ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: ‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMATTS REDUX

When out in Manhattan there arose such a clatter
Short Matt rose from his sofa to see what was the matter.
Away to the window his hobble dramatic
Tore open the shutters and cursed the Phanatic.

The moon on the crust of dirty week-old snow
Added some drama to the action below.
When, what to his bloodshot eyes should appear
But the Ghosts of the Posts that we read here this year.

First was The Manny, his dreadlocks unruly
Torturing Joe Torre while delighting yours truly.
Next were Cookie’s gossip items, too many to count
With the dirt on ballplayers from A-Rod to Yount.

Grote’s Gripes then appeared, and no one was bored
And they promptly joined forces with the Anger of Ward.
Then Rex O’Rourke’s ramblings and wagers all sat
Right next to the comments of one Different Matt.

And faster they came than our own Nascar pixie
I’m speaking, of course, of Missy-Jill Dixie.
Texas-sized posts from the good Dr. Diz
Crowded the street like the cast of Les Mis.

There were images from Brooklyn and as far as Australia
And the magical spectre of Kate Hudson’s genitalia.
Boris de Pfeffel waved the flag for the UK
While ladylike linda kept the naughty at bay.

Opinions flew in from Finns, Sam, and Walt
And prose from Philview & Craig, that no one could fault
As the spirited crew grew into a mob
The New York police summoned Officer Bob.

But there was no turning back, like Mets signing Ollie
They hadn’t assembled to deck halls with holly.
The group moved as one to deliver their word
They raised up their voices so they all could be heard.