Angry Ward Wednesday: Playing Hardball… Literally & Figuratively

• March 20, 2013 • 39 Comments
Angry_Ward JG_Clancy Giants_Bus Meet_The_Matts2

Angry Ward (fishing hat) & JG Clancy (standing) on way to NFL Free Agent Viewing

New York, NY - Everyone is pretty much hung up on March Madness and NFL free agency these days, so it comes as a little bit of a surprise that the Major League Baseball season-opener is only 11 days away. More surprising, perhaps, is that even though I’m a fan of the Mariners and Mets, I’m actually looking forward to them playing hardball. A lot of it probably has something to do with the promise of warm weather and cold beer but also the pipe dream of a season featuring a more level playing field, both financially and pharmaceutically. It will also be fun to watch all of those millionaires who went balls-out in the World Baseball Classic back in their familiar uniforms and dogging it. Yeah, I’m looking at you Robbie Cano… but not just you.

Speaking of Cano, the Yankees still haven’t signed him to a new contract, but is that such a bad thing? If I can digress back to NFL free agency for a moment, the one surprising development thus far has been how many highly-thought-of free agents are being signed to one- and two-year contracts for reasonable sums. This may or may not be some sort of collusion on the owners’ parts but one thing’s for sure, it’s smart investing. You have a hell of a lot better chance getting a good season out of a guy playing for a big contract rather than someone playing with one. This very site operates under the same business model, so you know it’s rock solid. Anyway, the Yankees should go ahead and let Cano and d-bag extraordinaire Scott Boras continue to twist in the wind. What’s the worst that could happen, the season ends and Cano goes to the team who offers him the most money? Don’t the Yankees still have the most money? Well, the Dodgers are spending dough like some West Virginia hillbilly who just won Powerball, but still… When all is said and done, there’s no way that Cano and Boras put a grudge above bucks.

robinson-cano & scott boras chillin Meet_The_Matts

Robbie Cano & Scotty Boras chillin’…

OK, so, back to the upcoming season. The Yankees and Mets both open at home on April 1st at roughly the same time, which is MLB’s perfect little April Fool’s joke to anyone driving a car around the Metropolitan area on that particular afternoon. In fact, after the Mets game lets out, you’d be better served playing drunk Whiffle Ball in the parking lot for a couple of hours than drunk driving your way on home. The Yanks host arch rival Boston while the Mets square off against the San Diego Padres, which means Keith Hernandez will be waxing poetic about fine wine, beaches, and all things west coast. Talk about must-see TV. Thankfully, the Rockies, Tigers, and Indians all open on the road so the chances of games being snowed out are significantly decreased. It only took baseball 100 years or so to get that right. Finally, my Mariners will open on the road against Clancy’s Athletics, with King Felix on the bump and former Metropolitan lost souls Jason Bay and Ollie Perez with a fresh chance to make me angry all over again. Fun times. But really, having baseball back will be fun… just so long as those annoying bald guys in the ridiculous suits don’t show up.

Come back tomorrow for Cam James, hopefully in a bikini, the surest sign that Spring has returned.

 

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About the Author ()

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
  • Walking Tall

    Great pix… I’m thinking the West Virginia hillbilly must be Billy Wagner?

    • JeremyL

      Billy Wagner would still be best bet as the Mets closer. Patnell doesn’t have ot upstairs. But how about the D.R. going undefeated? Cano MVP and Reyes came up big.

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        Yadier Molina. That is all we have to say about Billy Wags.

  • Tall Matt

    I’ll await your apologia for putting the Mariners in front of the Mets in that opening paragraph. Don’t gimme that alphabetical order crap either.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Ditto! What the frog is that, A-Dubya?! We won’t stand for this subtle move toward completely jumping off the Flushing Titanic!

      • AngryWard

        Water, water, every where,
        Nor any drop to drink.

  • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

    Ward, I’d still prefer to listen to a game on radio than watch on TV. Being at the ballpark is best but at today’s prices, they can all go f*ck themselves. I’ll catch bits and pieces of Mets opener but not much otherwise. Baseball doesn’t do it for me anymore.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Normally we’d agree with your radio assessment, Cheese Man. But Gary, Keith and Ron are the best things on TV outside of Downton Abbey, Meet The Press, Dual Survival and Modern Family.

      • AngryWard

        I’d tune in to watch Gary, Keith, and Ron comment on paint drying.

  • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

    Apparently the World Baseball Classic wrapped up yesterday. Ho hum. With Robbie Cano getting the MVP…it seems that he’ll continue to take the line of looking at a Yankee offer and being ‘unmoved.’ Speaking of unmoved… I think him and Boras would benefit from a laxative.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      If you were single and Boras and Kevin Youkillis would each pay you 5 million for a night of Pinch -n- Tickle, who would you choose?

      • AngryWard

        The people have a right to know.

        • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

          Jesus. I have that ‘not-so-fresh’ feeling.

  • AngryWard

    For the record, I am fairly certain that I spelled “wiffle” correctly when I put this piece to bed. Guessing my short bald editor thought otherwise.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Word on the street is that the change came down from Legal.

  • Dude

    great now that wbc is over expect all participants to return to dogging it and/or making extended stays on the DL. who won? no idea… and neither will anyone in about a week… good thing it ruined several teams seasons by having their stars play in it.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Not for nuthin’ but we’ve been to Amsterdam and only 3 of the guys on The Curaçao Dutch Hollanders of The Nederlands actually looked like they even knew where that town is… Nearly all of them, however, looked like they’ve had many a Heineken and hit the hash.

  • Fed Up Fan

    I had to turn off the World Baseball Classic because it was just like the soccer world cup with the damn horns! The 1 guy with the air horn that they even put on TV, should have been removed from the park! they wouldn’t allow that in a regular season game. Is just because they didn’t want to get in trouble throwing out a Puerto Rican guy or Dominican guy with a horn???

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Fed Up Fan – or is it FUF? Great to have you on board – Angry Ward could use the company! You are dead right on the frogging horns. We’d have gone bonkers with that. Why the bleep did they allow those in?!

    • Sam’s-A-Heeb

      I thought only us Jews had horns? Too soon?

      • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

        Sam’s A Heeb… I need your help. I’ve got no wisdom teeth and so masticating anything hard (please people) is difficult. How do I get thru Pesach eating only unleavened bread?!?!

        • Sam’s-A-Heeb

          Easy, stick to the chopped liver.

        • Yankee Joe

          Dont listen to Samantha I gotta protein shake for you Cookie baby!

  • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

    Sorry for being late to the party today… We’re just getting over the shrinkage and frostbite we got from the HUGE win the Rangers got vs Joisey last night. Our seats were the best but it was chilly… See the picture.

    • AngryWard

      You guys could make a good buck marketing the “Broadway Blues Banana Hammock.”

      • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

        Diff!! That diet of beer and pizza is clearly paying off. I don’t know why I doubted these two would do a body good.

  • WestCoastCraig

    That big contract is coming to us any day now! I need to start listening to Keith Hernandez for some new West Coast material.

    And why all the griping about the WBC…was it just because Jose Reyes played with more excitement and joy than he ever did with the Mets?

    • http://twitter.com/Different_Matt Different Matt

      That Cano hit .100 in the playoffs for the Yankees and .800 in the WBC is extremely frustrating also.

    • Dude

      they should make the players hit off of tees, not allow sliding, double plays, stealing or anything that might indicate hustle or cause injury. if they want to play hard they should do it in the fall, when players can recover in time for spring training.

  • http://twitter.com/Different_Matt Different Matt

    Big win for the Rangers last night. Need to beat up on the Panthers tomorrow night also.

    • bosoxbruins04

      What happened to the Devs? They are free-falling. Not that I’m complaining.

  • Sam’s-A-Bum

    Ward, I always dogged it when writing for MtM, and as you can see I’m consistent even now as a…oh whatever.

  • Cute girl

    Love the hat AW!

    • AngryWard

      Thanks, CG! I also hasten to point out that the vest that JG Clancy is wearing is very slimming.

  • jgclancy

    Go A’s!!! Slimming indeed…almost as if I was wasting away…well, I am out of scotch so…

  • http://twitter.com/preachercollins Preacher Collins

    loved this article AW! How about millionaire West Virginia hillbillies who play drunken whiffle ball with gold plated bats sipping Moët & Chandon from dixie cups?? it would air right after every NASCAR race…

    • bosoxbruins04

      Gold plated wiff bats is a nice touch! Crunch up the dixie cups and use them to hit.

  • Grote2Dmax

    Mets and Yanks opening at the same time at home? Really? This is a disaster. Next thing they’ll have the Mets opening the season in Japan. Oh wait they did that a dozen years ago. This one is for JG Clancy….Go A’s.

    • Yankee Joe

      Dont worry Maxine the MUTTS game will be over in the 3 rd inning!!

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