Who-What-Where, USA – With this post taking place on a Friday, I am sure it’s hard for people to concentrate at the end of the long week as we stand poised to plunge into weekend festivities. You might be watching the clock, wondering when it will be 5, or maybe you’re hoping wanting a drink at 12:01PM doesn’t mean you’re an alcoholic. We’re all eagerly awaiting spring and some baseball that actually means something. In the spirit of all that, here are some thoughts, happenings and suggestions for you to mull over.
*Why doesn’t someone start a Baseball Stimulus Package?? By this, I don’t mean the clean and the clear, I mean meaningful things… like throwing Scott Boras under the bus, or using a time machine to warp us past all this BALCO garbage. Yes, we know many people have juiced, and we’d all correctly pick out a high percentage of juicers. So can’t we just get past it, institute some testing and regulation moving forward and get back to enjoying america’s past time instead of the scandal? Justice will be served anyway as the ‘roid heads will get big heads, non-functioning ‘little heads’ (there’s a filter bypass) or aptly placed cysts. Speaking of Boras, his #1 worst served client this year, Manny Ramirez was doing some mugging in full cricket gear and paraphenalia. It made me think that perhaps his loathe for things like… fielding… might be quelled if he suited up for cricket. Either that, or he should just enjoy more arroz con pollo and plump up so he can finish his days out as a DH.
*Football. Poor Jay Cutler. They broke their promise and broke his heart. He’s all but gone so says Broncs owner Bowlen: “I would like to keep him here, obviously. But if you are going to be an unhappy camper, there is no real reason to be here.” VINNY!! The writing is on the wall Vinny! There are talks of possible trade scenarios, but your Jets aren’t the lead team in talks. For your sake, I hope they don’t drop the ball here. Otherwise, they’ll be left picking up a crying Brett Favre… again. (I think nothing is out of the realm of possibility with that man and that team.)
*A nod to Grote’s Gripes, I second the motion for the old Pirate uniforms. Those black with yellow striped, quasi square baseball hats were funky weird, but unique. A few of those and some handlebar mustaches, and we’re in business.
*Digital SHOCKER!! I found a piece of useful info on Facebook today… compliments of someone’s Status. Another Comedy Central hero (not Jon Leibowitz), Steven Colbert has hilariously coined the past tense of Twitter. A prudish Meredith Viera confirmed that she too.. has done it. Check out the link for a good laugh.. it’s only :28 of your life.
*Finally, NCAA and the ‘bracketology.’ (Hey, did we ever find the person who coined that word? I’ve got a big smack still waiting for them.) I’ve been pretty clear about my distaste for basketball.. especially NBA hoops. I find NCAA slightly more tolerable.. and when I say tolerable.. I mean I can watch a full :45 seconds of it opposed to the :20 I can watch of NBA drama. Of course, I’ve gone into one of those tourney pools compliments of office culture. For all you bracket-heads who pour over your picks, I am ‘that person’ in the office who just picks with not much consideration (beyond thinking ‘umm.. an underdog here’ or ‘i like the mascot’ there). And, I am that person who has won a big pile of Benjamins in doing so. Here’s my sage advice (unfortunately late since play has begun.. but follow it along with your picks). First, separate yourself from your favorite team. Figure them to go to the final four.. and then cut them down. Second, pick a team you’ve never heard (or a relative unknown) to go to the Sweet Sixteen. Third, any underdog you pick, figure them to go for three wins, and then cut them for the fourth. And.. finally, in your final four.. make sure you have teams with four different colors. Yep.. that’s it and it worked for me. Mamma got a new pair of shoes that way… you know.. the kind that are WAY to expensive to spend hard earned money on. So.. I spent the winnings on ’em. You know what Spike Lee said to that basketball guy said… ‘It must be the shoes.’