Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: The Jets Are Garbage, The Pats Are Gonna Win It All, and Other NFL Absolutes

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BRONX, NY – We’re one week into the NFL season and already sports talkers everywhere are making bold proclamations. “Dallas might be the best team in football!” “Todd Gurley could be done.” “The Cleveland Browns might not be that good.” Yeah, that last one is fairly hilarious. Right up there with the headline: Sun Will […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Back to School and Back to Football

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BRONX, NY – Today is September 4th. I’m not gonna hit you with one of those “where did summer go?” platitudes, because I kinda know where it went. Here’s a general recap. School’s out!, Women’s World Cup, Swimming, More swimming, Rum drink, Rum drink, Rum drink, Pete Alonso!, Travel, Travel, Travel, Mets suck, Damn Yankees, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Super ’70s Flashback and Flashforward

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BRONX, NY – A couple of weeks ago my brother suggested I do a column that mentions a bunch of stuff we watched on TV in our youth and somehow tie it into sports. When I told him that I had done this many times before, he wasn’t having it. What can I say, the […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Pete Alonso Socks, Daniel Jones Sucks(?), and Former Mets are Dealin’!

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BRONX, NY – I’m back in the New York groove. A little over a week in Florida was plenty. Among my insanely predictable takeaways, this so-called “battleground state” now seems mostly red (maybe it’s the sun), and I am now fully retired from going to Orlando theme parks. I’d sooner buy my daughter a pony […]

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Working Vacation Ward Wednesday: Unlimited Pasta, Prescott, and Mets Coverage

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SCORCHED HELLSCAPE, FL – Why the hell do I continue to fire off columns, into the void, even while on vacation? I think there’s no good answer except to say that, by now, it’s out of habit more than anything. Let this serve as a dire warning to the Ben Whitneys and Buddy Diazes of […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Antonio Brown’s Feet, Zeke on the Street, and the Mets Can’t Be Beat

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NEW YORK, NY – The New York Metropolitans are clearly on a mission from God and an unstoppable juggernaut. But you already knew that, so I won’t waste your time. Don’t fret, there’s plenty of other stuff to talk about… and none of it rugby. Let’s get to it! Antonio Blecch! Have you gotten a load of […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: MLB Trading Deadline Doldrums and NFL Nonsense

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BRONX, NY – Happy last day of July! Maybe ever. Who knows? Donald Trump’s brain is infested with rats and water bugs and backed up Chicken McNugget farts, while Moscow Mitch McConnell has his Depends in a twist over his awesome new nickname. But we’re not here to discuss dangerously stupid racists or treasonous weasels, we’re […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: I Could Use a Vacation from Brodie, Harden, Beckham and Sports in General

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BRONX, NY – It’s been more quiet than usual around here lately. I mean, even me, Whitney, and Dude aren’t showing up regularly to chime in with our standard gems and witty repartee. It’s summer, and it’s understandable. Everybody needs a vacation, even from the most pleasant and stimulating pursuits, but especially from sports. I […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Big Little d’Arnaud, Cleveland Orange is the New Black, and Other Stranger Things in Sports

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BRONX, NY – When it comes to “date nights” my wife and I (predictably) have different ideas of what would make for a great night out. She skews towards theater and movies (often ‘The Muted Heart” variety that George Costanza’s fiancée Susan favored) while my idea of a good time involves a great meal and drinks […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Hot Fun in the Summertime

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BRONX, NY – There’s been no shortage of sports shenanigans, political controversies, and other random rancor to sort through recently, and that’s all fine and good. But, to paraphrase Crash Davis, “Now I’m tired and I don’t want to think about baseball and I don’t want to think about quantum physics and I don’t want […]

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