Tag: Jerry Jones

Angry Ward Wednesday: F**K the Giants, Yankees and a Whole Bunch of Other People

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BRONX, NY – It’s mercifully the final week of Angry Ward, but I’ve decided to not go gentle into that good night. F**k all that. I’m burning this thing to the ground. Where’s that gas can and my Zippo? Giant A$$holes. This past Sunday night the New York Giants and Denver Broncos got together and screwed […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Gridiron Soylent Green, NFL Week 1 Takeaways for Stupid NFL Fans

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NEW YORK, NY – Tomorrow marks the start of another NFL season. Finally, the year-round hype can end and, instead, we can all fall all over each other gobbling up endless recaps, injury reports, power rankings, and all manner of useless analysis. It’s f**king mind-numbing, but we are too far gone to turn away. With that […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Don’t Watch Sports!

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BRONX, NY – I’m back from vacation. On Monday I stared right down the barrel of that solar eclipse, sans viewing specs, and was rewarded with super powers beyond my wildest dreams. For starters, I am now completely impervious to late-night texts from Short Matt asking me to edit someone’s column and telling me how much […]

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Grinding Ax Walter Hynes: Bye Bye Zeke Elliot and Kim Jong-un! Dennis Rodman Rescue?

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MANASQUAN, NJ –  While The New York Yankees do their best imitation of their neighbors from Queens, I believe it’s time to look forward, don’t you?  NFL football has managed, once again, to “trump” even the Real Trump, by suspending the leagues best running back, Ezekiel Elliott of the Dallas Cowboys.  Let’s face it, which news story is more compelling?  Kim Jong-un and his […]

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NFL HoF, Alex Rodriguez, Yankees Not Sucking, Roger Goodell, Jerry Jones, Red Zone

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MARLBORO, NY – It’s the beginning of August, so that means one thing and one thing only… sports sucks! Little League World Series games can’t get here fast enough for myself and the portion of New York baseball fans who root for the pathetic bunch from Queens. As a matter of fact, the summer has […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Damn Yankees, Wicked Jerry Jones, and Happy Birthday to Mrs. Angry

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BRONX, NY – Happy Birthday to my lovely wife, who probably won’t read this because she’s got better, more fulfilling things to do on her special day. She moved to New York City to pursue acting and ended up marrying a guy who pursued a career in make-believe sports writing. To her great credit, she’s stayed […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: NFL QB Staring Contests; Brock Osweiler, Tony Romo and Jimmy Garoppolo

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CHUNKY, MISSISSIPPI – I’ve got my head turned toward the NFL again, and the QB Chinese fire drill is riveting. The landscape for quarterbacks is pretty barren – only old and fragile veterans remain available, while the draft class is filled with not-ready-for-prime-time projects. Anybody with an arm and a few snaps under his belt is getting […]

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Grinding Ax: NFL Free Agency Frenzy, March Madness Mayhem

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White House, NJ – NFL Free Agency is kicking off , therefore, we get to witness intelligent owners, GM’s and coaches acting amorously towards a group of players who are ready to break ties with the teams and fans who supported them. It’s truly Reality TV playing out before us. Some will hit the proverbial lotto, inking deals that […]

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Broke Back Tony Romo, Ezekiel’s Reefer Madness, NFC East

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Thoughts and prayers for Big Al Sternberg and his family. Life is too short. FREEHOLD, NJ – “I Can’t Quit You.” These are the words most likely being uttered from Jason Garrett’s quivering lips as he anguishes over the latest news about Tony Romo.   The NFC East is up for grabs this year, as the Giants, Cowboys, Iggles and […]

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Killing Coughlin: Classless New York Giants

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SWAMPS OF JERSEY – Now that Eli Manning’s quivering lip has subsided, let’s look back at the lack of class shown by a New York Giants organization which has been revered as First Class.  Tom Coughlin achieved great things for a team that was fairly mediocre during his tenure. A record of 102 wins against 90 losses was actually worse than Small Matt & Big […]

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