BRAINDEAD, FL – Normally Sunday’s belong to our beloved Rex, but it seems the repo man paid him a visit during the week and is now without a computer. A MTM charity drive can’t be far away. Playing the role of MTM’s pinch hitter I’ve been asked to step in again. Yesterday the Matts made me think of dumb things associated with sports and this week we had a doozie.

On Tuesday March 24, Amelia Tabata Pereira was arrested in Bradenton, FL on charges of kidnapping a 2 month old baby. Amelia is the 43 year old wife of Jose Tabata, a 20 year old former Yankee and current Pirate prospect. You see, Amelia had convinced Jose he was about to become a father for the first time. With no sign of George Theodore in sight, Amalia decided to take baby delivery into her own hands and went as far as introducing Jose to his new “daughter” a few hours after the abduction. The overwhelming joy that Jose felt was soon replaced with horror after he was notified by authorities that the baby actually belonged to someone else. Obviously, brains are not among the 5 tools that Jose was blessed with. Below is an excerpt of Jose’s press release:

“I was completely surprised when I was told that my wife had been arrested this Tuesday, because she had never shown any malicious behavior,” Tabata said in opening. “I had no idea what to think, because this news was one of the hardest blows I have had in my life, and I don’t have many words that can effectively communicate all of my feelings at this time.

“What I do know is that I am a Pittsburgh Pirate, and my life-long idol is Roberto Clemente. And because of that, when presented with this difficult situation, I asked myself, ‘What would Clemente do in this situation?’ I know Clemente was a man known for his decency, responsibility, doing what he says and always doing the correct thing. And I believe the only correct thing in this moment is to tell the truth.”

The next and last line should’ve been “My IQ is lower than Pedro Guerrero’s”. Hey if Pedro’s 70 IQ was able to get him off on drug conspiracy charges then getting a pass from the press on your wife’s babynapping charges should be a piece of cake. I’d like to think professional sports has come a long way from the time of Shoeless Joe’s ignorance and Dexter Manley’s illiteracy but obviously not. I don’t consider myself the genius that Yankee Joe fancies himself to be, but sometimes I have a very tough time rooting for morons/jerks/criminals just because they play for a team I support.

Would anyone have cheered for OJ Simpson if they had known what was to come? If he was winning a couple of Super Bowls for the Cowboys I’d say the answer would be yes. What does that say about us, the fans? How about Ambiorix Burgos Mets fans? Would we have continued to cheer for this turd knowing he routinely abused his girlfriend? Maybe, but unfortunately he killed two women in the DR before we got a chance to find out. Hey Phanatic, weren’t you rooting with all your heart for Brett Myers the wifebeater during the Phils run to the World Series Championship? The Pacman Joneses of the sports world may well be with us for eternity, but that doesn’t mean we have to root for them unconditionally.

I wish no ill will upon Jose Tabata but there is a fine line between enabling criminal activity (in his case by being a moron) and criminal activity itself. All in all it makes cheering for team sports that much tougher. What would Clemente do indeed.

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