Tag: futbol

How To Fix Soccer So It Doesn’t Suck. Steal From Rugby.

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PARIS, FRANCE – For those of you tuning in to see another brilliant Angry Ward expose on douchebaggery of the umpteenth degree, you’ll be stunned to know that he’s been sent by MTM Management to cover the Women’s Soccer World Cup. Now that we have the attention of the the three remaining Americans still reading […]

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Globetrotting Cam James’ Drunken Sports Report: Arsenal, German Fathers, Red Army, Gunners

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MUNICH, GERMANY – Wilcommen, bienvenue, hola… what the f*ck is up?  Yours truly is reporting/hiccuping from Munich currently, but I have been gallivanting from London to Paris to Bavaria. It’s a once-in -a-lifetime walkabout… All spawned post-termination from my job, so I am drinking my way through Europe kind of like John Daly tours America. […]

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Baseball’s Freak of Nature, a Sepp Blatter and World’s Biggest Star

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Very rarely – probably never – do we write about just one athlete. We certainly don’t write about a player from a team that shunned the shores of the East River for the shores of San Francisco Bay. And we ain’t going to do it today. But we talk about Baseball’s […]

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Sports Babe Lori Levine 2013 Countdown: Al Michaels, Jason Collins, Duck Dynasty, Alon Smith

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NEW YORK, NY – So it’s that time of year when people love countdowns. Well, countdowns and also discounted merchandise, (Air Jordans), stuffing highly caloric meats with highly caloric carbs and suicide. And when I think back at 2013, I think of the fond memories such as Kevin Ware telling his Louisville teammates to “just […]

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ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: THIS MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCES; PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED

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LOS ANGELES, CA – It’s official, Major League Baseball has hit rock bottom. In an effort to “explore new revenue streams” Bud Selig and those oh-so-greedy owners have partnered up with the pornography purveyors of the San Fernando Valley to create adult entertainment with a baseball bent. Their first foray into this field of filth […]

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DIO HAD ROCKED FOR A LONG LONG TIME

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by West Coast Craig HEAVEN AND HELL – It’s true, Ronnie James (Padavona) Dio did rock for a long, long time, since the sixties in fact, before succumbing to stomach cancer yesterday. Now a nation of metal heads is left to wonder, where will we get our videos that involve swords and demons and strange […]

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WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S; STARRING KEITH HERNANDEZ

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by Rex O’Rourke LAKE GEORGE, NY – While on a little respite here in God’s Country, I happened upon this little nugget that, for some silly reason, basically limbo-ed under the “newsworthy radar” this week. But now that I’m sharing it with you, maybe it will get the attention and dialogue it so definitely deserves. […]

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10 MOST MISERABLE SPORTS CITIES

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by Junior Blaber HEIGHTS OF THE NORTH CROWN, SOVEREIGN REPUBLIC OF BROOKLYN: The people that really only know how to write about the money men that own sports franchises, had the nerve (Why wouldn’t they?) to do a sports article. This is what they came up with: AMERICA’S MOST MISERABLE SPORTS CITIES ACCORDING TO FORBES […]

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COOKIE's CORNER: FASHION POLICE FRIDAY

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MILAN, ITALY – Cookie here and The Matts have jetted me off to Milan to get a jump on next season’s fashions. Unfortunately, no one told them it was a bit late, but I decided to go anyway because the closest I get to Italian anything these days is Chef Boyardee. My fashion assignment got […]

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CANADA… OH, CANADA

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by Jillian “Ya Motha” Brooks MONTREAL, QUEBEC – All twenty-three years of my life I thought no sports fan could be more ignorantly proud than a Boston sports fan… And then I spent last weekend in Montreal. We all know hockey is Canada or Canada is hockey… Which? I’m not sure. But I’m certain Canadian […]

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