ARE YOU A GREEDY, NO-GOOD, S.O.B.???

DETROIT, MI â€“ Put your Creative Caps (MTM tm) on this marvelous Saturday, Mattville, and imagine if you will, a world gone mad; one in which YOU are a star athlete, constantly proving to the fans that you’re not a greedy, no-good, S.O.B. and then, suddenly, your world is rocked by one of the following scenarios:

You are the most coveted player in the NFL Draft. You watch your fate bandied about like a beach ball at Dodger Stadium on live television, Al Gore’s Internet, radio talk shows, your entourage’s Blackberry and www.MeetTheMatts.com. Then you hear the words from Roger Goodell:

“The Detroit Lions select Hugh Poorslobb with the #1 pick.”

Scott Boras’ number has your cell phone tingling/vibrating in a soothing yet alarming way. Apprehensive, you answer only to have a beaming Scotty tell you:

“The Red Sox love what you’ve done for them, Hugh, but they feel it’s best for us and Hugh (3rd Person, variation) if we part ways, what with the economy and all. We’ve been traded… to Pittsburgh.”

Lou Lamoriello calls you into his office. You sit. He offers you a cigar. You accept. You sence (Canadian spelling) that your contract extension is a go… Lou smiles and nods.

â€œHugh, you have been great for the organisation. You have done it all, Hugh. And that’s what makes this so hard. Because of the salary cap, we had to move your contract… to *Winnipeg.”

You get the idea, right? These are awful scenarios for a star IF you’ve properly suspended reality. That means dismissing the fact that it would be REALLY COOL just to play a professional sport for a living. That’s not the way real stars think, or what they’ve been programmed to believe. No. Instead, the above situations are death sentences – career wise – for a big shot. With that, we ask you, Hugh, this nagging question – a question that could lump you in with Steve Young, Jim Kelly, Eric Lindross, J.D. Drew and Drew Henson…

“Hugh, would you hold out?”

You need to be honest, Hugh. And you need to understand the lose-lose futility of your situation, you greedy, no-good S.O.B….

While you’re rationalizing, chew on these:
Why is Billy Mays screaming at us in an ESPN 360 commercial? There is NO NOISE in the spot. No jackhammer, no crane. Did he grow up with deaf parents?
Angry Ward’s Mariners are 11-6.
Alex Ovechkin (czech spelling) made a TOP FIVE EVER move last night against the Rangers.
The Jets will end up with get a better mark in the draft: Marc Bulger or Mark Sanchez – who will be a bust in the NFL.

That’s all for today, PLEASE get some friends to check us out and ready for an on-the-road Rex O’Rourke tomorrow.

*We know Winnipeg moved to Phoenix. We’re suspending reality, remember?!