Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
NEW YORK, NY – Today is November 27, Thanksgiving Eve, and it’s on like Donkey Kong. Sure the weather is wreaking havoc with travel plans, and possibly parade balloons, but who cares? The gluttonous holiday marathon starts now. You know the drill. Loosen those belts and purse strings because now through January 1st, it’s eat, […]
NEW YORK, NY – A week from tomorrow, at long last it will be Thanksgiving, that magical time of year when families come together to eat and drink more than human bodies were designed to and try like hell not to strangle one another. This is followed immediately by an even more magical night, Black […]
NEW YORK, NY – As I sit here writing this on a postcard picture perfect Autumn day, I am all of a sudden hyper-aware that the holiday season is upon us. Thanksgiving will be here before you know it (Go Detroit Lions!) and then it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, The Bacon Feast of Yim… whatever your […]
“I could have sworn Sarah Palin said John McCain was a Maverick.” NEW YORK, NY – Look, it’s been well-documented already, I’m in Sports Hell. The Red Sox and Cardinals are in the World Series, my Minnesota Vikings are absolutely hapless and will most likely spend their first round pick next year on their first […]
New York, NY – After Management denied my vacation request this week, I toyed with the idea of titling today’s column 5 Years a Slave, but felt that would be incredibly disrespectful to the memory of real humans who were forced into slavery (I volunteered) as well as a movie that’s a current Oscar™ favorite. Instead, […]