Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: That Time I Didn’t Write a Column About Rex Ryan, Chris Sale, Trump, Klay Thompson

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BRONX, NY – You remember that time I didn’t write a column? Wasn’t that awesome? Like everyone thought I was gonna crank out some of my usual crap, and then I just didn’t? The best part about it was that it started so organically and then just grew into the big zero it was. It […]

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Hungry Ward Wednesday: Let Us Give Thanks

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BRONX, NY – Today is Thanksgiving Eve, one of my favorite days/nights of the year. For many years this was a night I would meet up with old college friends at Madison Square Garden for a college basketball doubleheader. Those were great times, until that one year that we all got so sloshed we pretty […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Ryan, Dykstra, Kemp and Other Trump Cabinet Choices

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BRONX, NY – Just recently, President-Elect Donald Trump’s top advisors (aka: Gingrich, Giuliani and the rest of the GOP walking dead) told Mr. Trump that it would be prudent to start thinking about his cabinet. Being the shrewd politico that he is, Donny hopped in his car and headed on over to IKEA. After purchasing […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Mets Flying, Knicks not Dying, and NFL Has Me Crying

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BRONX, NY – Your long national nightmare is over. After a one-week hiatus, Angry Ward Wednesday is back! This week I’m gonna try (*TRY!*) to stay positive among all of the negative… never an easy task for me. On top of this, I am eating a salad while penning this post, which is a way scarier […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Last-Second Halloween Sports Costumes for Jerks

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 BRONX, NY – I swear I am taking a vacation from this place starting next week. But, for now, I’ll crank out one more on the fly. Halloween is around the corner, kiddies. For those of you sports still struggling with what costume to wear, here are some easy last-minute Halloween Sports Costumes for Jerks: Josh […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Bama, Jazz, Bills, Wilt. Suck on These Sports Slogans

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BRONX, NY – I don’t want to write about politics. I don’t want to write about old TV shows. I don’t want to write about the unseasonably warm weather or kneeling during the National Anthem or the Great Barrier Reef wasting away. Honestly, I really don’t want to write at all this week. So, here’s […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Kicking Dirt on the New York Football Giants

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BRONX, NY – Friends, Giants Fans, Rusty Kuntz, lend me your ears; I have come to bury the New York Football Giants, not to praise them. We’re only 5 games into the NFL season, but already the Giants look dead in the water. I’m sure, at 2-3, there’s still some hope out there among the Big […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Your NY Mets Wildcard Survival Guide

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NEW YORK, NY – So tonight the team built from blooper bins and incredibly sad yard sales and, yes, dumpster diving–the New York Mets–take on the San Francisco Giants out in Flushing. It’s Madison Bumgarner vs. Noah Syndergaard, in a win-and-you’re-in/lose-and-you’re-free-to-celebrate-holidays-with-the-Jews type scenario. Tensions are running high in the Metropolitan area as New Yorkers everywhere […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Cheers to Keeping it All in The Family with Sports and Sitcoms

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BRONX, NY – I was gonna devote today’s column to giving a huge “F You!” to 2016, which has been just about the worst year in recent memory. But I’m not really down for giving the Grim Reaper or the upcoming election any more ink. Instead, I’m gonna talk about some of my all-time favorite sitcoms […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Forget Brangelina – Sports Divorces We’d Like to See

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BRONX, NY – Writing this on Tuesday night and I’m sure management is pissed about that. Tough darts, Matts. Anyway, the big news today was that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting a divorce and people are falling all over themselves on social media to put in their two cents. Never mind that people are […]

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