Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
NEW YORK, NY – So, it has come to my attention that Short Matt is stepping out of the office this week to deal with some family matters. Like everyone else, I hope that everything works out on that end. But what kind of person would I be if I didn’t take advantage of the […]
Bronx, NY - With soccer exiting stage left (congrats to the Germans for finally finding success when it comes to fighting the rest of the world) and baseball taking it’s annual summer vacation (just when the Mets were starting to play well), now’s a good time to take a few deep breaths, let out all of that […]
CONEY ISLAND (BROOKLYN), NY – I seriously haven’t a clue as to where to begin this tale, so I’m just going to jump right in and take my chances. I’ll try to keep below a 1,000 word limit, but I could easily go 5,000 and more. I make no promises. For starters, the reason I […]
BRONX, NY – “Don’t call it a comeback. I’ve been here for years.” It’s sad but true, I really have been here for years. My two-week hiatus is over and a lot has transpired since I last posted. For starters, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog covered the World Cup for Conan, which was great. Then, […]
Bronx, NY - Tonight the New York Rangers desperately try to stave off elimination from the Stanley Cup Finals at Madison Square Garden, an arena that sits atop a sh**thole of a train station, which itself is probably built on some sort of prehistoric Stegosaurus Port-o-Potty. Anyway, everyone here in New York is hoping against hope that […]
BRONX, NY – Last week I was in my usual position of trying to get my kid out the door and off to school as she was in the middle of her morning routine of picking out what color gummy vitamins she wanted and which random toy or artifact she should stuff in her backpack […]