Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Thank God It’s Angry Ward Friday: Mookie and Tebow and Football, OH MY!

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BRONX, NY – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, except for a select few, the work ethic around here is abysmal. I got a text over two hours ago from Management saying they were “piecing something together” because one of our intrepid staff drank a little too much liquid comedy last night and […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: An Idiot’s Guide to the Rest of the NFL Playoffs

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BRONX, NY – This weekend the NFL playoffs enter the Divisional Round, where all the good teams with first round byes will seemingly beat the piss out of those four teams who scrapped and scraped their way through the Road Warrior Wild Card Weekend. This is also the weekend when Jerry Jones takes Mike McCarthy […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday 2020: No More Cowboys Cruelty, Knicks Snickering, and Other New Year’s Resolutions I Have No Intention of Keeping

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“Let’s turn over a new leaf. And Baby let’s make promises that we can keep, and call it our New Year’s Resolution.” BRONX, NY –  So goes the above first chorus lyric to the best New Year’s song ever, Otis Redding and Carla Thomas‘ “New Year’s Resolution.” I personally have never been a big fan […]

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Merry Ward Wednesday: Burning Down the House

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Hold tight, wait till the party’s over Hold tight, We’re in for nasty weather There has got to be a way Burning down the house! BRONX, NY – Merry Christmas to all! OK, now that we got that out of the way, let’s trash everything. The Mets signed Dellin Betances, which pretty much guarantees that he […]

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Winter Wardlock Wednesday: Jets Fans, James Dolan, and Other Christmas “Specials”

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BRONX, NY – Christmas is only a week away, and I’ve got plenty to do. Still a few gifts to pick up, but not many, still a few of my favorite holiday movies to watch, like The Man Who Came to Dinner and The Shop Around the Corner, and still gotta square away the roast beast […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Impeach The Wilpons, Shurmur, MLB and Belichick

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[Reaching for Merriam-Webster Dictionary, flipping though pages until landing in the “I” section] im·peach | impeached; impeaching; impeaches Definition of impeach transitive verb 1: to charge with a crime or misdemeanor specifically : to charge (a public official) before a competent tribunal with misconduct in office 2: to cast doubt on especially : to challenge […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Booger, Suzyn, the Boys, and Others Who Won’t Be Getting a Christmas Card from Me

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BRONX, NY – Good people, I think we really need to get together and think about banning any more Thanksgivings that happen just a couple of days before the beginning of December. We also need to change Halloween to the final Saturday in October, but I’ll save that argument for another time. Back to this […]

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Thankful Ward Wednesday: Let Us Give Thanks

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BRONX, NY – Here we are on Thanksgiving Eve, and fewer people than usual are seeing this post today. It matters not. I am a content-producing robot, built and named by Management. Actually more like, hit over the head and shanghaied onto a creaky, leaky ship by Management. Again, the backstory doesn’t matter at this point. […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Chargers, MLB, and Tanking Teams Think Too Much

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BRONX, NY – Before I get going on like my billionth post for this site, I want to direct anyone who didn’t happen to read Ben Whitney’s very funny piece yesterday to do that right now. It was truly stellar. For everyone else who has to write this week, don’t worry, I’m here to lower […]

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Angrier Ward Saturday: Late, Late, Late Edition

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BRONX, NY – You know what I hate more than anything about this site? Do you? It’s when I post a column late on a Saturday morning because it’s approaching noon and nothing is up, then something finally gets posted right after I take the time to fill the void… THEN, when I finally take […]

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