Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Monday: Eb’s Very Hot “Hawt Takes,” Bombers Bombed by Oakland, John Daly Back?

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BRONX, NY – It’s friggin’ hot here in the Northeast. So where’s DJ Eberle and his Hawt Takes, now that we need him? Is he scrambling for a “think piece” on what LeBron will do in 2018? Is he fighting the restraining order Chance the Rapper has taken out on him? Or maybe he’s just off […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Basketball’s Over. It’s Time for Baseball!

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BRONX, NY – The Golden State Warriors won the NBA Championship Monday night. I’m not gonna write about it, but it needed to be said. During the series, Tall Matt was on social media railing against this “superteam” that was ruining professional basketball. In his previous Shirley MacLaine lives, he also bashed John Wooden, the 1927 […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Peyton Plays, Macron Makes His Move, and Pour One Out for Your Comey

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BRONX, NY – Plenty to talk about in sports this week. There was another Marlins no-hitter in baseball last weekend (yawn). Some MMA guy named War Machine got life in prison after being convicted of 29 felonies associated with an attack on his girlfriend (sounds about right). And tonight, the oh-so-brave Cleveland Cavaliers will do everything […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Yanks Attendance Tanks, NFL, NBA, NHL On Ropes; Great Fan Revolt is Upon Us

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BRONX, NY – These days, stupid phrases like “They are coming for your guns!” and “They are taking all of your jobs!” are not only taken as gospel, they get you elected President. But we’re not here to drop petulant hashtags like #fakenews or #sad, or make anything great again. Today, let’s just talk some common […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: All I Need to Know About Sports I Learned From Donald Trump

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BRONX, NY – A few weeks back I poked a little fun at our current President by coming up with some completely fabricated sports-related tweets by him. Those words were clearly not his. For starters, there were no spelling errors. The other dead giveaway was, unlike his genuine twitter rants, #45 suffered absolutely no self-inflicted […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: No Column, But Free Booze! And Power Play Girls

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BRONX, NY – To me, there’s nothing all that compelling to write about. Ben Whitney handled the Mets and Yanks current status earlier today. The NHL playoffs died for me after the Caps/Pens series ended. Seriously, who cares about Nashville, Anaheim or Ottawa? And no one outside of Western Pennsylvania can want to see the Penguins […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: The Rangers In Danger, Matt Harvey Mess, Possible NBA Fix

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BRONX, NY – Running short on time today. Got zero in the tank and one 12 oz bottle’s worth of liquid comedy to get me through this. Even though I’m not (ever) getting paid for this, and I’d rather beg off on this week’s post, I feel compelled to show up and do what’s expected of […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: The Met Gala vs. The Mets’ Gala, Rangers, Yanks and NBA

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NEW YORK, NY – The other night here in New York the Metropolitan Museum of Art hosted its annual “Met Gala” for all manner of glitterati and starf**kers who like to dress up like imbeciles and have their pictures taken by a rabid bunch of camera-wielding monkeys. It’s quite the scene. I was shocked when […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Keeping Up With The NFL Free Agency, The NHL Playoffs and The Kardashians

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BRONX, NY – A miserable rainy Tuesday night (Eddie Rabbitt didn’t know what the hell he was talking about) and time to get cranking on the Wednesday edition of Meet The Matts. The good thing about writing about sports is there’s always something to talk about… though it can get a tad repetitious. You know what […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Melo Drama, Memphis, Marte, NY Rangers… Sports Lessons 101

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BRONX, NY – No time for dilly-dallying this Tuesday evening. Already received a text from my Matts-Managing Editor asking “When will you be done?” The answer to that one was “around five years ago.” Still, gotta crank out some content. This week is only a few days old, but already we have some tried and true […]

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