NEW YORK, NY - Last month, GQ Magazine put out their “Least Influential People” article. For me, this was a game-changing article. Sort of like how everyone went crazy over A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend, just to find out she doesn’t believe in Evolution. Concentrating on negatives and people’s failures may be my favorite style of article. You can keep your “Sexiest Man Alive” edition, or your “Most Beautiful People” Edition. I’m all about the losers, and anything having to do with celebrity cellulite or awful plastic surgery.
Anyway, a few of the top nominees are no surprises. You have Mitt Romney, obviously. There wasn’t even one person in his whole party who liked that guy. People voted for him the same way I always root for the team playing the Cowboys or Red Sox; just because you hate the other team. Plus, Mitt brought his black cloud to the Pacquiao fight. Manny Pacquiao is on top of the world, just killing it, with ten world titles, in four different weight classes. And then, Romney wishes him good luck before the fight, and what do you know, Pacquiao’s knocked out. Yet, for all we know, Romney had $20 million riding on Pacquiao going down in the sixth. Just taking out and profiting on Filipino boxers like Bain Capital took out KB Toys.
Then you have Dwight Howard. The last time I felt uncomfortable was watching Lawrence Taylor take out Joe Theismann’s leg in ’85. But, then I watched the Stan Van Gundy press interview with Howard walking in, and I felt like I was watching Angelina Jolie make out with her brother all over again. You have Howard wanting out of Orlando, then saying he will stay in Orlando if Van Gundy leaves, and then saying he wants to come to NY. The only thing uglier than this was J-Woww’s backside at MTV’s New Year’s Eve Party, reminding all of us that her last name truly is Farley.
Then, there’s Ryan Lochte. Is he a great swimmer? 100% yes! But what’s wrong with him? His douchebag characteristics outweigh any talent he has. He actually makes Jose Canseco look humble. There’s a better chance NCAA president Mark Emmert will copy Alabama QB A.J. McCarron’s prison tattoo, than Lochte is to ever speak a full sentence.
Other non-influential notables are the AFC Division, especially defined when the Seahawks dominated the Patriots this season. If I wanted to watch junior varsity, I’d be at my local high school. Also, anyone with the last name Ryan. This will be Rex’s last year, Rob’s now done and I don’t even think Meg has the least bit of relevance anymore.
Cookie’s Corner, tomorrow.
Filed in: Lori Levine