Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: One Angry Man on Knicks, Jets, Yanks and Other Sports Crimes

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BRONX COUNTY COURTHOUSE, NY – Serving Jury Duty in the Bronx for the first time in my life. What a thrill ride! There’s nothing like being around Yankee Stadium in the dead of winter. It’s a real show spot. Nothing but gypsy cabs, depressing dining opportunities, and black slush as far as the eye can see. […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Giants Afloat, Jim Dolan Bloat, The Post-Holiday Sports Blahs

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NEW YORK, NY – It’s a cold, wet January evening as I write this. The kinda night when you just want to tune out and tuck into bed, but Management won’t let me. Even though the holidays are over, sports keeps slogging along. Sorry I missed the Rose Bowl–heard it was a barn-burner–but not so much […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Your 2017 Sports Calendar! Predictions & Photo Caption Contest

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BRONX, NY – Let’s be honest for a moment, no one in their right mind wants to be doing any kind of work the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Why do we continue this charade, year after year after year? The entire week should be a global holiday, where everyone is allowed to be depressed, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Blue Christmas; Let’s Talk Some F**king Sports

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BRONX, NY – For those of you who missed the not-so-annual Meet The Matts holiday party this year, you probably added a few extra days to your life. Between the boozing and the 100% deep-fried fare, my body still hasn’t recovered. Though guys like Grinding Ax Walter, Ben “Big Papa” Whitney, and DJ Eberle were missed, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: The Worst of 2016 in Sports

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BRONX, NY – This is the time of year when hacks, making a whole lot more than me, cash in on writing the easiest end-of-year columns. Most of these efforts consist of nothing more than “Best of…”or “Top 10” lists. They take almost zero thought and can be cranked out in a matter of minutes. […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: That Time I Didn’t Write a Column About Rex Ryan, Chris Sale, Trump, Klay Thompson

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BRONX, NY – You remember that time I didn’t write a column? Wasn’t that awesome? Like everyone thought I was gonna crank out some of my usual crap, and then I just didn’t? The best part about it was that it started so organically and then just grew into the big zero it was. It […]

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Hungry Ward Wednesday: Let Us Give Thanks

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BRONX, NY – Today is Thanksgiving Eve, one of my favorite days/nights of the year. For many years this was a night I would meet up with old college friends at Madison Square Garden for a college basketball doubleheader. Those were great times, until that one year that we all got so sloshed we pretty […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Ryan, Dykstra, Kemp and Other Trump Cabinet Choices

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BRONX, NY – Just recently, President-Elect Donald Trump’s top advisors (aka: Gingrich, Giuliani and the rest of the GOP walking dead) told Mr. Trump that it would be prudent to start thinking about his cabinet. Being the shrewd politico that he is, Donny hopped in his car and headed on over to IKEA. After purchasing […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Mets Flying, Knicks not Dying, and NFL Has Me Crying

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BRONX, NY – Your long national nightmare is over. After a one-week hiatus, Angry Ward Wednesday is back! This week I’m gonna try (*TRY!*) to stay positive among all of the negative… never an easy task for me. On top of this, I am eating a salad while penning this post, which is a way scarier […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Last-Second Halloween Sports Costumes for Jerks

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 BRONX, NY – I swear I am taking a vacation from this place starting next week. But, for now, I’ll crank out one more on the fly. Halloween is around the corner, kiddies. For those of you sports still struggling with what costume to wear, here are some easy last-minute Halloween Sports Costumes for Jerks: Josh […]

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