Angry Ward Wednesday 2020: No More Cowboys Cruelty, Knicks Snickering, and Other New Year’s Resolutions I Have No Intention of Keeping

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“Let’s turn over a new leaf. And Baby let’s make promises that we can keep, and call it our New Year’s Resolution.”

BRONX, NY –  So goes the above first chorus lyric to the best New Year’s song ever, Otis Redding and Carla Thomas‘ “New Year’s Resolution.” I personally have never been a big fan of resolutions, unless they involved giving up smoking or Donald Trump. Better to be true to yourself and still try to be good to others. With that in mind, here are some New Year’s Resolutions I have no intention of honoring.

Stop Hating on the Dallas Cowboys. Jerry Jones is an American treasure. Ezekiel Elliott is one of the greatest running backs in NFL history. Cowboys fans are among the most humble humans you’ll ever come across. Sorry, I just made champagne come out of my nose, let’s move on.

Start Believing in the Mets. I really, really, really want to, but Tug McGraw and his “Ya Gotta Believe!”  battle cry are now close to five decades in the rearview mirror. You see the sun come up enough times, you come to expect it. It would be nice to see the Mets put it together, if for no other reason than to NOT make Jacob deGrom’s brilliance all for naught. But, like almost everyone else, I’ll enter the 2020 season with a healthy bit of skepticism… like always.

Betances with Wolves

Keep Writing for this Site. (Submitted without further comment.)

Watch The Irishman All the Way Through. I finally got around to start watching “Oldfellas” the other night, and I’m not sure I’m gonna make it to the end. This could go either way.

Give MMA Fighting a Chance. Nah.

Angry_Ward, Meet_The_Matts, Bill_de Blasio, Jim_Dolan, Knicks, Cowboys

Refrain from Finding Humor in the Knicks and their Fans. As a native New Yorker, I really should attempt to keep this promise. But, it’s so tough to give up on a show that you truly love. Dolan has all the intelligence, humor, and charisma of a Bud Light “Dilly Dilly” commercial, and poor Knicks fans are forced to play helpless straight men and women to his brain farts and prat falls. It’s a winning combo.

No More de Blasio Bashing. As long as Half-Baked Herman Munster remains a public figure, he shall receive my ridicule. 2019 brought my favorite social media reply comment to him. He tweeted out something about doing everything in his power to save Di Fara Pizza, after they were shut down over owing six figures in back taxes. Some absolute genius replied: “Fix the subways, you 9-foot monster!” Inspired stuff.

So many more hollow resolutions to make, but I gotta start writing that novel. Come back tomorrow for the least hungover staff member available – 0r Buddy Diaz.

Happy New Year, everyone!

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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