Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: You Can Keep Today’s All-Stars, I’ll Take the Bird, the Cobra and Fernando

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NEW YORK, NY – They played the Major League Baseball’s All Star Game last night, and I didn’t watch a single inning. [Spoiler Alert: The AL won]. This doesn’t qualify as “big news” in my sand-grain-sized universe, in that I haven’t paid all that much attention to the All Star Game for years. Not exactly sure […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Your Sports Marriage Isn’t Working Out. Jeter, Bieber, Christie

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NEW YORK, NY – 24-year-old popster Justin Bieber got engaged the other day to Stephen Baldwin’s 21-year-old daughter (good luck with that father-in-law, Biebs), and the kids couldn’t seem happier. That’s the way it always is at the beginning: you’re going to great restaurants, getting bombed, having sex all the time, living in the “now,” and […]

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Angry Ward Independence Day: Sports Fireworks and Duds

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NEW YORK, NY – Today is the Fourth of July and, who are we kidding, no one is going to be visiting this site. Like Joey Chestnut winning the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest and Jeurys Familia sh!tting the bed in the 9th inning, it’s a given. Still, there’s a job to do, and I’m just […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Summer Fun – Then vs. Now

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BRONX, NY – For New York City Public School kids, classes finally came to a merciful end yesterday. I think we are the last city on the planet to release youngsters from their academic obligations… by a LOT. And I’m not one of those parents who wish the year ran longer for these kids. Strangely enough, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: The World is on Fire, So Let’s Talk About the Mets!

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BRONX, NY – Yesterday, my colleague in sports blog poverty, Ben Whitney, wrote a nice rundown of the Yankees. So, even though the United States has flushed almost every last shred of human decency down Trump’s gold-plated sh!tter, the least I can do is lighten the mood by talking about that hilarious troupe of baseball improv […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Yanks Reject Bryce Harper, World Cup Porto Party, and Utley Amazin’ Thor Video

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BRONX, NY – Look, it’s late. I think I’m losing what’s left of my mind. Against a lifetime of better judgement, I decided to take my kid to see the philharmonic in the park tonight. Who am I??? Just got home a shade before 11. Not good for her, but worse for me. I’m just gonna […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: 2018 MLB Baseball Season Shaping Up as Suckiest Ever

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NEW YORK, NY – I could spend today talking about how Trump disinviting the Philadelphia Eagles to the White House is a win-win-win, in that the Eagles don’t have to go, Trump doesn’t have to get butt-hurt because of the light turnout and bore us all with illiterate tweets, and the NFL looks like an even […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Hooray for Yankees Fans! No, I’m Serious.

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BRONX, NY – I was toying with the idea of changing my column name to “Ambivalent Ward Wednesday” to get in step with the general vibe of everyone (and I use that word liberally) else around here. But, nah. Besides, I got something I really want to write about this week. Don’t worry, it’s not about […]

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Angry Ward’s Rain Delay Theater

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BRONX, NY – Since CheesyBruin is still pillowing his way through divorcees on Florida’s West Coast, and no one else seems to be offering anything up yet on this rainy Sunday in NYC, I figured I’d jump in with some placeholder stuff. First of all, there’s this bit of fun from The Onion. In other news, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Cano, Wentz, Carmelo and other Examples of Sports Addition by Subtraction

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BRONX, NY – In 2001 the Seattle Mariners turned Major League Baseball on its ear by winning 116 regular season games. They accomplished this feat without the benefit of Randy Johnson, Ken Griffey Jr., and Alex Rodriguez, three of the franchise’s cornerstone players, who had all talked their way out of town. Though they didn’t go […]

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