You’ve all heard of Mensa, the society for people with high IQs.  For admittance to this league of extraordinary ladies and gentlemen one need only have their IQ rank among the 98th percentile as determined by any of a number of standard IQ tests, such as the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Index.  As it is an even more select group, it is possible that you have never heard of Mattsa.  Mattsa was founded by two brilliant fellows, fans of New York City’s National League baseball team, whose brains are litterally so red hot that their cranial follicles have long since vaporized.  Yes, I’m speaking about Matt and Matt.  After spending years wowing millions while making themselves rich on the professional pub trivia circuit, they dropped out of the public eye for a few years to spend time in their think tank known as the Piper’s Kilt, and soon emerged with a web site beyond compare called Meet the Matts.  To log on to this site a Mensa-good-enough 98th percentile IQ will not cut it.  To be a member of Mattsa, one must have an IQ ranking not less than the 99.6th percentile (as Wilson Pickett said, 99 and one half, just won’t do.)  With that in mind I now bring you the Mattsa Intelligence Quotient Equivalency Test.

Section 1.: True or False

1. Roger Clemens took it in the butt in the Yankee Stadium hot tub in 2001.

2. The WBC is more interesting than taped highlights of the Westminster Kennell Club dog show.

3. Isiah Thomas just wants to be loved.

4. Jim Leyritz should rot in jail for the crime of vehicular homicide.

 5. little c will regain his upper case status.

Section 2.: Math

1. Translate 8.95 meters into feet and inches, and explain the significance of the result.

2. In the 1961-62 NBA season Oscar Robertson recorded the leagues only season long triple double.  What is the average of the three statistical categories (points, assists and rebounds) in which Robertson performed this feat?

3. With how many women did Wilt Chamberlin have sexual relations?

4. Which of the following statistical measures is attributed to Bill James: Pythagorean Winning Percentage; Defense-Independent Component ERA; WHIP; or OPS? 

Section 3.: History

1. In addition to being the 27th President of the United States, the 10th Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court and a founding member of the Van Buren Boys street gang, William Howard Taft was famous for what sports related first?

2. Name the two missing players from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team line up: Wade Boggs, Ken Griffey, Jr., Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry, Ozzie Smith, Jose Canseco and Roger Clemens. (Hint: one of the two went on to manage a World Series Champion)

3.  In baseball, what historic event took place at Shea Stadium on April 15, 1997?  What significant effect did it have for major league club house managers for ever after?

4. Match the following nickname to the current or one-time member of the New York Knicks:

i. Buffet of Goodness

ii. DaWhite Howard

iii. The Human Eraser

iv. Dollar Bill

v. Black Jesus


a. Marvin Webster

b. David Lee

c. Bill Bradley

d. Channing Frye

e. Earl Monroe

5. Match the MLB team with the song played at their current stadium during the 7th inning stretch:

i. Louie, Louie

ii. Beer Barrel Polka

iii. Cotton-Eyed Joe

iv. Back in the saddle again

v. Deep in the Heart of Texas


a. Texas Rangers

b. Houston Astros

c. Seattle Mariners

d. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

e. Milwaukee Brewers

Section 4.: Meet the Matts Website

1. Ginger or Mary-Ann?

2. How many people can Randy Levine fit into his hot tub (hint: think angels dancing on the head of a pin)

3. Match the following MtM regulars with the James Bond villain they most resemble:

i. Dude

ii. Yankees Suck

iii. Bayside

iv. JG Clancy

v. West Coast Craig


a. Auric Goldfinger

b. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (as portrayed by Telly Savalas)

c. Le Chiffre

d. Jaws

e. Mr. Big/Kananga

4. Match the following MtM regulars with the Bond Girl they most resemble:

i. Cookie

ii. Janice

iii. Mrs. Matt

iv. Leah

v. Yankee Joe


a. Honey Ryder

b. Kissy Suzuki

c. Solitaire

d. Rosa Klebb

e.Anya (Agent Triple X) Amasova

Section 5.: Essay

Write a 500 word essay using the following topic as your thesis statement: Hockey is/is not a niche sport.

Thank you for taking the time to take the Mattsa Intelligence Quotient Equivalency Test. Answers will be given in two weeks during the next regularly scheduled Sam’s-a-fan Friday post.  Persons failing to score in the required 99.6th percentile will be asked from now on to post on lesser sites.

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