Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: The Permanent Road Trip. Plus, NHL North Dakota, MLB Arizona

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PALM BEACH, FL – So many people, where you are and around the world, are cooped up inside these days lamenting the never-ending homestand they are currently experiencing. In sports, it’s great to be at home, playing on your home field, court, or ice,  eating home-cooked meals, sleeping in your own bed, getting to see […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Pete LaCock, Jeff Wilpon, Gorman Thomas, Covid-19 – Are You Intrigued Yet?

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PALM BEACH, FL – What to say? I’m thinking about the fact that we are all sheltering in, at least the smart ones. I’m currently in a state with a Governor that was most likely voted in by a sh!t-ton of senior citizens and is still not taking this thing seriously. As Ben Whitney pointed […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Let Yourself Go… Like Thor, Olympians, Cam Newton and Bartolo

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PALM BEACH, FL – Now is not the time to wax poetic or come up with clever puns or make endless jokes about keeping Short Matt in quarantine until 2060. No. Now is the time to just speak the plain truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Except, of course, if you are […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: I Have Not Come Here to Bury the NFL… for Once. Plus Kevin Durant Goes Corona

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PALM BEACH, FL – Greetings from God’s Waiting Room, which may be forced to relinquish that title, given the current pandemic. It’s getting weirder by the day on planet Earth and in these United States. I mean, if we’re going to be forced to live out a bad 1990s “everyone’s gonna die” movie, at least make […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Coronavirus Edition – Rams New Look and Sports Shutdowns

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NEW YORK, NY – I’m not here today to make jokes about Coronavirus or COVID-19 or whatever the hip kids are calling it these days. This sh!t is to be taken seriously, as evidenced by the exponential rise of cases and the steps being taken to contain the spread. The good news is, if you are […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Spoiler Alerts for Knicks, Yanks, Giants, Jets and Others

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BRONX, NY – Hello out there to all you rugby fans, angry loners, and volunteer creative work enthusiasts. Welcome to Wednesday, the Donald Trump of weekdays. Like many of you nervous nellies, I’ve been prepping for the inevitable spread of the Coronavirus. I’ve also been stocking up on Boar’s Head Ham, in the event of […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Football Hands, Deranged Yanks Fans, and Ho Hum Heavyweights

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BRONX, NY – Hey, everyone! It’s the sh!ttiest day of the week, as we count down the final days of the sh!ttiest month of the year. As the Partridge Family used to sing, “c’mon get happy!” Before you know it, I’ll be down at Spring Training in God’s Waiting Room trying out some new heckles for […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: A-Rod Eyes Mets, Greg Olsen Should Retire, and a Fun Day for Felons

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BRONX, NY – If you came here today looking for more Astros bashing, ruh roh, I’ve decided to give it at least a one-day hiatus. Not that it doesn’t deserve the wall-to-wall coverage, particularly the “Rob Manfred’s a toothless b!tch” takes, but I’m personally a little worn out on it. Instead, let’s go dumpster-diving through whatever […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Nuptials, New Stadiums and Other Assorted Nonsense in Las Vegas

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BRONX, NY – Just took the redeye back from my friend’s wedding in Vegas and, on this rainy Monday afternoon/evening, I figured writing this week’s column was the perfect task to help me power through to my normal Eastern Standard bedtime and reset the old (and it is old) body clock. Besides, being in Vegas […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: In NYC Baseball is King

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NEW YORK, NY – Football season is over, but here in Metropolitan New York it ended a long time ago. Some might even argue that it concluded way back on January 8, 2017, during the Giants’ last playoff appearance. Whatever the case, New York fans enjoy all sports, and follow them all year long, but […]

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