Author Archive for The Matts

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Alex Rodriquez for David Wright Trade

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SACREMENTO, CA – It took us until yesterday to learn (we previously didn’t care) why California is referred to as The Golden State. It’s because it’s bone dry and the grass turns yellow as a result – unless you’re violating a seemingly unenforced city ordinance/moral obligation that is promoted with “If it’s yellow, let it […]

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Switch Pitcher? Charley Finley, Bill Veeck and Caitlyn Jenner are Smiling

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OAKLAND, CA – While we cover for the 2nd day in a row for an over-served African American pundit gone AWOL – this time it’s Ghanian-American drunkard, Junoir Blaber – we couldn’t help but manage a smile at the news out of O.co Coliseum (A’s get a “F” for naming rights) about Pat Venditte, the […]

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VIDEO: Memorial Day Weekend and Miracle Mets. Rod Gaspar Relives 1969

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NEW YORK, NY – It all started at the Polo Grounds in 1962 and after just 7 years, the Miracle Mets gave New York City baseball fans the until thrill – a World Series championship. “Whooeee!” was their collective cry and with good reason; a stellar young pitching staff and a top Manager in Gil […]

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Does Negative Nelly Pick Mets or Yanks?

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – The New York Mets have twice as many wins as they do losses. The New York Yankees have twice as many losses as they do wins. But really, which team is better? Who should their respective fans get behind?  Who does Negative Nelly Pick; Mets or Yanks? The Yankees are relying heavily […]

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Chris Mullin, Vinnie Jones, Schaub to Jets, Benching Lundquist, Signing Duda

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NEW YORK, NY – As we continue to reshuffle the MTM rotation as our Staff recoils from an epidemic of injuries (strained hard drives, frozen screens, broken keyboards) that would make Tommy John & the Mets weep, the world of sports keeps offering alley-oops for slam-dunk stories that need covering. These include Chris Mullin, Matt […]

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No Meat Fridays and Skinniest Sports Stars

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VATICAN CITY – No, we’re not standing outside waiting for the we’ve-got-a-new-Pope-smoke to billow from the chimney; Pope Francis is just fine. Instead, we’re waiting for Easter to finally get here so we can get back to the business of lying, cursing (A pox on your house!), boozing and… eating Meat on Fridays! See the […]

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