MAN IT'S COLD OUT

by Rex O’Rourke 

CROOKED LAKE, NY – I was driving to work on a frigid winter day about two weeks ago when I spotted a lone ice fisherman peering into the abyss under a frozen lake in Eastern New York.  What struck me about this setting was the solitude.  I had seen some kids clearing a patch to skate on weeks before so I knew the lake had been safe to walk for a long time.  On this particular day there were very few tracks or evidence of any kind that anyone had been there.  This fisherman was the only person on the lake; no hut, no Matthau, no Lemmon, no cooler of cold guys, nuthin’ but a fishing pole and a stool.  It was four degrees out, not fourteen, not twenty four… FOUR!  I said to myself, “Self, this guy must REALLY like fishing”.  I didn’t know whether the guy was stone nuts or the greatest man ever born, but I knew one thing for sure.  We should all find something we love to do as much as that guy.  Here’s to you, Mr. Lone Ice Fisherman Guy!

I was watching the Winter X Games and marveling at the nerve of some of these skiers, boarders, and snowmobile racers.  It got me to thinking.  Every one of these kids owes a debt of gratitude to Evel Knievel.  Without his showmanship I’m not sure extreme sports would be as far advanced as they are.  We might as well throw Johnny Knoxville and his “Jackass” crew in the mix as well.  I must say they, like Evel, seem to enjoy the pain that comes with being a daredevil.  They too must bow at the feet of the master.  Perhaps Steve-O or Bam will try to jump the Snake River Canyon as a tribute.

What is going on at the gym.  There are WAAAAY too many naked old guys shuffling around the locker room.  They don’t just shower and change; they hang out and talk mutual funds.  I haven’t seen so much shriveled sausage since Satriale’s.  It’s as if males under three and over sixty three are pre-disposed to nudity.  Ladies, does this happen in your locker room?  Feel free to respond, preferably in graphic detail.  As for the men, please good sir, put some clothes on, you’re making me sick.

Finally, I’d just like to say that baseball season can’t come soon enough!

Until next week,

Rex