off against his former teammate Zion, seeing who will set the NBA ablaze with their skills. Should be worthy of viewing eyeballs for at least a quarter.

The #USWNT is playing in the finals for the World Cup and the #USMNT is playing for the Gold Cup. All of this should provide excellent reasons to ignore the beloved NY Metropolitans for a few more days.

It’s becoming tiresome talking about how all my teams seemed destined to make me ignore sports in general. Instead of an escape from a grim reality, they only provide more disappointment and heartbreak. The sports gods are cruel and will not shine their light on these parts for many moons, it seems. With that I will make my predictions on the next time each will be relevant again.

NY Mets: Not until Bobby Bonilla’s contract is off the books in 2036 will this team win the World Series. Yes mark your calendars folks, 2036 will be a banner year in Flushing, as the long-suffering faithful (which at that point will consist of a bunch of long-in-the-tooth geezers and no one else) will celebrate like there’s no tomorrow. And that would be appropriate because the entirety of its fan-base will drop dead the next day.

In present day, it seems the Mets are trying to salvage the season by putting inconsistent starter Steven Matz in the pen to bolster the WORST PEN IN MLB. Why bother? So you can convince yourself there’s a chance and have an excuse to not clear the decks at the deadline and add some hope for the future in blue chip prospects? Slow down. That makes too much sense, so it will never happen.

NY Knicks: The Knicks will not win a title until either Jim Dolan is dead and gone or I am. Whichever comes first. I was too young to recall the ’73 title, and I predict I will never see one.

The NY Giants: Once they rid themselves of Gettleman, they may actually bag a couple. But it won’t be for at least a decade.

Lastly, the NY Rangers: The most likely to turn it around quickly. They will win a Stanley Cup within the next 5-10 years. And aside from a few Canadians and the other members of Ben Whitney‘s beer league team, the bragging rights will mean nothing.

Pretty bleak, enjoy your weekend folks! And tune in for Junoir Blaber‘s insightful comments on the state of curling in America.

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About the Author ()

Replacement Matt, aka Aussie Matt & Trevor Herrick, has been the Minnie Minoso of MTM from Day One. He's willingly been hit in the undercarriage by cricket balls, had beer poured on him from the upper deck and been handed the camera to hold for Tall and Short Matt on countless occasions. In many ways, he's been too valuable to start. But make no mistake, he'd be the headliner on any other bald guy's sports site!

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