Angry Ward Saturday: Because No One Else Cares!

0 Comments

WARDVILLE, SATURDAY – Hey, hey, hey, it’s Ward again on Saturday! You can’t get enough of me, don’t deny it. Matt’s in the UK, Junoir lives in Buffalo, which could be its own cold distant planet for all we care, and no one else is stepping up to the plate. Guess it’s up to me. Let’s f**king rock and roll.

The Lakers Won. Panic on California can now solely focus on out-of-control wildfires, as the Lakers beat the only team in the NBA with a more inappropriate nickname than their own, the Utah Jazz, last night in Plasticburgh. Don’t worry, there will be more losses for LeBron and The Brow. They will get housed aplenty this year, it’s a given.

The Nets Won. Apparently Kyrie and the Nets held off those scrappy Knickerbockers last night in Hipsterburgh. Another epic chapter in this long and storied rivalry.

Weekend Football. Today Ohio State gets to sexually assault Wisconsin on national TV, so there’s that. The Giants travel to Detroit where they will hope that officials screw the Lions out of what should be another victory. Cincy and the Rams square off at Wembley, where Limey fans will be headed for the brexits early. The Sunday night game will feature the Mahomes-less Chiefs hosting those lousy Packers. I look for Andy Reid to throw on his old Rams jersey and punt, pass and kick KC to an upset win. Monday night it’s the Steelers and Dolphins, which would only be entertaining if the QBs were still Bubby Brister and David Woodley.

Enjoy your Saturday, you filthy animals. Will I be back again tomorrow? Who knows?

Facebook Comments
Share Button

Filed in: Angry Ward

About the Author ()

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

Back to Top