Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: No Offense But… the NFL is Offensive

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BRONX, NY – This Labor Day weekend a woman at the US Open Tennis tournament in Flushing was captured on camera dunking a chicken tender into a cup of Coca Cola and then eating it, and somehow this was one of the least offensive things to happen in sports in some time. I was easily more […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Colin Kaepernick and Tiger Woods – A Tale of Two Black Athletes

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BRONX, NY – I’m tapping this post out on a Monday evening, just before taking the dog for a walk. Everything is quiet, the a/c is doing it’s job, and life seems pretty okay. But, my personal world aside, I’d like to take a moment to talk about two black athletes who should be familiar to […]

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Miserable Ward Monday: Where’s DJ?

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BRONX, NY – Where’s our (semi) regular Monday contributor DJ Eberle today? It’s 5 friggin’ pm and no post. What, is he on vacation again? F**k vacation! You got a deadline to meet, Mr. Sports Journalist. I’ll say it again, these Millennials got no work ethic. Actually, that’s not fair, they have a work ethic, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Getting Personal About Mets, Jets, Eagles and Horse Racing

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PALM BEACH GARDENS, FL – Lately, writing for this site has felt a lot like screaming down a long empty hallway. I think I could accomplish the same thing by firing off personal messages to those that MIGHT still be listening, That’s actually not a bad idea. Here goes. TO: Junoir Blaber Guy, now is the […]

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Terrific Ward Tuesday: Dominic Smith Goes D’oh! and Get a Load of Joe

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PALM BEACH, FL – Got an urgent missive from one Ben Whitney this morning. Seems he and his brood are vacationing in California, hanging out with Black Hole degenerates at Raiders Camp, and he loaned his laptop to Gruden who needed it to add some archaic plays from the leather helmet era to his playbook this […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Carmelo Signs, A’s Fans are Missing, Exhibition Football Sucks

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BRONX, NY – After what’s already been a fairly brutal summer (heatwaves, forest fires, and the inextinguishable dumpster fire at the White House), we move into the truly dreadful days of mid- to late-August. As a kid you remember this as the time when the “Back to School” ads and sales started popping up, and your […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: An Open Letter to Jerry Jones

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August 8, 2018 Dear Jerry Jones: It has come to our attention that you are still the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, one of the most reviled franchises in the history of professional sports. Good for you… for still being alive! We can remember all those years ago when you took control of the only […]

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Angry Ward: How to Fix the New York Mets, Vol. 30, Chapter 17

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NEW YORK, NY – How about that MLB Trade Deadline? Had about as much action as “My Dinner with Andre.” (Older reference lost on younger viewers.) I know a handful of marginally big names went new places, but the rest of it resembled a Sandy Alderson shopping spree. It also looks like the Yankees added the final […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Oakland A’s, Clancy Strays, and the Daily News in Distress

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HIGHLANDS, NC – I’m on vacation in the middle of nowhere. Almost no cell service, limited WiFi access, basically a Millennial’s nightmare. I’m not even all that sure what’s going on in sports. Has anyone on the Mets contracted Bubonic Plague? What’s Trump’s latest lame effort to deflect attention from the fact that Russia owns his […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: You Can Keep Today’s All-Stars, I’ll Take the Bird, the Cobra and Fernando

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NEW YORK, NY – They played the Major League Baseball’s All Star Game last night, and I didn’t watch a single inning. [Spoiler Alert: The AL won]. This doesn’t qualify as “big news” in my sand-grain-sized universe, in that I haven’t paid all that much attention to the All Star Game for years. Not exactly sure […]

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