Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Golf D!cks, Derby Drama, and Why the Yanks Could Win it All.

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BRONX, NY – For self-preservation, and for the common good, I’m not going to get into the many atrocities that are happening daily in this country, and I’m not talking about the Mets offense. We are on a 24-hour horror cycle and there’s no end in sight. So, f**k it, I guess we may as well […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Old Guys Rule and Houston Has a Problem

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BRONX, NY – I’m glad that, yesterday, Ben Whitney finally ended the streak of no one on this site writing about the NFL Draft. He saved me the trouble of taking on that thankless task and absolutely roasted Giants GM Dave Gettleman in the process. Well done! Speaking of Davey G., he’s 68 years old. […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: More Day Baseball, More Black Players, No More Kate Smith

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BRONX, NY – It’s spring break week for New York City public school kids, which means I’m playing childcare tag with a few other parents as we all try to figure out ways to still get to work. As far as math problems go, it’s not as difficult as it might sound. The bigger issue is […]

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Angry Ward: Trout Fishing Tips for Anxious Anglers…. and Red Sox vs Yanks

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BRONX, NY – The Yankees and Red Sox renewed pleasantries once again this week, so I’ve decided to devote today’s column exclusively to trout fishing. Whether in streams, lakes or ponds, trout fishing can sometimes prove challenging to even the most experienced anglers. I’m a reminded of this one time when me and my buddy Gunrack […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Stinky Sox, Deadweight Davis, and the Rays Can Play

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BRONX, NY – I feel like I kinda lucked out this week, what with everyone wanting to talk about the upcoming hockey playoffs. Don’t get me wrong, the hockey playoffs are almost always as advertised: Great! But that leaves me with an embarrassment of riches in terms of topics. The NCAA Basketball Championship overtime thriller? […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Yanks Need to Move Back the Fences, and Other Sports No-Brainers

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BRONX, NY – As much as I’ve been complaining about sports lately – even more than I usually do – the beginning of baseball season always brings some fun feats, plays and results. So, even though March Madness saw mostly favorites advance until this past weekend, we still got to see last year’s NL MVP Christian […]

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Angry Ward: March Mundaneness, More Mets Misery and Other Night Terrors

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BRONX, NY – “It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing.” So goes the Hemingway line from one of my favorite books, The Sun Also Rises. It’s a good line because it’s true. It’s much easier to deal with things in the in the light of […]

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Angry Ward Thursday: Break Up the Mariners and Don’t Watch March Madness

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NEW YORK, NY – This is getting ridiculous. Like everyone else, I’m tired of the pinch-hitting. You’ve read my repetitive garbage, not only should I not be playing both ends of a doubleheader, I should probably be posting only once a month at this point. But I would rather pinch-hit than see a zero in the […]

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Angry Ward: Baseball’s Newest Mind-Numbing Metrics

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BRONX, NY – Guess what, everybody? Baseball season started this morning! Yep, as stupid as this always sounds, America’s Pastime started today, a full week ahead of everyone else, with the Oakland A’s taking on the Seattle Mariners in Japan. “Buy me some sushi and green tea ice cream, I don’t care if I’m watching […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Dolan’s Dumb, Westbrook’s Wild and Odell is Out!

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BRONX, NY – Lots going on in the world of sports these days. I don’t really give a sh!t about much of it, but that’s never stopped me before. Today, I’m gonna talk a little bit about Fan Etiquette, NFL Free Agency, and Spring Training Babe Ruths, among other things. Let’s do this. Dopey Dolan & […]

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