Angry Father’s Day: Women Rule & the Knicks Will Always Suck

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BRONX, NY – Happy Father’s Day to one and all. But, as far as who might be eyeballing this LATE column, I’d say “one” is a helluva lot closer than “all.” Short Matt, as always, asked for help today. Who am I to say “go f**k yourself” let alone “no?” Let’s get to it.

The U.S. Women just finished off beating Chile 3-0. As many expected, their goal celebrations were fairly subdued, compared to their opening game drubbing of Thailand. They need only a draw against Sweden on Thursday to win their group. If France holds serve and wins their group, then I’ll be seeing U.S. vs. France in Paris on June 28th. Hope that happens. But things don’t always go according to plans, just ask the Knicks.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat this, the Knicks finally picked a season to tank and, of course, their timing was impeccable. Their main objective, Kevin Durant, is injured and out for all of next year. Kyrie Irving, another guy they had designs on, seems to all-of-a-sudden have a hard-on for Brooklyn. Meanwhile, Anthony Davis is off to LA to play with LeBron. Which now makes the Knicks looks as though they’ll be playing with themselves. I mean, who are they gonna go get? DeMarcus Cousins? JJ Redick? Only the Knicks could write such a pathetic script. If I’m James Dolan I offer Kawhi Leonard the world and part ownership of the team and I have someone make the offer on my behalf because I’m an insufferable jackass… and still, Leonard will be far too cool (and smart) to accept. So, the Knicks will suck once again this year.

In other news, the Yankees got another home run hitter, landing Edwin Encarnacion from my Mariners, for zippo. Way to go, Seattle. Good to see a return to teams giving the Yankees something for a whole lot of nothing. George Steinbrenner is laughing in hell as Billy Martin covers him in molasses and ties him to a hill of fire ants.

OK, that’s all for today. Have a great day Pops or Dad or Father or Dada or Papa or whatever they call you. See you on Wednesday!

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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