Angry Ward Wednesday: Zeke Ztill Ztinks, Fizzy Going Flat, Polar Bear Named ROY

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BRRRONX, NY – The Northeast has gone from 70 degrees on Halloween to Ice Station Zebra in a matter of a couple of weeks. The cold isn’t for everyone, but I sure don’t mind. Bring it on! If I didn’t enjoy seasonal change I’d live in some hellscape like Yuma. Watching the Packers and Panthers play football in the snow last Sunday made me downright jealous. Let’s throw another bourbon on the fire and talk some sports.

Angry_Ward_Calhoun, Meet_The_Matts, Jim_Dolan, Pete_Alonso_ Knicks, Spike_Lee, Woody_Allen, Mets, MLB, NFL, Fitzdale

Ezekiel Elliott is still overrated. I know I keep harping on this, but that’s only because trashing members of the Dallas Cowboys is so much fun. Last Sunday night I got to watch my Vikings beat down my least favorite Cowboy, Zeke, to the tune of 20 carries for a laughable 47 yards. Though the Vikes are known to have a very good run defense, I have seen teams run on them. Not Zeke though. Didn’t do his “feed me” routine once. He looked more like he needed someone to hold him. Anyway, here, in no particular order, are just a handful of NFL backs I think are better than Zeke: Derrick Henry, Dalvin Cook, Nick Chubb, Todd Gurley (I still believe!), Le’veon Bell (put Zeke behind the Jets line and watch him disappear forever), Christian McCaffrey, Chris Carson, Leonard Fournette, and Lamar Jackson (yes, I went there!) to name a few. OK, let’s move on.

Zoinks! (Tom Fox, Dallas Morning News, Photo – Click)

Fizdale Fizzling Out. Sounds like the Knicks want to fire their coach, David Fizdale, after a predictably poor start by the club. He just signed a 4-year deal last year that’s reportedly worth something like $22 million. That is so sweet. Nothing softens the blow of being told to f**k-off than collecting millions for doing nothing. Who hired Fizdale anyway? He looks like something Dolan cooked up in his Cablevision laboratory. Like they took high-profile Knick Nerds Woody Allen and Spike Lee and tried to combine them into a coach. I wouldn’t put it past them. You can’t go around playing God, people.

Spike Allen Fizdale and Wife (Photo: Roy Rochlin / Stringer / Getty Images – Click)

Polar Bear Named ROY. To no one’s surprise, Pete Alonso was named National League Rookie of the Year this week. He became the 6th NY Met to win this honor. Without looking, can you name the other 5? I’ll narrow the field by saying I was shocked that Jerry Koosman didn’t win it. All he did his rookie year of 1968 was go 19-12 with a 2.08 era. He barely lost out to some bust named Johnny Bench who hit .275, 15 homers, and drove in 82 his rookie year. As former MTM contributor Grote2DMax pointed out, maybe not eye-popping numbers by today’s standards, but huge back then.

I just want to close this thing out by saying that I thoroughly enjoyed last weekend’s football results, particularly the Minnesota Golden Gophers beating Penn State, LSU winning at Bama, and the aforementioned Vikes win at Dallas. You’ve got to savor such moments because there’s always another sh!tshow coming down the pike.

Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, and stay for the all-you-can-eat deep-fried appetizers your arteries can handle. *Hint* It’s not many.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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