Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
BRONX, NY – Do you seriously expect me to write about sports today? I’ve been writing about sports for this site for longer than I can remember. Besides, what’s there to write about these days? A guy beating on his fiancée with his fists? A guy repeatedly whipping his four-year-old with a switch? A guy pulling his girlfriend […]
BRONX, NY – It’s time to take ownership, people. Ownership of your words, ownership of your actions, and ownership of what types of owners own your favorite sports teams. If recent events have taught us anything, it’s that we just can’t scrutinize the players we root for but we must also take a good long […]
BRONX, NY – I have zero time to be writing a column this week, but to hell with it. I’ll even overlook the fact that this past week I missed out on a trip to the beach, free box seats, food, and drink at a Mets game, and free three-hour open bar at another Mets […]
BRONX, NY – I think I speak for the masses when I say: Enough with the frogging ice bucket challenge already! At this point everyone from Mickey Rourke to Mark Zuckerberg has done it… and it’s getting a little annoying. Lady Gaga, Buck Showalter, Oprah Winfrey, Chris Christie, basically anyone with an instagram account, some […]
Bronx, NY – Though I returned to Metropolitan terra firma late Monday afternoon, I am not exactly back in the New York groove that Ace Frehley likes to warble about… at least not just yet. For starters, me and the family clambered into an air-condtionless taxi at LaGuardia and I was immediately bombarded with a […]
PALM BEACH, FL – “Down doobie doo down down. Comma comma down doobie doo down down. Comma comma down doobie doo down down. Breaking up is hard to do.” This week’s post was supposed to be about my trip up to Jupiter, Florida for a minor league baseball game/beer tasting (it was more beer than […]