Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
?????, NY – Just awoke from a NyQuil-induced fever-dream. Before regaining whatever you would call this blurry state of consciousness, I imagined a movie “concept” where a guy slipped on a sheet of ice, landed square on his bum, and unfortunately found his smartphone embedded in his left ass cheek. The good news is, this […]
BRONX, NY – I’m done trying to write about sports in February. I’d sooner pen a critical essay after watching a 24-hour Caillou marathon. (Those of you who don’t know what this is, consider yourselves blessed and move on.) Today I’m just gonna talk about any damn thing I feel like. You don’t like it? Go […]
BRONX, NY – It’s February, the Super Bowl is over, everything in the Northeast is encased in a block of ice, and this is normally time for my annual suicide column about how there’s nothing going on in sports and there’s no reason to live. Not so, this year. There’s plenty to chew on and […]
BRONX, NY – It’s the neverending week before the Super Bowl, we had a faux blizzard, we’re staring down the worst month of the year (February), and it’s Wednesday… we are officially in hell. What better time to talk about the final destination for the sports condemned than now. Here’s a quick-and-dirty guided tour of that […]
BRONX, NY – I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can’t stand the dead week between the NFL’s conference championship games and the Super Bowl. It’s fairly pointless. An unnecessary chunk of days and time spent cranking out inane stories on everything from Rob Gronkowski’s mom’s recipe for pierogi to a hard-hitting […]