NEW YORK, NY – Summer is coming to a close with Labor Day Weekend kicking off today. But as an ambassador of summer fun, beach, bikini, outdoor activities and summer cocktail time, I get kinda ticked off that Labor Day gets people all, “SUMMER OVER!” Hey, the Autumnal Equinox doesn’t arrive September 22nd. SEPTEMBER 22ND. So, this and the following are my Top 5 Enough Already Terms for this week:
6: Twerking: I remember when we used to call this grinding or humping. But thanks to Miley Fl*cking’Cyrus, I had to refer to Urbandictionary.com to find out what was. And thus.. more of my life wasted… my visual connections to foam fingers RUINED… and well.. I’ll never say that word out loud.
5: Wild Card: Yankees are now 5.5 out of the Wild Card… down from two weeks ago when it was 4.5 and my friend said, “Don’t worry, we’ve got a lot of baseball left.” And here we come, with less than a month left, and I’m not feeling like that’s even a REMOTE possibility. And no, Los Mets being 14.5 out doesn’t make me feel much better.
4: Wiener: Being in Connecticut, I get the NYC TV stations and I MUST say, the Anthony Wiener mayoral campaign spots leave me with that “not-so-fresh” feeling. People say “Wiener,” and I cringe.
3: Pre-Season Football: I don’t care. It’s never a good indication of anything GOOD. If your team sucks in pre-season, pretty sure bet they’re going to be awful in regular season. If your team is good in pre-season, it’s a pretty good bet that they’ll be good for the first 8 weeks and then tank, or someone will get horribly injured and/or thrown in jail. Honestly, they list is TOO long here to even mention the players, but feel free to mention your favorite injury or felon of football in the comments area.
2: Tennis: The US Open is back. In fact Short Matt was there last night. I’ve got no idea what’s happening. I don’t care. I’ll watch some tennis and have been to the Open, but ESPN doesn’t even list it anywhere on the home page until we get to the Quarterfinals or until a Williams sister wears something that makes you question their gender. Alas, people go for the opportunity to watch tennis and go “SHHHH!!!”
1: Halloween/Pumpkin Crap and Apple Picking: I like it all but… in due time! I spotted Halloween candy in my local supermarket in early August. Let me say that again: EARLY FL*CKING AUGUST!!! That’s so wrong, on so many levels. I’m still drinking rum and Diet Coke (nod to Captain Jerry’s spiced rum. If you haven’t tried it.. do. It’s DIVINE)! Do I need to see Pumpkin Ale? Know that Fourbucks is bringing back the Pumpkin Spice Latte? Do I want to have my NYC-dwelling friends tell me they’ll finally come to my neck of the woods to go apple picking soon??? No. No, I do not.
So people… please. It’s fricking AUGUST – still – and fall isn’t here until SEPTEMBER 21st. Let me lay on the beach in my bikini a little more, enjoy the spiced rum and with the autumn talk… Enough Already.
Enjoy the holiday weekend and come back tomorrow for Preacher Collins, who is here every Saturday.
