Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Wilford Brimley, Bump Bailey and Other Unnatural Things About “The Natural”

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“Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers.”  —Jimmy Breslin (1928-2017) BRONX, NY – My wife’s brother and his family came up from Orlando to visit us this past weekend, so naturally I subjected them to watching movies that I wanted to watch. After my suggestions […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: NCAA Basketball, Pats in Sports, Other March Sadness, Sports Weather Emergency

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BRONX, NY – Today is March 15th, a magical time of year for Irish alcoholics (redundant?), people who like throwing away their money on NCAA Basketball pools, and psychopaths who enjoy blizzards after the temperatures have already climbed over 70 degrees. Let your freak flags fly, people! Watch that awful/awesome “Leprechaun” movie that Jennifer Aniston […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Bogut Breaks, Bambi Steaks, Tank Time for Jets and Lakes

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BRONX, NY – I was watching “All the President’s Men” on Sunday night, because I wanted to remind myself of a simpler time when jagoff, crooked politicians were held accountable by somewhat competent journalists and informants named after porn movies. Then, on Monday night, I watched the Tom Hanks ’80s classic, “The Money Pit.” You put those […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: David Wright and Adrian Peterson and the Time to Hang ‘Em Up

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BRONX, NY – I had a fun film-based column planned for today, but yesterday’s news about New York Mets’ third baseman David Wright and Minnesota Vikings’ tailback Adrian Peterson pretty much demanded some sort of response. The news isn’t great. Do the Wright Thing. So, Mets’ captain David Wright was sent back to New York from Spring […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Tom Brady’s Stupid Stolen Super Bowl Jersey is Worth More than My Life

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BRONX, NY – Welcome, my friends, to another Worst Day of the Week in the Worst Month of the Year, in what may turn out to be the worst year of the decade. There’s so little to discuss that isn’t completely depressing, so let’s not try to avoid any of it. Let’s sit down with the […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Owners, Golfers, Flynns and Other Heartless Sports

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BRONX, NY – Writing this on Valentine’s Day night and, for once, it’s a welcome distraction. My kid’s been eating candy all day and I need to tune out the sugar-charged hyperactivity. Since it’s V-Day, I’ve decided to focus on matters of the heart or, rather, lack thereof. Sports Owners. At the top of the list […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Brady’s Jersey and Betsy DeVos Answers Your Sports Questions

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BRONX, NY – Back from Florida, where I barely survived four days of trying to kill myself with rum and gambling and mammoth hamburgers and more rum. On Tuesday, Betsy DeVos was confirmed by the Senate as this country’s new Secretary of Education as Mike Pence, still in his medically-induced coma, blinked twice to cast […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Sports B Sides Strock, Cerone, Lundquist, Harper, Venus

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FT. LAUDERDALE, FL – I’m writing this Monday and hoping, with the promise of some snow coming in, that my flight gets out of LGA tomorrow. Anyway, if it’s Wednesday, and I’m not in Florida enjoying a Gosling’s rum, you can bet your a$$ that I am angrier than usual. Don’t feel like writing much of […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Knicks Great, Johnny Manziel Cured, and Other Alternative Sports Facts

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BRONX, NY – There’s been a lot happening the past couple of weeks. The NFL playoffs aside, nothing has been bigger than what’s been going on down in our nation’s capital. We had a new President sworn in, followed by hundreds of thousands of women descending on D.C. the very next day. If President Sunkist wasn’t […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: What Board Game is Your Favorite Sports Team?

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BRONX, NY – Hey there, sports dopes, shiftless employees, and assorted other loners. It’s another wonderful Wednesday here at MeetTheMatts.com. NFL playoffs, Trump inauguration, the Knicks still sucking… so much to talk about. But, to hell with that noise, I want to write about old-timey board games – y’know, the one’s you used to play with […]

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