50 Shades Of Yankees Pinstripes

Lori Levine in:
“Baywatch Library”

NEW YORK, NY – If corporations are people, the Yankees are my best friend. Remember the movie Can’t Buy Me Love? The ugly, nerdy guy gets the girl? Well, that’s the complete opposite of what’s happening with the Yankees. As I write this, they are 56-34 and have the best record in MLB. The 50 shades of Yankees Pinstripes is playing on televisions everywhere…

It’s potentially more exciting than watching a Kennedy drive… or Jason Kidd… or even Marshawn Lynch. First, there’s the pitchers. Mariano Rivera is fairly confident he’ll be back this season, telling Michael Kay (click), “That’s my goal.” Hearing that news made me happier than the news I received last week, which was that Dairy Queen was opening 4 locations in NYC. I understand that non-Yankees fans get so mad at the dynasty, but they need to understand that the Yankees winning is like the Knicks disappointing; synonymous.

And then there was Tuesday night; as predictable as playing F, Marry, Kill with the Kardashian sisters (everyone’s going to kill Khloe); Sabathia kills it versus the Jean Bautista-less, Toronto Blue Jays at Yankee Stadium, on his first game back.

As for the outfield, the Brett Gardner injury situation is less than ideal, I’m optimistic about the Yankees talks with Shane Victorino. The increase of the luxury-tax threshold to $189 million (Mitt Romney’s lunch bill) in 2014 has the Yankees determined to lower the Yankees’ payroll to that number so Justin Upton is a little too pricey. And personally, I like the thought of Phillies fans being pissed about this. Any day you can upset a Philly fan, it’s a good day.

All this winning, lets me forget the  arguments. The notion that the present Lebron/Kobe team would beat the original Michael Jordan/Magic Johnson team is about as exciting as the DirecTVViacom negotiations. I’d rather be Dez Bryant’s mom than hear anymore about that.

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About Lori Levine 44 Articles
Lori Levine is one of those people who should always be in a bikini. Don't be fooled by the fact that Howard Stern voted her his Hottest Fan, though. Her "degenerate dad" raised her at the track in New Jersey and watching the Yankees, NY Giants, NY Rangers and Knicks. She knows sports better than 99.9% of us and she's a wise-ass with the brain to make it all work.