Angry Ward Wednesday: Chargers, MLB, and Tanking Teams Think Too Much

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BRONX, NY – Before I get going on like my billionth post for this site, I want to direct anyone who didn’t happen to read Ben Whitney’s very funny piece yesterday to do that right now. It was truly stellar. For everyone else who has to write this week, don’t worry, I’m here to lower that bar way back down. I’m gonna keep it simple by wondering why sports teams and figures so often DON’T keep it simple. Let’s start with this Monday’s Chargers/Chiefs tilt.

The Chargers Blew It. By this time, even casual NFL fans know that the way to beat the Kansas City Chiefs is by running the ball down their throats until their defense (which is weak to begin with) can’t see straight. So what did the Chargers do? They passed the ball 52 times and Philip Rivers threw 4 picks. I don’t get it? How does this happen? Melvin Gordon got a lousy 14 carries for 69 yards. The Chargers season just died from complications of making things complicated.

Chargers could’ve used these guys Monday Night. (AP Photo via Los Angles Times)

MLB Looking to Eliminate Minor League Teams. Seems that all the smart people that work for Major League Baseball think that it would be a good idea to get rid of up to 42 minor league teams, which is over 25%. This is just plain f**king stupid. Minor League Baseball is great and fun and, in some instances, the only thing some towns have as a form of entertainment. Baseball is consistently facing the problem of keeping young people interested. So what’s their solution? Get rid of local, affordable, enjoyable baseball games that kids can go to with their parents.

Natural Tanking. So many teams, particularly in the NBA and a growing number in baseball, think that the fastest way to turning around their fortunes is by trading any good players, stockpiling young players and draft picks, and losing aplenty. But this recipe backfires at a much, much, much higher rate than it succeeds. The Knicks attempting to tank their way to relevance being the most recent bit of exploding stove hilarity. But, when the tank happens naturally, as it is now with the Golden State Warriors, it’s easier to stomach and, in this case, just may lead to something big. Everyone knows the Warriors lost Kevin Durant to free agency and Klay Thompson to injury, but then Steph Curry and virtually every other name player on the team also got injured. You couldn’t pick the current Dubs lineup out of a lineup. Curry will return at some point, as will D’Angelo Russell, and Golden State will win some games. But right now they have the worst record in the league and could very well be looking at a lottery pick in next year’s draft. The league is currently having a blast beating down their no-name kids, but next year could be an entirely different story with a healthy Curry, Thompson, Russell, Draymond, and maybe a new hotshot rookie on the team. Hell, this team needed a year off, but at least they went into it legitimately trying to win.

Warriors, Angry_Ward_Calhoun, Steph_Curry, Meet_The_Matts

Warriors current stating lineup. (“Bonus Click” for Movie Buffs)

I’ll close with a few “don’t overthink it tips to various people. Sean McVay, keep getting the ball in Todd Gurley’s hands. Rob Gronkowski, stay retired. Horse racing, stop killing your horses. Everyone, eat whatever you want on Thanksgiving, there’s no law says it’s got to be turkey. Angry Ward, stop writing now.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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