NEW YORK, NY – Spring is in the air [again] here in Mamdani ‘s Manhattan, and people are a little lighter in their gait as they dodge the inexplicable piles of dog poop. But we’re used to poop here on Meet The Matts, so add to it with today’s bullsh!t: RIP Chuck Norris, Tar Heels Tank, David Ellison, WBC Controversy
RIP Chuck Norris
An American icon has moved on to that Marial Arts Cattle Farm in the Sky. Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris who grew up in Oklahoma and passed on in Hawaii, had a great run on camera. He a Karate Champion for more than a decade after serving 5 years in the Air Force. He married his high school sweetheart when he was 18 and she was 17. They managed to stay married for 30 years. Then he started sewing his wild oats with a bit of infidelity and child outside of one marriage. Sure, that was a tad hypocritical for a self-proclaimed Baptist of Conservative ilk, but he could kick with the best of them. To clarify, he was an entertainer who entertained. And he did it all while [allegedly] sporting an ambitious toupee/hair system. RIP, Walker: Texas Ranger.
Tar Heels Tank
What you don’t want to be known for in the NCAA’s March Madness is being the standout loser of the tournament’s first round. North Carolina earned that distinction, coughing up a 19-point lead versus VCU. Full Disclosure: I had to Bing VCU to find out they were NOT Vancouver Canuck University, and they were actually Virginia Commonwealth University. And talk about an added bonus – I had forgotten that Virginia was indeed a Commonwealth! I know, right?! It’s pretty cool that Virginia shares their wealth with “the commons.” Wait, what’s that? We can’t talk about that because our website bandwidth company is now owned by David Ellison?! Why the f*** not?! Okay, okay! No, I don’t want my relatives eaten alive! Back to sport(s)… The Tar Heels melted under the big lights – for their 2nd consecutive 1st round exit. That’s bad.
WBC Controversy
The WBC, which is not to be confused with the WBC, as one is the World Baseball Classic and one is the World Boxing Council, was great… I heard. And after the lauded USA Dream Team had a nightmare performance, relying on Italy to advance and then gagging vs Valenzuela Venezuela – which is not officially ours yet. Scapegoats are needed and the manager – Mark DeRosa is today’s choice. Mind you, his moves wouldn’t have mattered if the Americans, whose collective annual salary averaged $28,000,000.00 – per player not team – actually lived up to their salaries and hit the f’n baseball. Hold on, let’s roll that back a bit. There’s no way in H-E-L-L they can live up the money, but they can do a heckuva lot better than they did. And DeRosa is in my crosshairs for this quote: “We didn’t put any pressure on them offensively [in their 3-2 loss].” NO SH1T, SHERLOCK. You’re fired.
That’s it for me. Leave your enshitifications below and come back tomorrow for Jumpin’ Jacob Sternberg.
P.S… here’s a ONE MINUTE teaser for a show yours humbly is in. Your feedback is welcomed.
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