Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Miami, Buffalo, Maryland, Josh Gordon… Sports Postcards from Hell

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BRONX, NY – I’m back from Vacation! Tra-la-lee! What the hell were the Go-Go’s talking about when they got all weepy and wistful about the passing of a restful, resplendent summer recess. They clearly didn’t have kids or went to Disney in August. Crawling back into NYC on my hands and knees, bloated, beleaguered and thinking […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Olympic Basketball, A-Rod, Election, Summer of Loathe

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PALM BEACH, FL – Taking a well-deserved break from my exhausting vacation to crank out another bunch of crap for my bald, bike-less boss. On the bright side, I somehow stumbled into cooler weather by heading out of NYC and down to South Florida, so there’s that. But otherwise, for the most part, this summer […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Alex Rodriguez, Special Advisor. What the Hell is That?

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BRONX, NY – This past Sunday, legendary liar and baseball player Alex Rodriguez announced that he would be taking his talents to Nowheresville. Yep, with one year and $27 million remaining on his contract, the Yankees not-so-subtly told him to pack up his things and go to hell. Yet, they did it “the Yankee Way,” […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: A-Rod, Harvey, Puig: MLB Trade Deadline Deals that Didn’t Go Through

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BRONX, NY – Well, the Major League Baseball trading deadline has come and gone and here’s what we know. The Yankees know they suck and sold off half their team and don’t really give a rat’s ass about George Steinbrenner’s corpse spinning faster than a Cuisinart blender on “liquify.” We also know that Jonathan Lucroy thinks […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Ichiro, Cowboys, Durant and Lucroy

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BRONX, NY – Banging this one out just before deadline on Tuesday. It’s my wife’s birthday, I’m holding off on dinner and my dog, Griffey, is doing everything in his power to get me to play fetch rather than slap together another lackluster column. Where in the wide, wide world of sports are my priorities? […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Worst Ballpark Food, Yankees Scandal, Bartolo and Other Fake Reader Mail

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BRONX, NY – It’s the All-Star Break. Time to kick back, relax, and reflect on all the time you’ve wasted watching sports and visiting this site and, yes, writing for this site. It’s also time to avoid watching the pointless Home Run Derby and instead watch old ’80s summer movies and drink Dark and Stormys. […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Kiner’s Korner, Rizzuto, Midnight Wrestling. Sports the Way They Used to Be

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BRONX, NY – All of this basketball free agency bed-hopping, babying of baseball players, and the now 12-month-a-year NFL news cycle have got me longing for a simpler time. A time when the Mets played on WOR Channel 9, the Yankees played on WPIX 11, and Gilligan’s Island reruns played on WNEW Channel 5. Back […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Bobby Knight, Dennis Rodman and Other Trump Sports Morons

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BRONX, NY – As Brother Junoir Blaber said yesterday, baseball is in full swing… but there will be plenty of time to talk about that. The 2016 Presidential race is also in full swing- even in non-swing states – and since this contest is down to two teams (sorry, Bernie) let’s stick with it for a […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday Wish List: Vikes, Mariners, No-Hitters and Guns

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NEW YORK, NY – If my life ended tomorrow, I wouldn’t be too thrilled. But I also wouldn’t feel that I got cheated. I’ve been drawing breath on this big blue marble for almost a half century now and I’ve done and seen some pretty amazing things. Along the way, I jumped out of a perfectly […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Like Ali and Gordie Howe, Grim Reaper after Your Sports Legends

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NEW YORK, NY – We’re barely halfway through 2016, and already it’s been a brutal year for deaths. David Bowie? Prince? Alan Rickman? Abe Vigoda? Death has been truly thinning the ranks of the entertainment industry, and sports is no different. Just recently we lost two giants in Muhammad Ali and Gordie Howe. And even one […]

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