Angry Ward Wednesday: Ezekiel Elliott is Overrated and Other Sports Rants

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BRONX, NY – It was a fairly eventful weekend. Baseball’s regular season ended, we got a better idea of which football teams are contenders and which are Miami Dolphins adjacent, and I went to a crappy bowling alley in Yonkers and drank garbage beer. Which brings us to today. I don’t exactly have a game plan for this post, but don’t lump me in with Adam Gase and Jay Gruden just yet. I got a few ideas.

Zeke Ain’t Sh!t. I’ve been saying this to anyone who will listen (no one ever does) but I think Ezekiel Elliott is one of the most overrated players in the NFL. I know he’s won 2 rushing titles, but what has that ever done for his team? This self-promoting little hobgoblin is a, to borrow a phrase Bill Murray once yelled at Chevy Chase multiple times, MEDIUM TALENT! Look, everyone but imbecile Cowboys fans has long since grown tired of his stupid “feed me the ball” routine. And it’s funny how you never see it when a defense like New Orleans is swallowing him up and sh!tting him out. There are a lot of good running backs in the NFL, and quite a few that are better than Elliott. His play speaks for itself. He’s awesome when his line opens up gaping holes (which is often), but he’s not making anyone forget about Emmitt Smith or Barry Sanders or countless other greats.

MLB Playoffs. You can’t root for the Yankees, because… well… y’know. You can’t root for the Cardinals because they have the most annoyingly self-righteous fans on the planet. You can’t root for the Dodgers because they are going to fall on their faces again if they rep the NL. You can’t root for Tampa Bay because Florida shouldn’t have any pro teams in any sport. You can’t root for the Astros because everyone expects them to win, and what fun is there in that? You can’t root for Atlanta because of the tomahawk chop, John Rocker, Bobby Cox, Tom Glavine, and their fans suck. You can’t root for Washington because Trump will take credit if they win. You could root for the Brewers, but you won’t, and now you can’t, because they lost last night. Which leaves you with the Oakland A’s and the Minnesota Twins, two teams that seem to be annual sacrificial lambs for the aforementioned Yankees. The A’s are still winning with Moneyball and playing in a Stadium that makes old Shea look like the Taj Majal. Moneyball always falters in the Fall, and Rollie Fingers, Gene Tennace and Joe Rudi are not riding to the rescue. The Twins won 101 games and you have no idea who their manager is or really who anyone on their team is. It’s like going in fresh to a movie you’ve heard nothing about. Anyway, Go Twins!

Lamest Moment in Sports. In a VERY lightly-reported story, last week Texas Rangers pitcher Mike Minor recorded his 200th strikeout after a teammate purposely dropped a foul ball that would have left him one shy. It got me and my friend talking about some of the lamest moments in sports history. There have been plenty, but we decided perhaps the worst was Brett Favre giving Michael Strahan the single-season sack record. That was downright pathetic. Here’s the video. It should be on an NFL Films compilation entitled Greatest Football Fixes.

I need a shower after watching that.

Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who spends all his waking hours thinking about Frank Ntilikina.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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