Tag: Charlie Sheen

Emergency Makeover Monday: Groundhog Day for Miserable Mets Madness. Yogi, Frazeir, Wilmer, Wright

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FLUSHING, NY – If Yogi Berra were alive and had seen the Bill Murray classic with Punxsutawney Phil, he’d likely have a new iteration of his classic deja vu line re the Mets, “It’s Groundhog Day all over again.” Matt Harvey, Todd Frazier, Michael Conforto, Mickey Callaway… The faces change but team from Flushing is […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Last-Second Halloween Sports Costumes for Jerks

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 BRONX, NY – I swear I am taking a vacation from this place starting next week. But, for now, I’ll crank out one more on the fly. Halloween is around the corner, kiddies. For those of you sports still struggling with what costume to wear, here are some easy last-minute Halloween Sports Costumes for Jerks: Josh […]

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Hey Sports Fans: Who Really Cares About Steroids?

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SPANISH HARLEM – With Lenny Dykstra in the media lately because of a new book that I already forgot the name of, I started thinking about steroids again. Okay- so what, I became interested only after hearing about possible drug binges with Charlie Sheen and Robert DeNiro, but that’s beside the point. After listening to Dykstra’s […]

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Angry Ward: Cashman, Zebras, Charlie Sheen

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BRONX, NY – Had an unsettling night of terror last night involving Tom Coughlin’s fiery red skull chasing me down the streets of Manhattan. For the longest time it didn’t say a word, and then it started shrieking, “Two minutes left! Don’t f*** it up!” over and over and over again, until I woke up. […]

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Hurricane Sandy, Mark Sanchez,Dennis Byrd… and Jets Fans

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THE MEADOWLANDS –  An old friend of mind from college that I’ve known since 1985, has two boys. The oldest is a reasonable human being; like his dad, he thinks watching sports is boring and stupid.  However, the 8-year-old has the disease that afflicts everyone reading this site:  He thinks watching grown ups play children’s […]

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Does Anybody Want Some Chad Johnson?

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Los Angeles–ahh, after ten days back there on muggy Cape Cod, it’s good to be back to good old ninety-five degree dry heat. It was all clam rolls, mini-golf, ice cream, and holding doors for people in polo shirts tucked into belted shorts with socks, but now it’s back to burritos and thai food and […]

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Okay, Call It a Comeback

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Bronx–Perhaps you heard something about Andy Pettite’s official metamorphosis from from guy-who-retired-on-top to just-another-guy-hanging-on-too-long.  Not that I blame him, and of course as a Yankee fan I hope it works out.  Though the odds are not with him there are a few successful precedents. Mario Limieux:  Super Mario beat cancer like a koopa troopa, beat back surgery […]

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COOKIE'S CORNER: GONNA HAVE TO FACE IT, YOU'RE ADDICTED TO…

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – This week on MTM we’ve taken a detour during this post-Olympic, pre-March Madness, early-spring-training sports lull. Angry Ward took a good look at some Gym Dandies, causing some of us to run to the gym and some of us to run from the gym. This was followed by a soft, doughy post […]

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COOKIE's CORNER: SAVING FACE

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DR. MENGELE’S LAB, PARTS UNKNOWN – This week’s press has been all aflutter with uber-media whore and absolute ZERO, Heidi Montag (her name doesn’t deserve boldface). She was on one of those Hills, Four Tree Town, Dawson’s Crock of Crap WB shows that I don’t pay any attention to. Anyway, seems this 23-year-old thought she […]

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TWENTY-TEENS, THE DECADE IN PREVIEW

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by West Coast Craig Put down that bong, Nostradamus! EL JEBEL, CO – Over the next week you’ll probably hear a lot of 2000s reviews and Top Ten Lists, maybe a few arguments about whether the decade concludes at the end of 2009 or 2010, or did it start in 2000 or 2001? I’m never […]

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