THESE ARE SOME CITI SEATS

WILLETS POINT, NY –Yesterday “Our Dump” exhaled its dying breath. Big Shea has now been reduced to a Ground Zeroesque pile of rubble, taking with it the collective memories of our two World Series wins and more heartbreak than we care to recall. As we watched the last remaining section disappear, the falling edifice revealed a new CitiField looming ominously in the background. Did our eyes deceive us or did the scion stadium even crack an evil grin as Shea collapsed and a few dozen fans mourned? Nah, it was just that stupid umbrella logo installed improperly. With all of the recent heat and controversy surrounding the new place, it seemed like an apt time to kick it when it’s down. Today, we examine the names within the name.

What are we supposed to call the sections in this damn place? It seems like the Mets are trying to drive us more insane then we already are. If they didn’t want to stick with the mundane: Field, Loge, Mezzanine and Upper, couldn’t they at least have kept it simple?

Delta Club Platinum
Delta Club Gold
Delta Club Silver
Sterling Suites
Metropolitan Box Gold
Metropolitan Box Silver
Metropolitan Box
Ebbets Club Gold
Ebbets Club
Caesars Club Platinum
Caesars Club Gold
Caesars Club Silver
Caesars Club Bronze
Caesars Club
Field Box Gold
Field Box Silver
Field Box
Baseline Box
Left Field Reserved Gold
Right Field Reserved Gold
Right Field Reserved
Left Field Landing Gold
Left Field Landing
Pepsi Porch Gold
Pepsi Porch
Bridge Terrace
Big Apple Reserved
Promenade Club Gold
Promenade Club
Promenade Box
Promenade Reserved Infield
Promenade Reserved

Ok we’ll be right back; we need a drink of water. When interviewed yesterday by Meet the Matts, Joe Gross of the Mets ticket office confidently told us, “It’s a three level stadium unlike Shea which was 4 levels. There’s Field Level, Excelsior Level & Promenade Level.” WHOA, stop that right there with that Excelsior Level hooey, we’re already overwhelmed.
“Joe, what’s with this Caesars crap, is that direct whoring with Caesars Palace?”
“Yes Matts, it is.”
“Where is the love, Joe? Couldn’t there be a MeettheMatts.com corner? Or maybe a SportsMatchMaker.com Pavilion?”
 “Matts, I’m your basic apparatchik here, I’m just trying to get you to buy some plan. I called you.”
“Thanks for the honesty, Joe - we don’t mean to get you flustered or in trouble.” It sounded like that awful All State Life Insurance radio commercial.

Anyway, we’re now here to help the fans understand and translate this mess. There are the aforementioned 3 levels in the new stadium. Anything called Promenade is the upper deck. Anything called Caesars or Left Field Landing is the mezzanine. Anything called Left or Right Field Reserved, Pepsi, Bridge or Big Apple is the bleachers. Everything else can considered either Field Level or a Suite. They are pushing the plans and say, on the record, that there will be no 6/7/8 pack plans because sales are brisk. Be that as it may, there is not one plan available besides a complete season subscription that gives you Opening Day. Now we’ll say it – harrumph.

And by the way, if we catch any of you saying “I’m sitting in Left Field Landing Gold” or “We’re in the Pepsi Porch” we will strangle you with a sausage and peppers. Since we’ll rarely get into the field, which is where all of the good eats will exclusively be, we’ll have to settle for the sausage and peppers. But that’s for another rant when the place is even more downtrodden.  You can see Shea’s last gasp here: https://www.newsday.com/video (scroll to page 4 in Top Videos – the full link is too long to paste here).

Sam’s-A-Fan tomorrow???