Author Archive for The Matts
Opening Day: Baseball’s REAL Father
BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA – It’s only fitting that on Angry Ward’s day off, they’re throwing in anger for the first time since somebody that wasn’t a Met got somebody out to win the World Series. Yep, it’s that day of days, again… Opening Day in Major League Baseball! Granted, it should be in Cincinnati and not [...]
2012 Sports Slogans & Promises Leaked To Us!
NEW YORK, NY – First off, Happy New Year! We hope this finds you hale, hearty and not too hungover! Cheesy Bruin is without the Intra Webs again, so we’re filling in – although there’s no replacing The Cheese Man – and as luck would have it, we have exclusive info for you. See, the [...]
Movember: Favorite Sports Mustaches
NEW YORK, NY – The pre-Halloween snowstorm knocked us northeasterners to the canvas for two reasons: 1) Like Kris Humphries by Kim Kardashian’s shocking divorce filing, we were caught totally by surprise. 2) The weight of snow and leaves on the trees toppled them onto power lines – like the Leafs toppled the Rangers power [...]
Tony LaRussa Is A Cheater, Not A Genius
BARCELONA, SPAIN – We’ve said it for years: Tony LaRussa is a cheater – not a genius! In fact, we documented all of it on video. Crazy thing is, our research took us all the way to Barcelona! to prove that “El Genius” was really just “El Dirty.” That’s right. This whole thing is The [...]
Hey, Joe… Where You Goin’ With That Ban In Your Hand?
“I heard you shot your players down… shot ‘em down to the ground.” ATLANTIC CITY, NJ - If the Jimi Hendrix thing doesn’t get through to Joe Torre – and we know it won’t - we’ll try sitting him down to watch Boardwalk Empire. Maybe then Prohibition Joe will see that nothing good can come from [...]
Estranged Matts Reconcile on Inside The Actor’s Studio? Must-see TV…
GREENWHICH VILLAGE, NY – They’ve finally broken through! They’ve made the big-time! With this kind of exposure and their dramatic appearance and subsequent reconciliation, the no-longer-Estranged Matts are surely on their way to the top of sports prevaricating! See them flourish on this critically acclaimed, pompous and snide under-hyped show!
VIDEO: Canseco Beats Us Up, Then Talks Newark Bears, A’s, Cards
NEWARK, NJ – We had the pleasure of meeting up with Mr. Canseco at Bears & Eagles Riverfront Stadium, down in Cory Booker’s Newark. It was indeed a great day, even if our star wasn’t himself. Minor League baseball is the perfect escape from the unrequited enthusiasm and bludgeoning costs that most MLB clubs subject [...]
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