BRONX, NY – Welcome to another magical Wednesday, one and all… or maybe none. Here at the Angry Ward You’re-on-My-Nerves Center, we remain committed to supplying Meet The Matts with genuine human-created content (or whatever passes for content) on a weekly basis. With that in mind, let’s see what sports dregs we can dredge up.
Belgium Crushes USMNT After Orange Oaf Intervenes. I guess I can now resume watching the 2026 World Cup without feeling bad about it. These last few days were yet another reminder that there is nothing out there that corrupt narcissists and their pathetic cronies won’t try to insert themselves into and ruin for everyone else. Sadly, Belgium obliterating the US in the Round of 16 became the only acceptable outcome. Anyway, I’m really looking forward to Norway vs. England this coming weekend. But there was another wild game yesterday.
Egypt in Da-Nile After Collapsing Late Against Argentina. Tut-tut-tut. There’s no way to sugarcoat this, kids. What happened to Egypt yesterday was the soccer version of what happened to the San Antonio Spurs versus the Knicks in Game 4 of the NBA Finals. Up 2-0 with 11 minutes left in their knockout match with Argentina, Egypt managed to pull defeat out of the jaws of what would have been an epic victory, and lost 3-2. No overtime, no shootout, they just flat-out fell flat on their faces. Was Messi involved? You know he was. Is FIFA happy about it? You know they are.
Mets Still Stink. Consider this your weekly public service reminder that the New York Mets are still an awful, awful, awful baseball team, despite winning their last two against Atlanta. How bad are the Mets? They are behind every single team in their division… considerably. Every team in the NL East has a winning record… except the Mets. The team closest to them in the standings, the Nationals, are 8.5 games clear of them. Finally, on most teams, choosing Devin Williams to replace Edwin Diaz as your closer, would be enough to get you fired. As I write this, the Mets’ (pig) pen is at it again, this time letting Kansas City back in a game where they were up by 5. Man, are they bad. SPOILER ALERT: They lost 16-12. Ah, to hell with it, let’s do one more soccer outcome.
Switzerland Downs Colombia on Penalties. I won’t get into specifics, except to say that this game was scoreless throughout and had to be decided on dreaded penalty kicks. After Colombia lost, I texted a friend this: “I always worry about Colombian players after a loss like this. You don’t worry as much about Swiss drug lords being irrationally upset after a crushing defeat.” And my friend (a Brit) fired back this hilarious line: “The Swiss are the worst. They’ll make sure none of your family ever eats chocolate again.”
Okay, on that note, I’m out of here. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz… or some reasonable facsimile.
