Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
BRONX, NY – Today is March 25th, and it’s officially spring, the worst season of the year. What’s that you say? Spring is lovely? A time of rebirth and romance and regular tires? Bullsh~t. Spring sucks. If it’s not still snowing, it’s pissing rain. Your taxes are due. You put on crap-load of winter weight. […]
BRONX, NY – How about that Rangers/Islanders game last night? Wow! Right? The Rangers still have 4 games in hand, blah, blah, blah… Okay, thought I’d get that out of the way in anticipation of all of the, “Why aren’t we talking about the Rangers and/or Islanders?” comments today. What’s that? You want to talk […]
BRONX, NY – Last week infamous ISIL hatchet hood Jihad John (I’d like to market a line of Port-o-Potties under this name) was unmasked as a former snot-nosed London schoolboy with some serious pent up behavioral issues. Was this really such a surprise? I mean, the guy is the terrorist equivalent of that kid in Junior High who wouldn’t hit […]
?????, NY – Just awoke from a NyQuil-induced fever-dream. Before regaining whatever you would call this blurry state of consciousness, I imagined a movie “concept” where a guy slipped on a sheet of ice, landed square on his bum, and unfortunately found his smartphone embedded in his left ass cheek. The good news is, this […]
BRONX, NY – I’m done trying to write about sports in February. I’d sooner pen a critical essay after watching a 24-hour Caillou marathon. (Those of you who don’t know what this is, consider yourselves blessed and move on.) Today I’m just gonna talk about any damn thing I feel like. You don’t like it? Go […]