NEW YORK, NY – It’s two weeks gone again and I’m up. This time, I’m ready. This past week has seen a lot of action in sports and entertainment, so here’s what I’m thinking about all of:are the things I’m thinkin’ about this week related to ’em:
A-Pujols (Pronounced ‘POO-HOLES’) to LA-LA-LA A-Hole Land (our own West Coast Craig notwithstanding): Yesterday’s big MLB news was the signing of Albert Pujols to a TEN YEAR, $254 Million contract with the Miami Marlins Anaheim Angels. WHAT?!? Second biggest contract in MLB history next to A-Rod (see A trend here)?!? Smart? I dunno. The guy is thirty-one… so do we expect him to still be slugging and catching balls at first when he’s the ripe, old MLB age of forty-one? I can’t see Pujols becoming a Jason Giambi that way, but now that he’s in the AL, he’s going to be able to go the way of the DH when his body craps out.
Speaking of CRAP… what is this SH*T with the Angels? (And for the LOVE OF GOD, now that they are becoming a power spend team, can we just call them the California Angels again? This Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim business is SOOOOOO pretentious.) They also land lefty CJ Wilson for five years at $77.5 million.
Is Brian Cashman sleeping??? It sure f*ckin’ seems like it.
And…. Lori Levine… close to a wife-beater.. but.. Why didn’t anyone tell me my arms and shoulders were getting veinous?
Kicked off and twatted: 
This week’s big celebrity story that’s not worth a damn, Alec Baldwin got kicked off an American Airlines (see? free mention you guys.. buy some ad space on Meet The Matts) flight for refusing to turn off his phone as he played a word game. Apparently after this, Baldwin decided he was going to go nuclear…twatting about how horrible American Airlines was to him, and in general. Who cares. The bigger twat related incident I’m interested in comes in about three months when we see if the Mindy McCready twins is just a little Roger Clemens doppelganger with two heads.
And.. it smells kinda fishy… down in Florida. Are all these big names getting HOOKED by the Marlins becoming the Miami Marlins with that snazzy, upside down Wonder Woman logo? Will we see the Miami Marlins become contenders now a-la the Tampa Bay Devil Rays becoming the much sleeker, and less obviously trying to be menacing Tampa Bay Rays? Doesn’t matter. Now in addition to Jose ‘The-Mets-Didn’t-Even-Make-Me-An-Offer‘ Reyes, they’ve got Mark Buehrle, a good and consistent lefty (aren’t we the best.. yes.. I’m a lefty) for four-years at $58 Million. Sure, I had fantasies of a heavy Latino trifecta of Guillen, Pujols and Reyes… rice and beans for everyone! But, I guess we’ll take two, the white guy and some Hamburger Helper.
The Best Video Ever? …at least it is for another few days! So let’s get it up here now.
And with that… I’m outta here and telling you to come back tomorrow for the best Professor ever on this site…The Public Professor.
