Tag: David Wright

Replacement Matt Friday: Sh*tty Start To NFL Season, Mets Fans Stages of Met Grief

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EYE OF HURRICANE, ATLANTIC OCEAN – Hey Kids! Ya miss me? I’m back with another edition of stuff for my massive fanbase and readership. It’s getting so huge I think I’m on the verge of being an influencer and will have companies hurling tons of free sh– my way. Time for the endorsement train to […]

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Blockbuster Blackout MLB Trades You May Not Know Of

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NEW YORK, NY – For those of you just stirring from a coma or hiding in a fallout shelter, there was a Big Apple blackout last night. And boy did things get a little crazy. Many were doing their best Snake Plissken impersonation, as traffic signals made any Escape From New York simultaneously necessary, yet […]

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Major League Baseball Second Half Starts With Trades Looming

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“This could be the end of the Mets core pitching staff …” –Different Matt NEW YORK, NY – With the All-Star Game in the rear-view mirror, most of baseball will begin their trudge towards the finish line today, as the second half of the season gets underway. The Yankees and Mets went into the break […]

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Major League Pitching Problems, London MLB Flop

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BLOOMINGBURG, NY – The NFL season can’t get here fast enough for me since all I’m left with to watch on television is baseball. This modern version of the American pastime is really somewhat irritating and is nothing like the game I grew up on. The London series (where baseball doesn’t belong) between the Yankees […]

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Big Ben: Die Hard Proves NHL Superior to MLB

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STAMFORD, CT – As superfan Laila kissed the Cup during the Blues’ championship celebration, a tear rolled down my face. This was the first tear I’ve shed since I was six, when my dog Dozer was hit by a car. It was a heartwarming moment. (Laila, not Dozer.) As we move past eventful NBA and […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: No LeBron, No Tiger, No Problem – Sports Addition By Subtraction

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BRONX, NY – Monday night the Golden State Warriors finished off a sweep of the Portland Trailblazers without the help of Kevin Durant, who is arguably one of the three best players in the game, if not THE best. Anyway, leading up to the sweep, and in its aftermath, sports dopes like Chis Broussard and Stephen […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: The Ranch Accident and Bleak Outlook for the Mets

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Flushing, Toilet: I’m back from a hockey weekend in Nashville where my mighty beer league team managed one tie in three games. After a brutal travel day with delays and broken airplane air conditioners, I rushed home to catch a disappointing Game of Thrones finale. I should have stayed there. But here I am on […]

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Baseball Crisis In America. MLB Armageddon Looming.

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BLOOMINGBURG, NY – It has been referred to as America’s Pastime but baseball is no longer the most popular sport in this country. When you see hoards and throngs of people lining the streets of Nashville, Tennessee over the nauseating three-day event called the NFL Draft and combine this with all the empty seats across […]

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Boys of Bummer: Teams and Sports Stars That Have Disappointed This Month

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NEW YORK, NY – We’re full into one of the busiest and most interesting months for sports fans. The bearded #NHL battle for Lord Stanley’s Cup and painstakingly prolonged #NBA playoffs are in full swing, as is Major League Baseball (some swinging and missing more than others). We’ve also got 6 teams (including NY’s franchise […]

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Yankees Strike out to Start the Season. Bronx Panic in NYC

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SPANISH HARLEM – If you’re a New York Yankees fan this is not the way you wanted or expected this team to start the season. You often hear the words “It’s a marathon, not a sprint,” yet I know for sure that some fans (me) are freaking out. The injuries have not helped at all […]

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