By Rex O’Rourke

CYBERTOWN, U.S.A – First the good news; Facebook is a cute little way to track down an old friend or three. In my case, I had a beer with a buddy from college I hadn’t seen since 1986 (remember that year Mutt fans?) and the networking on Facebook really helped me bump up the numbers of my rugby alumni game. Occasionally, through no fault of anyone, friends lose touch with one another, and it’s great to get back in the loop. Also, I think the top five lists are really fun and spark some heated debates.

That said folks, have we become so self–important that we think people care that we just brushed our teeth, went to the store, or tied our shoes? Some of the posts on FB are funny and I like hearing from old friends, but you have to have a T.O. sized ego if you think I care about what you are doing every couple of hours, every froggin’ day!

Thank goodness for the “hide” button! Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted that Sally Schoolmate just “friended” me; it’s just that I have no idea who she is. Do I know her in the biblical sense? If I do, I apologize because I probably wasn’t worth it!

The same thing goes for Harry Home Room. Were we ever friends, did we play ball together, or do you just want access to my list?

To quote our good buddy Angry Ward:

    “Facebook is the reverse of Social Darwinism”.

There’s a reason why you haven’t been in touch with these people in twenty years. It’s because you jettisoned them like a Saturn V 3rd Stage and thought they burned up upon re-entry.

While I would be interested in hearing your updates from a Rocket Ship, in the future and for the record, I’m not interested in the following:

  • The number of hotdogs you had at the game – not every inning, at least.
  • Your daughter’s doll collection.
  • What time you went to bed last night.
  • How long your flight was delayed.
  • How hot your coffee is.
  • Who you obtained in Rotisserie waivers.
  • What your new muffler costs.
  • When your new kitchen table gets delivered.
  • To summarize: Be funny, clever, or helpful. or go away! Whoops, gotta go – I’m behind it Tweets.

    Grumpily yours,


    P.s… Not including James T. Kirk in any mention of space would be unacceptable. Please, if you do nothing else, watch the greatness below:

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