STREET CORNER, USA – Drugs seemed to be the theme of the week: those who took em`, those who deny taking `em, and those who never will take `em. So let’s consider then, who’s a druggie and who ain’t.
As Cookie mentioned yesterday, Lance Armstrong recently took second place in a competitive half Iron Man triathlon. Lance took the drugs necessary to beat nut cancer, but denies ever having taken the drugs necessary to squash the competition in five consecutive Tour de Frances. Could he be juicing for his bike-run-swim fest? 50-50.
Gary Carter took all the drugs he could, but in the end they couldn’t match Lance and whip cancer. The Kid succumbed earlier this week after a protracted battle. Hats off to a Hall of Famer, a fighter to the end, and one of the best damn Montreal Expos to ever take the field.
Whitney Houston’s final embrace of Neptune in a hotel bathtub owes much to pills and booze. It’s also a classic way to go for a troubled celeb to go, and conjures memories of playwright Tennesse Williams and manly-man actor William Holden bowing out in the early 1980s.
Holden died in his Santa Monica apartment in 1981 after slipping on a throw rug, hitting his head on an end table, remaining conscious, and bleeding out over the course of a half-hour. A half-hour! As my dad said at the time, “Looks like old Bill Holden fell off the barstool for the last time.” Meanwhile, in 1983 the 71 year-old Williams was in his room at the Elysee Hotel in New York when he choked to death on an eye-drop bottle cap. There were plenty of barbiturates in the room, and they’d probably crippled his gag reflex.
And so now whenever a Houston song pops into my head, it morphs to reflect the mood. I can’t escape hits like “Didn’t We Almost Have Cocaine” and “I Will Always Love Drugs”.
New Knickerbocker superstar Jeremy Lin has probably never done any drugs. Because he went to Harvard and is too smart for that? Puhleez. Rich kids love dope. It’s because he’s a hardcore Christian who’s busy contemplating how he “can trust God more.” Though it’s worth noting the Christian Post is reporting that Kim Kardashian wants to jump his bones. Why the Christian Post of all places is covering that, I can’t even begin to guess, but the squeaky clean Lin might end up with a lifetime prescription to Valtrex if he gets too close to Kardashian.
And finally there’s Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist. I don’t think he gets stoned, but man does he stone opposing teams. The guy is having such a good season that even The Wall Street Journal is talking about it, claiming he’s the most indespensible athlete in all of Gotham. No end to the journalistic disconnects this week.
While I don’t know if Lundqvist is really New York’s best, I’ll publicly cop to getting high from watching him tally saves and wrack up shutouts. And if the `Gers get to booze it up with the Cup, he’ll be the main reason why.
Cheesy Bruin‘s cup runneth over tomorrow. Check it out.
