HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hello again and a special thanks to Tall Matt (again) for filling in for me two weeks ago while I was in Stowe, VT riding my vintage snowboard on some serious ice. Would have preferred some scotch on ice, but whaddya gonna do?
Anyway, this week we saw some serious weekend football action, followed by the brain-numbing action of the Golden Globes. To cap it all off, the most Golden of them all, Golden Girl Betty White, turned ninety. And, this week, the most Globey of them all, Lori Levine, classed it up with a latrine pic of her and her globes – which she deemed looking ‘small,’ but hey… I’d even take that size. My chest profile looks like the Oscar Statue.
But without further adieu, here’s this week’s rundown of the football divisional winners and their Golden Globe equivalent, the Golden Football Awards (GFA’s):
San Francisco 49ers: The Niners were the belle of the [foot] Ball this weekend with what some are calling the most stunning and exciting win in football history. After Brees and his Drew Crew scored to put his team ahead in the final minutes of the fourth quarter, Alex Smith connected for a TD pass to Vernon Davis with just nine seconds left in the game. Talk about a nail-biter!!! How out of left field! Similar to Octavia Spencer winning for Best Supporting Actress in The Help. No… I haven’t seen it… and yes… all I can tell you is it’s a movie Oprah probably loves.. so where the hell did THAT come from.
New York Giants: Big blue, big blue! The Giants easily beat The Pack, 37-20, making scores of Giants fans here on MeetTheMatts ecstatic, Aaron Rogers bummed and Brett Favre breathe a sigh of relief that he didn’t pull a ‘Boy Who Cried Wolf‘ move a third time and come back. With the Giants’ young, Spanish, salsa dancing stud, Victor Cruz on Cruz Control, Big Blue’s obvious GFA is none other than winner off Best TV Comedy Series, Modern Family’s own (and MTM favorite), Sofia Vergara. Check her out boys. THIS is what everyone meant by BIG BLUE by late Sunday night!
Baltimore Ravens: The Public Professor’s (current) home team, the Baltimore Ravens, beat of the uninspired and butter-fingered, Houston Texans. Did I ever tell you people how I was in Jacksonville several months ago and my hotel was overrun with Ravens fans in town for the game (they lost)? It was at that time that I became aware that their QB’s name was Flacco. And for those of you who don’t know, flacco en Espanol… means UGLY. GFA counterpart? Michelle Williams, Best Actress in a Movie for her role in Marilyn. While Williams isn’t flacco per se…. her get up sure made her look as such.
New England Patriots: Pretty-boy trumps God-boy as The Brady and his Bunch handily beat Tim Tebow and my Broncs – or as my three-year old Mini Cookie likes to call ’em: The Horsies. So sad. I was all ready to SEXT Timmy T and make good on teaming with Lori Levine to deflower Tebow, as per Angry Ward’s SERIOUSLY inspired names for the resulting Not–After-School-Specials featuring said deflowering.
Alas, it was not to be. The glam favorite, Brady and Cheatin’ Bill Belichik won. I mean, as pretty as he is, I’ve kinda seen enough of Tom Brady doing Tom Brady. Not too dissimilar from George Clooney apparently doing another winning Clooney-esque turn in The Descendants. No. I haven’t seen it. And, yes, I would still do them… Both.
And with that, I leave you to enjoy the rest of the football battles and whatever GFA-worthy pics The Matts decide to throw this column’s way. Enjoy!
Please comment below, tell someone about the site and tune in tomorrow for The Public Professor, a Steeler fan living in Raven Country.
