CAPE COD, MA â€“ With a bombshell declaration heard only by The Matts, JFKâ€™s daughter Caroline Kennedy, decidedÂ her fund raising talents were needed elsewhere, dropping out of consideration for Secretary Hilary Clintonâ€™s vacated Senate seat. Hereâ€™s Car-Carâ€™s shocking announcement: â€œMy constituents in Uniondale are in a bigger, you know, mess than, um, you know, like anyone else in the world with that damn hockey club!â€\u009d From what we understand, her immediate intention is to collectÂ moniesÂ to cover once-again-out-for-the-season Islander goalie Rick DiPietroâ€™s 15-year contract and get much-needed toilet paper for the Nassau Coliseum but since she never really says anything, we aren't sure. Regardless, her announcement shocked everyone. In fact, it was even more shocking than Clintonâ€™s decision to leave the Senate to become -of all things -Â a secretary. â€œI didnâ€™t *see it coming.â€\u009d sighed *blindsided NY Governor David Patterson. â€œFirst Elliot Mess â€“ thatâ€™s what I call Spitzy [deposed Governor Elliot Spitzer) and now her! I canâ€™t believe this happened on my *watch!â€\u009d Kennedy did have the beleaguered Patterson *sign a few documents, one our sources say indeed has NY taxpayers eating Sick Rickâ€™s salary for the next 13 years. â€œItâ€™s just another bailout, Dave, you know. Itâ€™sâ€¦ likeâ€¦ Â no big deal. My uncle says bailouts are cool.â€\u009d we overheard Princess Caroline explain to the Governor. Car-Kenâ€™s addition to Isles not only deflects attention from North Korean leader Kim Jong IIâ€™s protÃ©gÃ© (Islander owner Chuck Wang), it also lends even instant C.I. (Celebrity Instability) to this once-proud franchise. Â â€œI canâ€™t confirm or deny anything because I donâ€™t know whatâ€™s going on.â€\u009d the Islesâ€™ Â Wang said through a surprisingly honest issued statement. Kennedy told us, through another lengthy, vapid and desultory diatribe, that Matt Millen is on the top of her list to take over for soon-to-be-fired GM Garth Snow. She feels that adding Millen will breed sympathy throughout Donor Land. She may be onto something. And letâ€™s be honest, how in Al Arbourâ€™s name does Snow still have a job?! We tried questioning him but he ran away. Snow is yellow. Thatâ€™s all for today, please chime in below and look for Cookieâ€™s Corner tomorrow while we await the announcement of who won our Super Bowl Giveaway! *Governor Patterson, for those of you not familiar with NY politics, is legally blind. This info is necessary for the proper execution of our in-poor-taste-jokes.