Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
BRONX, NY – Had an unsettling night of terror last night involving Tom Coughlin’s fiery red skull chasing me down the streets of Manhattan. For the longest time it didn’t say a word, and then it started shrieking, “Two minutes left! Don’t f*** it up!” over and over and over again, until I woke up. […]
NEW YORK, NY – It’s amazing how easily we throw around the word “genius” these days. On intelligentsia magnets such as Facebook, you’re a genius if you can figure out a simple math progression or know the difference between “two,” “to” and “too.” You talk to yourself while walking down the street? According to some […]
BRONX, NY – You ever have one of those stretches where it seems like nothing goes right? Just one exploding stove and high gruesome after another? Y’know, like Terry Collins? Well I’m in the midst of one, but who the eff cares? The last thing you people need to hear is a bunch of b*tching […]
New York, NY – It’s 10 am on a beautiful day here in New York, and I’m happy to report that (by popular demand) MTM CEO Matt McCarthy is on a plane heading out of town. It doesn’t matter where he’s going, just so long as he’s not here. I know this because he texted […]
BRONX, NY – I wrote this on Monday night so I didn’t need to miss any of last night’s 5-2 Mets win over the Cubbies. Despite what my wife says, I’m such a forward thinker… at least selectively. Anyway, I did not come here to trash the city of Chicago, I came here to praise […]
New York, NY – Am I worried that Jacob deGrom is due for a stinker? Nah… even though he is. Am I at all concerned that Zack Greinke is every bit as good as Clayton Kershaw who just toyed with the Mets two nights ago? Why would I be? They’re two different pitchers. One looks […]