Tag: Aaron Hernandez

Zeke Elliott Suspension, Aaron Hernandez’s Brain and Stupid Thursday Night Uniforms!

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EL BARRIO, EL FALLS  – So it is 10:30pm and I get a call from a partiall-drunk Short Matt. He needed a Friday pinch hit and apparently he was running out of suckers, so he called me. We had a chat about life in Western New York, and then he made the ask. I said, […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: What Board Game is Your Favorite Sports Team?

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BRONX, NY – Hey there, sports dopes, shiftless employees, and assorted other loners. It’s another wonderful Wednesday here at MeetTheMatts.com. NFL playoffs, Trump inauguration, the Knicks still sucking… so much to talk about. But, to hell with that noise, I want to write about old-timey board games – y’know, the one’s you used to play with […]

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5 NFL Related Business Ideas: Consoling, Gun Storage, Social Media Management, Penalty Prevention, Anger Redirection

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ALBERTA, CANADA – It’s Tuesday, time for your Weekly Dose of Whitney! Last week I discussed some of the reasons for the NFL’s declining ratings, this week I’m thinking about making money off them. That’s right, we’re going to make money off the NFL! This one is for you entrepreneurs out there: – 5 Opportunities for NFL-Related […]

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Presidential Candidates As Sports Teams: Who They Would Be

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ZIT POP, KY – From this blemish of the smallest towns, to the schmaltzy cheese (not mine) of West Palm Beach, Presidential Candidates (or not so “Presidential” Candidates) are taking to soap boxes and podiums to expound upon their fitfulness/street creds , so that you will make him, her or it (Trump and Alf have […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Sporty Holidays to You, OJ, Murphy, 1986 Mets, Rams

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BRONX, NY – Oh man, Hanukkah is already in the books and we’re only 10 days away from Christmas. Where does the time go? As I like to tell people, I used to view National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation as a comedy, but as the years have passed I now see it as a searing family […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Matts, Mets, Pats, NFL Bets

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BRONX, NY – It’s official! I have a 2-day writing streak! Take that, Harper Lee! You’re next, Melville! There’s plenty to get to today, so let’s get there already. Matt-rimony? In case you’ve missed the guest list cut or the myriad references on this site, our own Short Matt will be getting hitched this coming […]

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Splash! Best Damn NBA Backcourt Ever and Johnny Rehab!

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SHAKER HEIGHTS, OH  – “Thank you for asking about my stomach. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks fo’ askin’… ” A glimpse of the utter stupidity and permissible behavior exhibited by Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch. In Roger Goodell’s NFL, anything short of a gangland hit is OK. Even then, well-you get the idea. And by the […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Dante’s Sports Inferno – Your Guide to the 9 Circles of Hell

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BRONX, NY – It’s the neverending week before the Super Bowl, we had a faux blizzard, we’re staring down the worst month of the year (February), and it’s Wednesday… we are officially in hell. What better time to talk about the final destination for the sports condemned than now. Here’s a quick-and-dirty guided tour of that […]

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Cookie’s Corner: Anna Benson, A-Rod, Simon Cowell, Aaron Hernandez

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NEW YORK, NY – I got an email from management this morning when I woke at 4:30A (Short Matt sent it last night but I was up early… Yes, to ride my bike) asking if my column would be up early.  BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!! Yes.. so I told him “No!” But of course, I’m […]

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Pinstripe Prayers And Are Yankee Fans Like Heat Fans?

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NEW YORK, NY – Remember the good old days, when Ohio wasn’t known for kidnaps and murders, and Rolling Stone Magazine didn’t put a terrorist on their cover, and the Yankees were a great team? Their ranking is now comparable to Aaron Hernandez’s Wonderlic Test score. Don’t get me wrong, I still live and bleed […]

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