Author Archive for The Matts
It. Is. On. Rangers vs Bruins: An Original Six Bloodbath
BOSTON, MA – It was a huge NHL playoff night and after the Zamboni dust settled, the New York Rangers and Boston Bruins respectively sent the stunned Washington Capitals and Toronto Maple Leafs home. What it left us, asides from a wretched wrecking ball named Alex Ovechkin and some downright impolite Toronto fans, was the [...]
Game On The Line… Your All-Time Best Hitter
We’re once again stepping up to the plate for a striking staff writer… but we refuse to talk hockey today because every time we do, the Rangers lose. But before we “don’t talk hockey,” we’d just like to reiterate that Brad Richards is as valuable as Denise Richards on the ice right now – while [...]
Ovechkin Over Checks, Pigs Flying As Brad Richards Scores, Amar’e Stoudamire
While we’re waiting for Cam James to overcome his technical difficulties to post his column, here’s a brief gap-filler. NEW YORK, NY – In a bizarre twist, Washington Capitals Russian super star, Alex Ovechkin – a human wrecking ball that can score in his sleep – took out his own teammate with a check. Martin [...]
VIDEO: Hot Girls In A Contact Sport; Huge Wins for Knicks, Islanders, Mets
WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND – Whilst some of you may think that this piece was not the featured column for today, that for the second day in a row, our scheduled columnist went AWOL, we say this: Lighten up. With that, the best way to shock you past your longing for the likes of Different Matt [...]
Basic Fan Questions for the Smart Sports Fan
NEW YORK, NY – With Different Matt so grief-stricken over the Rangers losing to our nation’s Capitals last night, that he forgot about his column, we’re counting on you to help us out, today. How? By answering these basic Fan Questions: If you were Mark Sanchez, would you play Pinch N Tickle with Sophia Vergara [...]
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Grantland
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VIDEO: Yankees Start Fight Between Reds Fans & The Matts
FLUSHING, NY – The deceivingly dormant détente that has existed since Ray Knight of the New York Mets pummeled Eric Davis of the Cincinnati Reds exists no more. And you can thank none other than the New York Yankees for the traumatically troublesome Blood Bath Between Reds Fans & The Matts this week at CitiField. [...]
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