Replacement Matt Friday: Sh*tty Start To NFL Season, Mets Fans Stages of Met Grief

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EYE OF HURRICANE, ATLANTIC OCEAN – Hey Kids! Ya miss me? I’m back with another edition of stuff for my massive fanbase and readership. It’s getting so huge I think I’m on the verge of being an influencer and will have companies hurling tons of free sh– my way. Time for the endorsement train to roll in. Wait, that’s the clown who posts nothing but cat videos? Oh, my bad. Well then for the three of you, here goes…

The NFL began last night, which is absurd. The start of the season should be on Sunday, save this Thursday night nonsense for a few weeks when the players are completely banged-up and sloppy. Thursday night games are guaranteed dogsh*t.

After a lifetime of pain and suffering I think I have finally reached the grief stage of acceptance with who the mighty New York Metropolitans in fact are. They are not going to the post season this year, probably not next year either but at least I like the players. I can point to Pete Alonso and say hey kids, thats someone to look up to. I can watch scrappy play from Jeff McNeill all day long. I can watch great starting pitching. As long as I stop watching by the seventh inning it’s rose-colored glasses country as far as they can see in the land of Metdom.

Maybe Major League Baseball should just shorten major league games to 7 innings – for us Mets fans? The Mets could be the best team in all of baseball if those rules applied. I’m on the blower to the commissioner’s office as we speak. Let’s light this candle. The last couple of innings are no longer appropriate in the age of openers and starters rarely making it past 7. Its time has come. Anyway back to my original point, say what you will about this Met team they don’t phone it in. If you replaced the leaky pen with some solid dependable arms who thrive in the spotlight instead of wilt in it we might have something for seasons to come. I think the major disappointment with the failure of the 2015 team in not winning the World Series is that team wasn’t built to last. If you are gonna be a flash in the pan you gotta take it all the way. This team seems primed to stick around for a few years and with some proper tinkering could disappoint the fanbase the last game of the season every year. Think of the possibilities!

Also when they don’t make the playoffs there is no excuse not to replace Callaway with a solid in game tactician. I’ll give Mickey credit for keeping this team motivated, but he is an amateur once the game begins. Let’s send Diaz on the next Greyhound out of town and maybe we stand a chance.

‘Til next time… enjoy your weekend and be sure to tune in to a man who needs no introduction, Junoir BlaberWait, did I just introduce him?

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Replacement Matt, aka Aussie Matt & Trevor Herrick, has been the Minnie Minoso of MTM from Day One. He's willingly been hit in the undercarriage by cricket balls, had beer poured on him from the upper deck and been handed the camera to hold for Tall and Short Matt on countless occasions. In many ways, he's been too valuable to start. But make no mistake, he'd be the headliner on any other bald guy's sports site!

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