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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCENT |
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West Coast Craig
Posts:252
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| 09-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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Boston was a very fun place
But then it turned into a disgrace
Ingrate Fans they liked to blame…
So to the west the Manny came!
Joe Torre’s nanny had to quit
So the Manny became a hit
He’s got the bat, he’s got the hair
And now Andrea’s in his care!
Manny, Manny, he’s the pro
Manny, Manny, oh Dios Mio!
The Manny was taped before a live stadium audience.
INT. JOE TORRE’S OFFICE
Joe sits going over some line-ups. JEFF KENT comes in.
JOE TORRE
Hey Jeff, you’re tearing it up lately.
JEFF KENT
That’s what I came in to talk to you about, Coach. Look at the paper, they’re all saying I only started hitting when Manny showed up! It’s not fair!
JOE TORRE
Who cares what the papers say, Jeff?
JEFF KENT
I was due to come around any day now, anyway. Manny’s getting all the attention, but I see right through him…it’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair!
Jeff Kent begins stamping his feet, the place starts rattling and shaking and things start falling off shelves. He storms out, as LARRY BOWA comes in.
LARRY BOWA
What’s his problem?
JOE TORRE
I don’t know, something about Manny.
Joe looks a little queasy all of a sudden, then tumbles over. Larry Bowa rushes over to him.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM.
Joe Torre lies in bed. He does not look good. Manny and Andrea rush in.
ANDREA
Dad! We came as soon as we heard!
JOE TORRE
It’s okay sweetheart, just some routine tests.
MANNY
Here, let me make you more comfortable Mr. Coach…
He starts playing with the buttons on the bed…it goes crazy as Joe Torre is squeezed, turned concave, then tilted backwards until Andrea grabs the controller from him and rights the bed. Dr. STAN CONTE comes in.
STAN CONTE
Coach, things are very preliminary…but we might have to face something very serious. I’d like to run a few more tests.
JOE TORRE
Just give it to me straight, Doc.
STAN CONTE
It looks like you might have…Clubhouse Cancer.
(gasp) Joe maintains a steady gaze, but Andrea bursts into tears and rushes over to hug him. Manny suddenly looks very nervous.
CUT TO:
INT. DODGER CLUBHOUSE
Manny rushes around, trying to clean the place up. He takes the dirty uniforms from the surprised attendant, and starts doing the laundry. Unfortunately, he uses too much soap and starts a cascade of bubbles.
Later, the other players come in to discover new Barcaloungers in front of all their lockers. It doesn’t leave anybody any room to get changed.
EXT. THE STANDS, AFTER THE GAME
Manny is out in the left field pavilion, cleaning up all the trash, and mopping up some vomit. All the ushers and cleaning crews are staring at him and shaking their heads. Andrea and Larry Bowa come up the steps and one of the ushers points him out.
ANDREA
Manny, what are you doing?
MANNY
Andrea, it’s all my fault! I’m so sorry, but I’m the cause of your Papa’s sickness. I am the clubhouse cancer!
ANDREA
Manny…
MANNY
It happened in Cleveland, and in Boston, and now here! I’ll cut my hair, anything, I just want Mr. Joe to get better!
He breaks down crying. Andrea and Larry Bowa just look at him and smile. Joe Torre comes up behind him.
MANNY
I would do anything to see Mr. Joe healthy again! Take me, Lord, take me!
JOE TORRE
Take you where?
Manny turns and screams. Then he leaps onto Torre and twirls him around
MANNY
Mr. Joe!
JOE TORRE
It’s okay, the tests came back negative. Just some bad sushi I guess. Funny thing, the pain went away right around the time Jeff Kent blew out his knee. Go figure.
Manny looks at the camera, understanding crossing his face.
MANNY
Dio Mio!
THE END.
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david
Posts:431
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| 09-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| that clubhouse cancer is tearing it up. nothing like a change of scenery. |
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Cookie
Posts:595
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| 09-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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Well.. now the (fake) Dodgers have an easy rest of season schedule. Should bode well for them.
And frickin' Nomar?!?! I guess the pod people returned him to the field.
What the heck are the Mutts up to?!? Jeez. I told ya to put a fork in Pedro before the season even started. That dude is done.
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Hank from Ronkonkoma
Posts:47
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| 09-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Wagner is likely out for the season. . . this means we have a chance... |
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TheMatts
Posts:1580
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| 09-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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WCC: Brilliant! Genius! Laugh out loud funny!!!
Cookie: How dare you!? Pedro will be the MVP of the World Series.
Hank: You never know... |
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TheMatts
Posts:1580
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| 09-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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And how about a GREAT NIGHT last night at Shea?! Just when it seemed like it was going to be the ultimate disaster (Santana wobbling with 30ish pitches in the 1st) C-Dag comes up HUGE with more monster hits. Hey, Clancy - did you notice Castillo getting a nice seat during both games? We want your recap on that!
What about the NY Bretts?! They held on for a BIG WIN against the Miami Chadfins, making it a GREAT DAY IN NY!!! Unless, of course, you are an American League NY fan... Ouch. But at least we get to hear A-Rod's post-game analysis: "Well, we had some good swings and need to take it one game at a time and not give up." West Coast Craig needs to work Alex into the next Manny segment. |
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ActiveForums 3.6
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MATTS-MATICS: NY Jets vs NY Rangers |
BRAVE Fan Talks REDSKINS
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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