Ben Whitney
Make it to The NFL Draft; Dave Gettleman Tries to Save His Job
QUARANTINE, CT – We’re about three and a half weeks from the first relevant sporting event in eons; The NFL Draft. For our New York Giants, Dave Gettleman needs to crush it this time around if he wants to keep his job. Nine wins in two seasons is not going to get it done. The […]
Big Ben: Finding Silver Linings in the Coronavirus Lockdown – with John Lennon, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Alex Ovechkin
WUHAN CLAN – Hey there. How are you guys handling the sheltering? Things are getting weird. But with this sudden addition of free time, we finally have time to get some sh!t done. You know, when we’re not “working from home.” It’s time to finish that screenplay, paint the deck, binge-watch The Wire and reconnect with […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Things We Won’t Miss When The Coronavirus is Over
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: I was on a submarine for the two months with no wifi. What’d I miss? Like everyone else, I’m sitting getting reacquainted with my family, waiting for the vaccine to come along and wipe out this virus. You know, just like the flu vaccine wiped out the flu. The Texans […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Wild Spins of the NFL QB Carousel are Coming- Brady, Rivers, Tua, Burrow
Location Classified: As the deadly Cononavirus ravages our species, or as the whole world overreacts to a wimpy pseudo flu, depending on who you ask, we here at MTM must soldier on. With the draft about 45 days away, my eyes are turning to football. The NFL’s QB Carousel is about to be swinging like […]
Big Ben Tuesday: The Virus and Noah’s Flood, the Rangers Likely Can’t Overcome Igor and Kreider Injuries
Wuhan, China: I hope you all enjoy my last submission before I go to the bunker. Next week many of us will be dead. Except the kids. No kids are dying and hardly any are catching this virus. I’m not a religious man, but if there is some cosmic string puller up there, he probably […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Three New York Hockey Players and Their Evil Dopplegangers
Camp Crystal Lake: There is plenty going on in the world of sports, but I’m not in the mood. Let’s do something different. Has anyone noticed a few local hockey players look like movie villains? No? Well, I’ve got three NY area players with evil cinematic dopplegangers for you. 1. Wayne Simmons/Candyman The NJ Devils […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Doling Out Punishment for the Houston Astros’ Scumbags
HOUSTON, TX – There was plenty to hate about the Houston Astros’ pathetic parade of apologies last Thursday. And no players will be disciplined and they came up empty (supposedly) on 2019 and 2018. This reeks of the little slap on the wrist Belichick and the Pats got when they were caught recording the Rams […]
Big Ben Tuesday: New York Rangers Delicate Transfer of Power from The King to The Czar
BROADWAY, NYC – The end is near for Good King Henrik, as the NY Rangers are pulling the plug on the unsustainable three-goalie rotation. As Axl Rose once said about threesomes, “usually someone gets pissed off.” Well, here were are. The team is switching gears and turning full time to The Czar, Igor Shesterkin. With one […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Did Shahanan Blow Another Super Bowl with Aggressive Play Calling Again?
Miami, FL: Howard Marks, the famous investor, spoke in his recent letter about not judging the quality of a decision by the outcome. Crazy right? It’s all about results. Did you win or lose? Did you take her home or wind up with Harry Palmer? But Marks is not wrong. If you have trip aces […]
Big Ben Tuesday: Quarantine Concepts That Would Work in Sports – Joe Exotic, James Dolan, Jerry Jeudy
Covid City, USA: April 7th already? This month is flying by. I fired my one bullet last week with the NFL draft and I’m running on fumes. The other night I watched the US Women’s soccer team play Brazil a few years ago. The US came back from a 3-1 lead with 3 goals in […]
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