Tag: Donald Trump

Big Ben: Finding Silver Linings in the Coronavirus Lockdown – with John Lennon, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Alex Ovechkin

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WUHAN CLAN – Hey there. How are you guys handling the sheltering? Things are getting weird. But with this sudden addition of free time, we finally have time to get some sh!t done. You know, when we’re not “working from home.” It’s time to finish that screenplay, paint the deck, binge-watch The Wire and reconnect with […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: Things We Won’t Miss When The Coronavirus is Over

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20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: I was on a submarine for the two months with no wifi. What’d I miss? Like everyone else, I’m sitting getting reacquainted with my family, waiting for the vaccine to come along and wipe out this virus. You know, just like the flu vaccine wiped out the flu. The Texans […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: A-Rod Eyes Mets, Greg Olsen Should Retire, and a Fun Day for Felons

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BRONX, NY – If you came here today looking for more Astros bashing, ruh roh, I’ve decided to give it at least a one-day hiatus. Not that it doesn’t deserve the wall-to-wall coverage, particularly the “Rob Manfred’s a toothless b!tch” takes, but I’m personally a little worn out on it. Instead, let’s go dumpster-diving through whatever […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: New York Rangers Delicate Transfer of Power from The King to The Czar

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BROADWAY, NYC – The end is near for Good King Henrik, as the NY Rangers are pulling the plug on the unsustainable three-goalie rotation. As Axl Rose once said about threesomes, “usually someone gets pissed off.” Well, here were are. The team is switching gears and turning full time to The Czar, Igor Shesterkin. With one […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday 2020: No More Cowboys Cruelty, Knicks Snickering, and Other New Year’s Resolutions I Have No Intention of Keeping

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“Let’s turn over a new leaf. And Baby let’s make promises that we can keep, and call it our New Year’s Resolution.” BRONX, NY –  So goes the above first chorus lyric to the best New Year’s song ever, Otis Redding and Carla Thomas‘ “New Year’s Resolution.” I personally have never been a big fan […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: Presidential Booing and Boobs, Good Times in DC for Game 5 of the World Series

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Washington, DC: World Series Game 5 was quite a spectacle. The Astros won the game, but there was something for everyone in this one. Bail for the Chief Don the Con was booed loudly and greeted with chants of “lock him up.” RIP, respect for the office of the President. In a weak and transparent […]

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Grinding Ax: Daniel Jones – Jerry Jones DNA Assertions, Jets Beat ‘Boys? NFL Click Bait?

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EDISON, NJ – I’ve heard enough from all my whining New York Giants brethren! Yes, you are disconsolate over Eli Gump’s demise and uncertain of how durable Saquon Barkley will be moving forward. Perhaps you ask yourself.. what is going to happen next? Painfully reminiscent of the drought years of the sixties and seventies and not […]

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Big Ben on Lying Scumbags: Gregg Williams Uses “It Wasn’t Me” Defense & Bill Belichick Plays Dumb

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EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – There’s an old Eddie Murphy bit in Raw where he advises a man caught cheating to deny it no matter what. “I saw you coming out of her house!” Response: “It wasn’t me.” Well, the deny everything defense has caught on. A few days ago Don the Con blamed energy-saving light […]

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Big Ben Whitney: Cris Carter’s Indefensible, Asinine Comments on Daniel Jones

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Stamford, CT: We interrupt the regularly scheduled Mets’ stroke session to bring you some football news. Daniel Jones sure looked sharp in his first preseason action over the weekend, completing all five of his passes including a pretty TD. Though it was only one series, you’d think his performance would have been enough to get […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: Unshakable Meghan Rapinoe and Unlikable Alex Morgan

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LYON, FRANCE – The annoying four day span of no (real) baseball is upon us! I’m left to talk about #soccer. The fate of the US team was determined in large part by two key penalties: the failed attempt by England’s Stephanie Houghton in the semis and Megan Rapinoe’s game winner in the finals. Rapinoe’s […]

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