Angry Ward Saturday: Mahomes Returns, Bama Hosts LSU, and Knicks Win(?)

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BRONX, NY – It’s 10:30 EST already and I’m not waiting for Buffalo Blaber to roll out of bed. There’s lots going on in sports this weekend. Someone’s got to cover it fer crissakes! Here’s a quick rundown.

Junoir Blaber’s dog peed on his laptop.

Knicks Win? Apparently the Knicks CAN get up for a game, just so long as it’s against one of their former teammates. Last night they beat a pretty good Mavericks team, featuring their favorite former franchise player Kristaps Porzingis. Frank the Tank and Company beat them in Dallas even. Impressed? Yeah, neither am I.

Alabama/LSU. Alabama hosts LSU this afternoon in the game of the college football season… so far. If you’re not rooting for LSU you most likely are a moron who eats dirt out of the gutter and washes it down with pineapple soda.

Penn State/Minnesota. My Minnesota Golden Gophers are ranked in the College Football Top 20 for the first time in forever, and that most likely will end today when they host the Penn State Sanduskys. I’m hoping against hope that Minny showers PSU with a beatdown but, if I were in Vegas, I would be betting heavily on those jerks from PA. Minnesota has spent the better part of this season beating the crap out of weaklings while compiling their 8-0 record. IF they somehow manage to pull it off today, that would be their biggest win in like the last 30-40 years, by my guess.

Mahomes is Back. The most electric player in the NFL, Patrick Mahomes, returns tomorrow. Sorry Ryan Fitzmagic, he is. Will be good to see Mahomes flinging it again.

I’m outta here. Be sure to comment on my column. I was first!

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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