Author Archive for Angry Ward
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
BRONX, NY – I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can’t stand the dead week between the NFL’s conference championship games and the Super Bowl. It’s fairly pointless. An unnecessary chunk of days and time spent cranking out inane stories on everything from Rob Gronkowski’s mom’s recipe for pierogi to a hard-hitting […]
BRONX, NY – “That’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.” So goes the quote in the Savage Steve Holland 80s comedy Better off Dead, when two guys pruning a tree spy John Cusack in the back of a garbage truck. In the movie it was nothing more […]
BRONX, NY – We all say stuff like this at the end of every calendar year, but I mean it when I say “Good riddance to 2014.” This has not been an easy year for me and my family, as well as several good friends. Most of us are still drawing breath, which is awesome, but […]
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA- Merry Christmas, you stupid face American sports people!! We get tired of hacking them crybaby Hollywood losers at Sony, so instead we focus on even bigger losers on Meet The Matts, #1 web site for unemploy drunks. Here some super-hilarious Meet The Matts e-mail it took us like too seconds to hack. From: […]
BRONX, NY – “Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too. Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.” Actually, it’s not exactly great sleigh riding weather here in the New York metropolitan area, but that’s not stopping local stores and radio stations from bombarding us with every holiday song imaginable. (Air […]
BRONX, NY – It’s that time of year again. The holidays are in full swing. McCartney and Mariah Carey songs flood the airwaves, disoriented tourists clog the streets and subways, and sidewalk Santas and the homeless compete in a Steel Cage Death Match for our Christmas shopping change. Its also time for all of your […]