Author Archive for Angry Ward

Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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Angry Ward: JFK Stall Tactics and the New York Mets

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NEW YORK, NY – This past Saturday I had no choice but to tend to some urgent intestinal matters in a restroom at JFK Airport. It’s bad enough to have to fly out of JFK, but to have to use its lavatories is a truly depressing endeavor. On the bright side, I was in the […]

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Relaxed Ward Wednesday: Unwritten Rules, Unbreakable Records, Pitching Around the Yanks

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PALM BEACH, FL – Enjoying Spring Break with the family down in sunny Florida while friends in NYC are hitting me with a barrage of texts featuring photos of snow. Looks pretty… awful. While I can’t quite match that in the “misery loves company” department, I did have to go to a Walmart the other day, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: At Least You’ve Got Your Health… Unless You’re Bridgewater, Bumgarner, Bird, Mets, Warriors, etc.

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BRONX, NY – Lots of elements go into a winning season in sports. You’ve got outstanding singular players, team chemistry, great defense, potent offense, terrific coaching, winning streaks, timing, luck, and, yes, bad sh!t happening to other teams. It’s that last one that can often be the ultimate difference-maker. You can have the best team in […]

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Angry Ward: March Badness – The Mets are Doomed, So’s Your NCAA Bracket, and NFL Draft Talk is for Suckers

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BRONX, NY – It’s snowing like mad… at least that’s what I’m assuming, based on Tuesday night’s projections. Isn’t that f**king great? While I’ve long argued that February is the worst month of all, don’t sell March short. Both months are like god-awful sequels to all of the other great months. Think of them as The […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: The Rex Hex, March Meh-ness and No Kissin’ Kirk Cousins…Yet

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BRONX, NY – Tons going on this week, all over the damn place. Seriously, very tough to keep up with it all. I’m up to the task… sort of. Going to hit on as much as possible, but I’m Hangry Ward right now and will need to cut this short to eat a whole mess of […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Yankee Dopes, Rusty on the Ropes, Other Anti Social Behavior

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BRONX, NY – Just recently I decided to take a break from so-called “social media” and revert to my Unabomber-like anti-tech roots and, you know what, it’s been pretty goddamn glorious. There’s just way too many people putting in their 2 cents on everything pretty much all the time these days. Whether or not I agree […]

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Angry Ward: All the Kids Are Right – Parkland Students and Hope for a Miracle

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BRONX, NY – “All the kids they hold a grudge. You fail them and they won’t forget it.” So went the lyrics to the 1998 song, “All the Kids Are Right” by the band Local H. Twenty years later, these words started ringing through my head as I watched a whole bunch of tough-as-nails kids from […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Rangers, Rodgers, Danica and Other Winter Sports Chick Flicks

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BRONX, NY – For the shortest month on the calendar, February sure as hell takes forever. How long can I possibly dwell on this fact? I’d say at least another week. There’s not a whole lot of sports drama percolating these days, and what little there is seems fairly contrived. You’re almost better off cozying up […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Goose and Cash, DJ and LeBron, Other Valentine’s Day Love Stories

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BRONX, NY – As I’ve mentioned too many times to count, February is a slow month, for sports and for everything else… except the flu. The flu is absolutely dominating right now. Hitting for average, dunking on children and the elderly, scoring hat tricks in the ménage à trois circuit, and pretty much sacking everyone in its […]

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Angry Ward: Football, Film Awards, Todd Frazier Signs with Mets

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BRONX, NY – Another football season in the books. This one ended almost perfectly for these f**ked times in which we live: a relentless offensive assault waged between opponents nobody wanted to see, culminating in the city of Philadelphia being trashed by hordes of green-clad baboons, while one grateful celebrant dropped to his knees and gave […]

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