Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
BRONX, NY – “Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too. Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.” Actually, it’s not exactly great sleigh riding weather here in the New York metropolitan area, but that’s not stopping local stores and radio stations from bombarding us with every holiday song imaginable. (Air […]
BRONX, NY – It’s that time of year again. The holidays are in full swing. McCartney and Mariah Carey songs flood the airwaves, disoriented tourists clog the streets and subways, and sidewalk Santas and the homeless compete in a Steel Cage Death Match for our Christmas shopping change. Its also time for all of your […]
BRONX, NY – It’s December 3rd, and there are all sorts of feel-good holiday sports stories floating around these days. In Nassau County, the New York Islanders have the most wins in the NHL, a Festivus miracle if ever there were one. Meanwhile the San Francisco 49ers have already completed their holiday shopping and are planning on […]
BRONX, NY – Today is the day before Thanksgiving and I have to be frank with you; I have precious little time to bang out a column. The best way to describe my life these days is, “utter chaos.” I was going to try to tap out a simple seasonal column of things to be thankful […]
BRONX, NY – Lots to cover here today, with much of it concerning the ladies, so let’s get right to it. Kim Cracks the Internet. For those of you who have been sleeping in a ditch or in a Giants-induced catatonia, human vacancy sign Kim Kardashian attempted to “break the Internet” last week when Paper […]
BRONX, NY – We’ve been experiencing some unseasonably high temps here in the Northeast the past couple of days, but now local forecasters are doing their best to scare everyone stupid by talking about another “POLAR VORTEX!!!” pushing down from the North this Thursday. Oh my God, tomorrow night we may drop all the way into […]