Washington, D.C. – I have some quotations I’d like to share with you this week.  See if you can guess who provided them.

“We shouldn’t fear a world that is more interacted.”

“One thing is clear, is relations between America and Russia are good, and they’re important that they be good.”

“I have a different vision of leadership.  A leadership is someone who brings people together.”

“Our priorities is our faith.”

“It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil.  More and more of our imports come from overseas.”

“I want to appreciate those of you who wear our nation’s uniform for your sacrifice.”

And finally this little gem… “If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow.”

That’s right, all of these beauties are from the Sultan of Slip-Ups, The Bard of Bad Puns, The Maestro of Mal-A-Props; none other than our soon to be former President George W. Bush.  Every comedian in the country should be wearing a black armband on Tuesday.  This guy was comedy Gold, Jerry, Gold!  Has there ever been a more unknowingly hilarious Commander-In-Chief?  I hope he holds a press conference at least one a month for the rest of his life.  Think of the material!

Although my country is fighting two wars and struggling with an economic crisis, I would personally like to thank Mr. Bush for providing stand-ups everywhere with so much to work with.  In these hard times we need laughter more than ever.  Jon Stewart should give at least three Emmys to Mr. Bush.  Bill Mahar, Frank Caliendo, Dana Carvey, Dennis Miller… all of you should send gifts or head to Crawford and help clear some brush.  It’s the least you could do!

The man was a beautiful, non-stop, eight year train wreck; a twenty car pile up, a gasoline fire.  We were appalled yet we couldn’t look away.  You will be missed, sir.

Mr. Obama, you have a tough act to follow.  So far you’ve only given us big ears and bad bowling.  Do a good job, first and foremost, but please screw up once in a while.  Fall off a chair, mispronounce a country, lose your place, something, anything… throw us a bone!

I leave you all with one final thought from George W. Bush.

“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”

I think my spellcheck just exploded,


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