BRONX, NY – Today is April Fools’ Day. Let’s just get that out of the way, right off the snap. I will not be revisiting George Plimpton’s brilliant The Curious Case of Sidd Finch or trying to sell you on some hooey about Wayne Gretzky coming out of retirement or Short Matt finding any kind of success… ever. Instead, let’s talk about a few things that almost seem like April Fools pranks.
Geno Smith a Savior? Yesterday morning, Jets Head Coach Aaron Glenn uttered these hilarious words about quarterback Geno Smith’s second tour of duty this upcoming season with Gang Groan: “I just feel like he’s the guy that’s going to lead us to the promised land.” I let this sit for a second before I realized what a brilliant quote it was. There is no way Coach Glenn can possibly think Smith, who led the NFL in interceptions last year, is possibly going to fix everything that is wrong with the Jets. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. For Glenn and The New York Suck Exchange™, the “promised land” is the first pick in the 2027 NFL Draft. That’s the draft that is predicted to be chock full ‘o’ franchise QBs, one of which the Jets will summarily destroy. In any event, great choice of words by Coach Glenn. A+.
Italy Fails to Qualify for World Cup. How is this even allowed? I thought FIFA was corrupt enough to make sure that countries like Italy always qualify. Seems simple enough. But, no, Italy lost on penalty kicks to Bosnia and Herzegovina and they are crying in their collective cacciatore. Bummer.
Aaron Boone “Irked.” What else is new? The New York Yankees manager is apparently both proud and upset that his players are successfully appealing ball and strike calls. There is no pleasing this humorless doofus. He can go ahead and be pissed that home plate umpires are missing calls by centimeters and keep encouraging his players to appeal but, sooner or later, there will come a game (maybe a key game) where they run out of appeals. And, when that happens, don’t expect the umps to be your friends. I kinda liked that Braves pitcher Chris Sale said that he will not be challenging any calls. He said catchers have gotten so great at framing pitches that he wouldn’t even know if he were right or wrong.
Tiger Seeks Treatment. There is nothing funny about someone needing help for serious addiction issues. So it’s good to hear that Tiger Woods followed up his “I was looking at my phone” explanation for his latest accident to now announce that he is going to “seek treatment” for his problems. Smart move. Lately it seems like Tiger and his car have been starring in their own personal “Final Destination” movie series. Forget about the golf career. It’s over. And good luck to you.
I think I’ll call it a column right here. Come on back tomorrow for the always awesome Buddy Diaz who, hopefully, will be talking about the Yankees’ second straight loss.
