Tag: Rob Gronkowski

Angry Ward Wednesday: Gridiron Soylent Green, NFL Week 1 Takeaways for Stupid NFL Fans

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NEW YORK, NY – Tomorrow marks the start of another NFL season. Finally, the year-round hype can end and, instead, we can all fall all over each other gobbling up endless recaps, injury reports, power rankings, and all manner of useless analysis. It’s f**king mind-numbing, but we are too far gone to turn away. With that […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: Cruz Cut, Knicks Stun, Rangers Lacking, Who Stole Tom Brady’s Jersey?

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STAMFORD, CT: In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ll of course be focusing on the big news that Derek Jeter is going to be a father. Or not… I could write about the Knicks shocking victory over the Spurs, and how it might affect the possibility of a Melo trade or maybe the Rangers’ need of a steady blue-liner to […]

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Big Ben Tuesday: Alternative Super Bowl Facts, Reluctant Patriots Praise, Belichick vs Brady, Most Awkward Trophy Presentation?

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WASHINGTON , DC: Our man Ebs felt the pressing need to break down the Buffalo Sabres yesterday, so it falls to me to take the first look at the Super Bowl. Among other things, we’ll discuss Bill Belichick, an honorable man who would rather lose than compromise the integrity of the game. That may seem false at […]

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NFL Stuff: Giants Sputter, Big 4, Possible Interlopers, Unwatchable Jets, Tom Brady Record

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WESTCHESTER, NY – It was a tough weekend for our heroes, the NY Giants. The defense did its part, with Olivier Vernon and Eli Apple playing particularly well, but the offense sputtered again. This offense has more starts and stops than a porn set. Er, I assume. While this year’s top draft pick is trending up, […]

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5 NFL Related Business Ideas: Consoling, Gun Storage, Social Media Management, Penalty Prevention, Anger Redirection

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ALBERTA, CANADA – It’s Tuesday, time for your Weekly Dose of Whitney! Last week I discussed some of the reasons for the NFL’s declining ratings, this week I’m thinking about making money off them. That’s right, we’re going to make money off the NFL! This one is for you entrepreneurs out there: – 5 Opportunities for NFL-Related […]

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NFL: Ebs’ Way Too Early Conference Championships Bold Predictions

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Clifton Park, NY – What a weekend of football! After a lackluster Wild Card Weekend, the divisional round certainly did not disappoint. Each and every game this weekend was exciting until the end and full of storylines. With each of the top seeds victorious, the NFL’s top four teams are left standing, fighting for the right to represent […]

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Frank Sinatra the Sports Guy???

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PALM SPRINGS, CA – A couple of days ago marked the 100th birthday of Frank Sinatra and while the late Chairman of the Board had more fluff pieces written about him last week than he had screaming bobby-socksers back in his crooning days, we here in the MTM Bullpen feel it’s better late than never to […]

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Matts-trimony, Mets Blackout, and Yanks Rainout

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The Bronx, NY – I’m back for a second Friday in a row as Short Matt is off to Fire Island to get hitched. Good thing Kim Davis doesn’t work in New York. But congrats to Short Matt and his lovely bride. It was a weird sports night around these parts yesterday. We’ had our […]

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NFL Snow Jobs, Marshall Lynch Balls, Super Bowl Media Day

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PHOENIX, AZ – As we ponder what will surface next from the NFL’s serious forensic investigation, those of us in the Tri- State area have hunkered down during “The Blizzard of 2015.” If your attempting to travel ANYWHERE in New York City, you may be shot on sight by the militia! And just when I thought the only State of […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: A Hater’s Guide to the Super Bowl

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BRONX, NY – I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can’t stand the dead week between the NFL’s conference championship games and the Super Bowl. It’s fairly pointless. An unnecessary chunk of days and time spent cranking out inane stories on everything from Rob Gronkowski’s mom’s recipe for pierogi to a hard-hitting […]

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