Cookie's Corner: Big Babies

Leche Central, NYC – So, we’ve got a week before the Super Bowl and our boys of summer are busy on the links, beaches or under Madonna’s breeches. Me? I’m up to my ears in babies.. a newborn and a toddler who sometimes regresses now that he realizes he’s not the only little birdie in the nest. Sure, I could bore you with some gushing about how cute my new mini cookie is, or how to fight off sleep deprivation, or what not to say to your wife while her post- pregnancy hormones are crashing.. but no. Instead, I’ll open it up and we can talk about some real big babies in the world of sports. As Yankee Joe would say.. ‘Boo Hoo.’John McEnroe: Tennis made exciting by this original baby who always cried about his balls. They were in, they were out, he smashed them with his racket. He now makes good coin making fun of his big tantrums in commercials.Tonya Harding: Skatings one and only scandal girl. Trailer trash on ice who got pissed off at her rival, Nancy Kerrigan, so had some thugs kneecap her.. literally. Hey, at least she was a baby who did something about it. Still, she looked like a sleestak on ice skates. No matter what she did, there was no curing salve for that.Nancy Kerrigan: Gets an honorable mention in skating. The video of her on the ground, clutching her knee, screaming ‘WHYYYYYYY?!?! WHYYYYY?!?!?’ was priceless. Earning her real big baby points was her outburst on a float at DisneyWorld. She was miffed that she had to share a float with ‘that retarded mouse.’Terrell Owens: Waaaaaah!! They don’t come much bigger than this. They don’t throw the ball to me enough.. McNabb doesn’t know what he’s doing… Jerry Jones doesn’t like me. No matter what the team, he still bitches about something. Apparently everyone else is always in the wrong… he’s never wrong. Sucks that he has so much talent and not enough brain power to shut up occasionally.Herm Edwards – Sorry Vinny… but being from NY, you never could have escaped wanting to reach through the TV and slap Herm during the sports segment of the news. Here’s another guy who blamed everyone else… and often didn’t even fault his team when it was glaringly obvious they just didn’t show up. And that sour puss face.. always present. He was on my flight from NY to Vegas and still looked all pissy. Get a grip Herm.. get a drink and get the to the Mustang Ranch. Perhaps that’d cheer him up.Paul O’Neil – Yankee Joe is going to fry me for this one.. but perhaps that’s why I’m putting it in here. He had a pretty hot head in the dugout, with Gatorade containers everywhere shuddering in fear at his mere presence. I wonder how he keeps from smacking other announcers in the booth these days. (And yes.. I could easily have put Clemens down as a Yankee big baby.. but that’s just too easy.)Billy Wagner – He’s baseball’s newest excuse machine. It’s hilarious watching his sound bites and hearing what he comes up with when he blows a save. But, I give him points because before he injured himself out of the Mets’ painful 2008 end of season, he did fess up that he ‘sucked.’Pete Rose – A big hothead. Maybe all those headfirst slides into first base damaged his brain. Managing and betting on your team. Hmmm.. not so smart. But he only bet for them.. never against them.. stating that he loved his team and ‘believed in them.’ OK Pete.Bill Lambier – Celtics. Thanks to Angry Ward for giving me this one, since I don’t really follow basketball. I would guess there are a plethora of babies in the NBA. While we’re on Stephon Marbury… someone.. please tell me why there is that big star tattoo on his neck.. would ya? Personally, I remember Christian Laittener from back in the day. He, was just a babe. Period.That’s all I’ve got. I’m sure there are plenty of wet diapers out there in the sports world that need changing (this past week, Limas Sweed would take the Golden Pacifier Award.. easily). Go get ‘em!

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About Cookie 101 Articles
Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.