Author Archive for Ben Whitney
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.
MOSQUITOVILLE, VT: The Washington Post said the NFL is basically blackballing Colin Kaepernick. Spike Lee agreed, saying on Instagram that it was “MAD fishy” and “stunk to the high heavens.” Maybe Spike’s MAD lingo should be blackballed? Anyway, let’s take a look. Blackballed? You can find some support without looking outside of New York City. […]
Big Ben’s Hot Takes: Tom Brady’s Jersey Found, Dirk Nowitzki, Northwestern Hosed, Through Legs Lacrosse Shot
DJ Eberle called in sick yesterday, so Hot Takes falls to me. I gotta have more Hot Takes! Let’s get to it. Tom Brady’s Jersey Great news, the FBI tracked down Tom Brady’s Super Bowl jersey! Trump spared no expense in recovering the game worn memento. Said Trump most likely, “It was the least I could do […]
CHUNKY, MISSISSIPPI – I’ve got my head turned toward the NFL again, and the QB Chinese fire drill is riveting. The landscape for quarterbacks is pretty barren – only old and fragile veterans remain available, while the draft class is filled with not-ready-for-prime-time projects. Anybody with an arm and a few snaps under his belt is getting […]
KICKAPOO, KS – I was thinking of exploring the rumor that Vladimir Putin hacked into St. Louis Blues’ GM Doug Armstrong’s email to trade Kevin Shattenkirk to the Capitals . Vlad is dying to see Russian winger Alex Ovechkin win a Cup. #Sad. But I need a challenge, so I decided to single-highhandedly fix the Cleveland Browns. […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Goalie With Ice Allergy, Unsatisfied Kate Upton, Patriots Doing Dumb Things, Awesome Oscar Snub
TIMBUKTU, MALI – Welcome to the last day of the worst month of the year. I’m still a few weeks from caring about baseball and about a week away from caring about the NCAA tournament. The Knicks might not be relevant again in my lifetime and I plan to live to 782, like Methuselah. Since […]
STAMFORD, CT: Normally I’d be on beach right now, drinking a way-too-early Margarita. But infants can’t do a thing for themselves, it turns out, so I’m stuck here in the dead of winter. Anyway… It’s Presidents Day as I write, or as it will now be called, I Don’t Know, Someone Gave Me That Information Day! While […]
Houston, TX: Clearly there is no justice in the world. What a depressing end to a riveting Super Bowl. Watching the Falcons do everything right until they did everything wrong was painful, and Hell’s favorite QB and Coach added another ring to their impressive resumés. The Falcons’ hammer missed the coffin’s last nail and the Pats clawed their […]
WHITE PLAINS, NY – I expected Trump to make America great again, but not this fast. I intentionally lost a game of Scrabble today, just because I’m so tired of winning already. Speaking of too much winning, if you’re like me, you’d rather eat a roadkill sandwich with vegenaise than watch the Pats win another […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Alternative Super Bowl Facts, Reluctant Patriots Praise, Belichick vs Brady, Most Awkward Trophy Presentation?
WASHINGTON , DC: Our man Ebs felt the pressing need to break down the Buffalo Sabres yesterday, so it falls to me to take the first look at the Super Bowl. Among other things, we’ll discuss Bill Belichick, an honorable man who would rather lose than compromise the integrity of the game. That may seem false at […]