NEW YORK, NY – Two weeks ago I was getting ready for a weekend of fun, frolic and a half-Ironman at Timberman 70.3. As some of you know, this Iron Cookie didn’t crumble and did Meet The Matts proud in her first her first crack at this distance (1.2 mile swim, 56-mile bike, 13.1 mile run), placing 23rd of 75 in my age group (of DEATH). 9th out of the water (just call me Michael Phelps – without the toking), 16th off the bike, and 23rd off the run and overall (doing a bit of ‘walk/run’ for a busted wheel). Not exactly smooth, but it did the job and it also got me thinking about people out there that had some Serious Sports Moves this week:
Humping with Herpes: Latest news from favorite Brooklyn Net and former Mr. Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries is that he is ‘100% sure’ he did not give herpes to a woman he slam dunked back in 2010. The woman is suing Humphries, alleging he had it and knew about it. My take? If he was anywhere NEAR a Kardashian in 2010… GUILTY. AS. CHARGED.
Finding Your Own Way: Amazing as it may be that the mate of Jersey Shore’s Snookie had sperm that was able to find her booze marinated egg, even more amazing is that the offspring, Baby Lorenzo (what else did you expect?) found his way out of her (gag) publicly famous pooter a few weeks ago. I think that if you have come out of THAT and have to call Snookie your MOTHER, you deserve some points. Or maybe you just have to prepare yourself to have some SERIOUS “game” your whole life.
Serious Good Stuff: C.C. Sabathia is 13-4. To all you who said the Yanks paid too much and C.C. eats too much… suck it.
But Uh-O’s!!: The Baltimore Orioles are three games back of my Yanks in the AL Eastheading into a three-game series with them this weekend. UH-O!!! Whomever on this site predicted that the Orioles might lead the AL East by the fall… smooth move. Please stand up and take your bow.
Look Serious (or not) and Tout Positive Photographic Evidence: Back to my race… The best thing I saw out on the course was a dude on the run (so mind you, he’d done his 1.2 swim and 56-mile bike already.. and now on a 13.1 run) and he had a t-shirt that said “RUNNING SUCKS.” I mean, what BETTER shirt to wear while you run 13.1 miles of a 70.3 mile journey on your body?! And if, you FINALLY get some race pics that are DECENT… BUY them. At ANY cost. I did so… and I mean really. They caught me on the run looking very serious and important, with the old look-at-the-watch-like-you’re-killin–it move, and the bike pic is pretty pimp too… (if I do say so myself).
And with that.. I’m outta here and stayin’ here for Labor Day weekend. Next weekend, the horsies are back at Belmont, so perhaps we can get The Public Professor back up here and reinact some of the smooth moves from the last Meet The Matts Belmont outing…. Except that bit where Junoir Blaber took off his shirt and killed a horse for the view.