by Philly Phanactic

INDEPENDENCE HALL, PA – Sorry for the late entry today but I just returned from a week-long vacation and my return phlight was delayed for hours (surprise, surprise), so I had to go straight to Citizens Bank Park to watch the streaking World Bleepin’ Champions. I didn’t get out of there until late last night because of Philly’s offensive explosions – explosions ignited by a weekend with the Mets pitching staff – make the games so much longer. By the time I got home it was too late phor me to research statistics.

That being said and since every team but the Nationals and the World Bleepin’ Champions has played at least 81 games, I phigured that I’d give Philview a much needed break and offer a phew of my Phirst Half Observations. (Or was it the pheud with Philview that Matt mentioned despite a contractual obligation to keep it under wraps?) Either way, here goes:

  • Is there any player in the universe even on the same planet with Albert Pujols? He’s a career .335 hitter with 1600+ hits, 350 HR and 1000+ RBIs and runs scored; numbers as good as anyone who has ever strapped one on. He won’t be 30 until next season. Phat Albert is just 10 points behind Hanley Ramirez phor the NL batting title. The last NL player to accomplish that was Card Joe Medwick in 1937. I sure hope he’s clean but as Hyman Roth said, “This is the business we chose.”

Joe Medwick is carried phrom the phield after being beaned by Bob Bowman in Brooklyn

  • While I’m mentioning amazin’ statistics, I want to bring up the only player to wear his first name on the back of his jersey. Why does Ichiro get to have his phirst name anyway? Do they read names right to left over there too? By Labor Day, Suzuki, as he is known by me, will get his 2000th hit – about a month before the completion of his 9th season. He’ll be the only player in history with 9 consecutive 200 hit seasons to start his career.

Amazin’ Mets can’t stop Ichiro Suzuki from hitting a homerun.

  • Speaking of Amazin’, can you believe that there are 20 teams in the major leagues with a better record than the Mets? The team with the most All-Stars has a better record than only nine teams and they are currently looking up at seven teams in the race for the Wildcard. They will be the first team in baseball history with the highest payroll in their league to close one stadium and open another without making a playoff appearance. Look it up, Yankees Suck.
  • Phinally, Where would a mid season report be without a mention of the World Bleepin’ Champions? Up until the Mets came to town to celebrate our nation’s birth, the Phils had succeeded in allowing every major league team in the division back in the race. The lowly Mets are just what the doctor ordered phor the starting pitching, Jimmy Rollins and the rest of the offense. Including the 3-game Amazin’ Annihilation, Philly starters have now reeled off phive consecutive quality starts, Jimmy Rollins has 10 hits in 19 ABs and the offense has plated 37 runs. The lead over the Mets is 4.5 games and when the Marlins wake up and pheel the heat and humidity in Miami, the NL East lead will grow to double digits – just about the time Ichiro [Suzuki] is getting his 2000th hit, Pujols is getting his 150th RBI and the Amazin Mets are searching phor a new GM to rebuild what Osama Bin Minaya has destroyed.

World Bleepin’ Champions! Isn’t that Amazin’???

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