Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Cano, Wentz, Carmelo and other Examples of Sports Addition by Subtraction

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BRONX, NY – In 2001 the Seattle Mariners turned Major League Baseball on its ear by winning 116 regular season games. They accomplished this feat without the benefit of Randy Johnson, Ken Griffey Jr., and Alex Rodriguez, three of the franchise’s cornerstone players, who had all talked their way out of town. Though they didn’t go […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: I’m All in on Legal Sports Gambling

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BRONX, NY – Let’s just cut to the chase this week. The Supreme Court ruled on Monday that states outside of Nevada can now have legal sports gambling. While I’ll be nice and shed a tear for all the old-school bookies, I cheer that the good citizens of New York, New Jersey and every other state […]

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ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: Farewell, New York Giants

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NEW YORK, NY – On Tuesday May 1st, a deadline came and went unnoticed, by everyone but me. This was the drop-dead date for me to renew my New York Football Giants season tickets. They were actually my Dad’s tickets, though I had taken them over years ago. I was ready to bail last year, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Bron, Baseball, Pucks, Ohtani and Other Hot Garbage

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BRONX, NY – I just got back from walking the dog, and if the current temps are any indication, Angry Ward Wednesday is gonna be a hot one in NYC. That’s not the only sign that summer is on its way. To wit, Yankees fans are overheating with excitement about their team’s play against the pathetic […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Don’t Worry, The Yankees Still Suck

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BRONX, NY – My good friend Emily delivered a terrific sermon last Sunday about love, which she was nice enough to share with me. Among her many spot-on observations was one concerning how failing at something often gives us humans a more complete perspective on whatever that thing might be. For whatever reason, I immediately thought […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Manila, Morganna, Miracle on Ice and other Unrealized Sports Goals

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BRONX, NY – There’s no denying it anymore, I’m getting old. Been around long enough to have watched black and white TV, used a rotary telephone, tapped away on both manual and electric typewriters, and pleasured myself to photos in a magazine. That’s downright decrepit in a lot of books… hell, in any book. As far […]

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Angry Ward: JFK Stall Tactics and the New York Mets

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NEW YORK, NY – This past Saturday I had no choice but to tend to some urgent intestinal matters in a restroom at JFK Airport. It’s bad enough to have to fly out of JFK, but to have to use its lavatories is a truly depressing endeavor. On the bright side, I was in the […]

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Relaxed Ward Wednesday: Unwritten Rules, Unbreakable Records, Pitching Around the Yanks

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PALM BEACH, FL – Enjoying Spring Break with the family down in sunny Florida while friends in NYC are hitting me with a barrage of texts featuring photos of snow. Looks pretty… awful. While I can’t quite match that in the “misery loves company” department, I did have to go to a Walmart the other day, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: At Least You’ve Got Your Health… Unless You’re Bridgewater, Bumgarner, Bird, Mets, Warriors, etc.

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BRONX, NY – Lots of elements go into a winning season in sports. You’ve got outstanding singular players, team chemistry, great defense, potent offense, terrific coaching, winning streaks, timing, luck, and, yes, bad sh!t happening to other teams. It’s that last one that can often be the ultimate difference-maker. You can have the best team in […]

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Angry Ward: March Badness – The Mets are Doomed, So’s Your NCAA Bracket, and NFL Draft Talk is for Suckers

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BRONX, NY – It’s snowing like mad… at least that’s what I’m assuming, based on Tuesday night’s projections. Isn’t that f**king great? While I’ve long argued that February is the worst month of all, don’t sell March short. Both months are like god-awful sequels to all of the other great months. Think of them as The […]

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