Angry Ward Wednesday: Pete LaCock, Jeff Wilpon, Gorman Thomas, Covid-19 – Are You Intrigued Yet?

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PALM BEACH, FL – What to say? I’m thinking about the fact that we are all sheltering in, at least the smart ones. I’m currently in a state with a Governor that was most likely voted in by a sh!t-ton of senior citizens and is still not taking this thing seriously. As Ben Whitney pointed out yesterday, at least the NFL Draft is somewhat on the horizon. But, you know what, I miss baseball. I miss the idea of sitting out at a game, any game, and having a beer and a dog and joking around with friends. (Side note to Cheesy Bruin: You lost that best about the Cowboys going to the Super Bowl you made last year at Citi Field, and will have to pay the piper once it’s safe to go out again.) Anyway, I’m just gonna talk some random baseball stuff.

How Many Games Good Enough for a Season? I’m not super optimistic that there will be any baseball season this year, but how many games do you think would suffice as a regular season? I’m seriously fine going as low as 62. The Mets always start fast and the Yanks usually start slow, so that’s good enough for me. This would also doom JG Clancy’s Athletics, who regularly roar back in the season’s second half, but I’m fine with that.

Baseball D!ck Jokes. What is it about baseball that has continually supplied player names and vernacular that produce giggles? As Al Pacino’s scene-chewing Devil once said: So many names! Dick Pole, Pete LaCock, Randy Johnson, The Big Red Machine, Jeff “C*cksucker” Wilpon… the list goes on and on.

Players that Best Represented their Team Brand. I was just thinking about this today, because I had nothing else to do. What players do you think were most on-brand for the team they played for? To be clear, I am not saying Babe Ruth was the quintessential New York Yankee or George Brett a great Royal. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. I think Gorman Thomas was the most Milwaukee Brewers-type player because, well, he looked like an unkempt beer guzzler. I also think that Biff Pocoroba was the most Atlanta Braves player. I base this on nothing but my own stupid opinion. Who you got?

OK, because I never really cared about what people here thought about me or my so-called “work,” I’m gonna end this thing today by posting a Covid-19 video that a friend sent me the other day. As she perfectly put it,  it is both thoughtful and somewhat reassuring. It’s from a Doc here at Weill Cornell Hospital in NYC and you should give it a look. It’s a little long, but what else do you have to do?

OK, I’m out for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz (I think) and his “Get Well Soon” card to James Dolan.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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