â€œMy constituents in
From what we understand, her immediate intention is to collectÂ moniesÂ to cover once-again-out-for-the-season Islander goalie Rick DiPietroâ€™s 15-year contract and get much-needed toilet paper for the Nassau Coliseum but since she never really says anything, we aren’t sure. Regardless, her announcement shocked everyone. In fact, it was even more shocking than
â€œI didnâ€™t *see it coming.â€ sighed *blindsided NY Governor David Patterson.
â€œFirst Elliot Mess â€“ thatâ€™s what I call Spitzy [deposed Governor Elliot Spitzer) and now her! I canâ€™t believe this happened on my *watch!â€ Kennedy did have the beleaguered Patterson *sign a few documents, one our sources say indeed has NY taxpayers eating Sick Rickâ€™s salary for the next 13 years.
â€œItâ€™s just another bailout, Dave, you know. Itâ€™sâ€¦ likeâ€¦ Â no big deal. My uncle says bailouts are cool.â€ we overheard Princess Caroline explain to the Governor.
Car-Kenâ€™s addition to Isles not only deflects attention from North Korean leader Kim Jong IIâ€™s protÃ©gÃ© (Islander owner Chuck Wang), it also lends even instant C.I. (Celebrity Instability) to this once-proud franchise.
Â â€œI canâ€™t confirm or deny anything because I donâ€™t know whatâ€™s going on.â€ the Islesâ€™ Â Wang said through a surprisingly honest issued statement.
Kennedy told us, through another lengthy, vapid and desultory diatribe, that Matt Millen is on the top of her list to take over for soon-to-be-fired GM Garth Snow. She feels that adding Millen will breed sympathy throughout
*Governor Patterson, for those of you not familiar with NY politics, is legally blind. This info is necessary for the proper execution of our in-poor-taste-jokes.