Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
BRONX, NY/INTERNETSVILLE, USA – Today we get scientific in a way that only countless social media shares and assorted internet “news sites” can inspire. This is important stuff, people. You need to know what you’re doing to yourselves! It’s not too late, dammit!!! This is what happens to your body when you watch the New York […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FL – It was cooling off a tad too much for my liking in NYC, so I decided to head south for one last summer schvitz. But the minute I get outta Dodge, they blow up my former high school, the market goes in the crapper, and the Mets offense starts swallowing […]
BRONX, NY – Just got back from a somewhat difficult day at work. I overslept this morning, skipped lunch, and the temperature in NYC reached 95. I’m overheated, underfed, and downright ornery. Seems like the perfect time to bang out another edition of Angry Ward. Bobby Parnell Sucks! Please make Bobby Parnell and his arsonist […]
BRONX, NY – It was a scant couple of weeks ago when I wrote this sign-off on my column: “*Note to Management: I am on vacation as of today. As Dr. Leo Marvin prescribed to Bob Wiley in What About Bob?, I am taking a vacation from my problems until further notice. Thanks, everyone!” I thought […]
BRONX, NY – So, it seems as though New York #Mets reliever Jenrry Mejia has been suspended for 162 games after testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs for the second time this season. Yes, you and I both read that right: Mejia, who already served an 80-game suspension this season, failed a second test. WTF??? Don’t […]
BRONX, NY – As I write this, it’s only T-minus two days until Mrs. Angry returns from taking a bunch of high-schoolers to England and my life gets back to whatever passes for normal. On the upside, I’ve managed to binge watch just about every summery movie I could get my hands on (Rear Window, One […]